Like droxford said... join groups and activities. Get involved. Something coed with a decent number of chicks. Sports teams, music or theater, church groups, volunteering, anything you've always wanted to try out... get involved in as much as time will permit. You won't get into as many bad habits such as watching TV by yourself for hours each night, and you'll meet people. Try to look at everyone as friends first. I assume you're not the type who goes for shallow relationships, given the previous story you told. So avoid the singles scene/ bars/ clubs/ matchmaking services. Or at least don't put too many expectations into them.
this was the reason i joined my volunteer group...oops, did i say that out loud? i mean i joined b/c i wanted to help people, coeds just happened to be there.
Nothing wrong with that, man. You're just killing two birds with one stone. Helping yourself and others at the same time.
It's funny, but reading this thread got me thinking about suffering and attachment. I realized something recently about relationships. The pain we suffer is not the result of attachment to the person. The pain we suffer as the result of heartbreak is our attachment to the expectation of what the person and the relationship means. In this case, MC had it in the back of his mind that his relationship would eventually re-kindle and it didn't. His attachment to that expectation when she clearly did not have it was what caused the problem. It's like when Meg Ryan's character in When Harry Met Sally tells Billy Crystal's character that she is upset about her former boyfriend getting married because he told her all along that he didn't want to get married to anyone, but, in reality, he just didn't want to get married to her. She was attached to an expectation of what he would do even after they broke up. So, when he did decide to get married, she attached a value to that and made the decision that his getting married meant she was unworthy of the same. Funny how that works.
My bet is that she is trying to get a reaction out of you, to gage your interests. My advice is to lay it on the line and go out with a bang, versus slipping away silently in the dark. She could could saying no and meaning yes. Be a man. Find out. Move on. Girls get confused. And there is a corollary. Boys don't understand girls at all.
Depends on the guy and the time of his life. Some guys are only on the hunt for the next conquest and the conquest is the only thing that motivates them. Some guys are just young or stuck in that mode for some reason, but there is definitely a thrill in chasing. I am sure that this is true, but don't let yourself believe that it is all guys or that all guys are like this for their entire lives. Usually it is a phase, even when the phase lasts until they are 25 or 30. This is difficult for most men. We are generally not sure what it is that will impress women and somehow overlook the things that actually DO. As a result, we end up doing some pretty silly crap when all we really had to do was buy flowers, listen closely, or empathize. I have to admit that this was my MO for quite some time, but I was very successful at it. The only exception was my attitude about it. I was developing friendships that I hoped would grow into something else with the knowledge that whether we engaged in a romantic relationship or not, at least I was getting a friend out of the deal. I have maintained a bunch of friendships with women that I dated in the past precisely because of this attitude. However, I am definitively the exception rather than the rule. Once a woman got under my skin, I went to some pretty extreme lengths to be sure. However, doesn't this happen with women, too? I have seen some women do some crazy **** over men they were in love or falling in love with. That seems to be the nature of relationships. I have to admit that I do not do as much "wooing" as I did when my wife and I were dating. However, I think that kind of goes both ways. My wife doesn't do some things she used to, but I feel like we both do far more for each other than most other couples who have been married for 8 years.
Isabel: Yeah, you're right, I've never been into the whole dating/one night stand scene. It just isn't my style. Quite frankly, I hate dating. Too much BS to deal with. Jeff: That was an extraordinary response, and I think spot on. In my situation, my heartbreak comes from what I expected from the relationship, not so much what happened (although that also does hurt). No Worries: She knows what's been going on in my head. And I agree whole heartedly, girls get confused. She is 20 (I'm 24), and it has been my experience that most women between the ages of about 18 to 22 just have a lot of BS issues going on--basically like a phase. No offense to any ladies on this board who fall within that age range, but that is what has happened to me over the years. Keep it coming, everybody. Thank you so much for the support.
I've gotta say that Droxford's responses make the most sense in this thread. It sounds to me that you've done all you can to nurture this relationship and do your best to make it into the best it can be. If she is saying that she's no longer interested, you've got to stop trying to make things work and leave, with NO lingering thoughts of things working out. As others have said, BOTH parties have to be working to make a relationship work, and she just stopped working. You shouldn't have to do the work for her. Good luck, man--we've all been there. I know it does no good to say it, but it really doesn't matter--one of the easiest ways to get over someone you really care about is to find someone else you can really care about that will reciprocate those feelings. Happy hunting.
