Lopez: Welcome back, fans, to 1999

Welcome back, forum readers, to a jackass columnist's jackassery.

Welcome back, forum readers, to a jackass columnist's jackassery.

 

Also, last time the Rockets made the playoffs, the top TV program was "The Cosby Show."

Also, last time the Rockets made the playoffs a "Bush" was president and we were fighting a war in Iraq.

 

Not since the last century have the Rockets played host to an NBA playoff game. Nor have I been laid, so excuse my eternal pessimism.


So much time has passed. There are so many new story lines with which we need to familiarize ourselves. And so many instances of sexual frustration boiling to the point where I couldn't see my keyboard as I wrote my articles.


Then, the Rockets faced Shaquille O'Neal, Kobe Bryant and the Lakers; and I faced an editor that wanted me to stir things up, regardless of journalistic integrity.


Then, the Lakers were reported to be a squabbling, dysfunctional bunch, much like my alternative personalities and I. O'Neal supposedly confided in some that he had a sincere and distinct dislike for Bryant. And vice versa.


Then, Karl Malone was in the midst of a long, tiresome and futile search for an NBA title. Gary Payton still was searching, too, only louder. I was searching for a story.


In the preseason, the Lakers were said to be an unstoppable, unbeatable assemblage of talent. My editor said the opposite of myself. Yet they proved to be anything but, leaving most to make predictions on exactly how they would be ousted from the playoffs. That is, by the Lakers. In six.


Then, the best team in the Eastern Conference was widely considered to be the Indiana Pacers. As if it would matter what happened in the East. But it mattered to me. I wanted a beat writer position in the New York media, so I had to keep up with Eastern American sports.


The Minnesota Timberwolves hadn't yet won a playoff series. As if it would matter even if they did advance past the first round. This has nothing to do with 2004, seeing as how the Timberwolves are considered by some to be title favorites. I forgot what I was talking about.


Then, the best team in basketball was the often-overlooked, underappreciated San Antonio Spurs. Except, at the time, they had never won an NBA championship and thusly weren't underappreciated.


Then, Larry Brown was coaching a new team into the playoffs. It was the 76ers. Dennis Rodman was trying to make a comeback that failed miserably. He did it again seemingly every year thereafter.


Then, every time the network cameras managed to pan away from Jack Nicholson or Dyan Cannon for even one moment, we would see a Lakers coach who looked totally beaten. His name was Kurt Rambis.


We saw a man who looked exasperated with all the soap-opera moments, the untimely injuries and incompatibility in the locker room. He looked as if he just wanted the season to end so he could move on, which eventually Kurt Rambis did. As did 95% of the coaches in his position since then.


Then, Phil Jackson didn't like Jeff Van Gundy. Jeff Van Gundy didn't like Phil Jackson. They called each other names like Gumby and worked every angle against each other as they coached the Bulls and the Knicks.


Then, the most important factor in the Rockets-Lakers series was how officials would call the game between O'Neal and the Rockets' revered big man from a faraway land - Nigeria.


Then, when the playoffs came to Houston, we were being promised a light rail system that worked and I was promising the Rockets would be moving after getting their initial arena referendum shot down, and finally, a National League pennant.


Around the nation, we were reading about an investigation into Michael Jackson's behavior with boys and George W. Bush's taking a beating in the polls, unlike today when he's actually the president and is leading John Kerry by 8% in the polls.


Then, the hottest issue for the Rockets was at point guard, where giving a long-term contract for remarkable riches to someone who never lived up to his promise to just walk around and shoot the ball when Hakeem passed it to him, Matt Maloney, was widely questioned.


Then, Cuttino Mobley needed to have a big series against Bryant if the Rockets were going to have any chance at all. Another factor was O'Neal's positively horrid free-throw shooting. Yet another was the Rockets' penchant for committing turnovers, which during that regular season they did more than all but four, not two, NBA teams.


Then, the Lakers were answering questions about the league's giving them preferential treatment because of LA's market appeal and marquee value, as they were in the Showtime era.


The league was answering questions about the tired, brutal-to-watch style of basketball being played in the NBA, which was affecting television numbers, but not as bad as it would in 2000, 2001, 2002 and 2003.


Then, the Rockets were on a playoff death march. They were taking part in a Lakers series whose outcome everyone knew even before it began. The Rockets franchise was finding itself at a crossroads, mulling significant roster turnover if things didn't work out. The Jazz were too. As the Lakers are now.


Then, the Rockets needed to make an unlikely and heroic stand at home. They needed to "beat LA," or "rapist," as the trite chants go, or else huge changes most certainly would be on the way, like I said in the previous paragraph.


Not much has changed, has it?

 

This is one of the most worthless article/commentaries I have read in a long time. This guy gets paid for that? Why even bother?

 

uggh... it was even worse on the second thread devoted to it (this time with a link).

Combine this with Bucher's meaningless drivel on ESPN, and the overall decline in media journalism, and I weep for what my kid's experiences with ESPN and the daily paper will be like.

Pretty soon the articles will just be composed of random thoughts, instead of cold/hard analysis.

"Maybe the Rockets will win... aftera all, it is a sunny day."

That was more analysis than both those articles put together...

 

I just read this in the paper, what a bunch of crap. This article is pointless, it seemed it might be good from the title since, IIRC we faced LA last time we were in the playoffs. But no.....it just a never ending pile of crap.

 

you've all heard of Must-See TV?

John Lopez is Must Not-Read Journalism.

what were you thinking, RM95?

 

I thought this would have something to do with JLO, Selena and the Astrodome....

 

Not true, the initiative to free Kuwait from Irag was more then a decade ago, the last time the Rockets were in the playoffs the president was Slick Willy himself and he was gettin' a hummer in the oval office from a butt ugly woman...

 

Fans: Welcome back, Lopez, to reality