That's understandable pun, but one can also feel the what you described with their living partner when they have a kid together (less chances of leaving, more risk of legal problems for leaving, change in spouse because of new responsibilities and challenges, etc...) Marriage might not be the cause of the problem when couples change for the worse. Sometimes both sense change is happening, then panic with a wedding in order to try to patch things up for the better or as they were before... except that sense was their natural feeling all along and it delayed the process of breaking up sooner. Having a kid and/or marriage are opportunities for growth in character and responsibility. Problems happen when there's a lack of effort because of assuming things will stay the same, or when unfair expectations of growth are heaped the other. I'm sure someone else can describe these challenges more eloquently and with more insight, but that fear you both have is natural. It can be a gift to be constantly mindful as long as it's not holding you back. I wish you all the best.
Lil Pun, for seven years, Mrs. B-Bob and I had the very same misgivings. We were pretty sure we were not going to get married. But what happened? 1. We spent way too much time trying to describe what we WERE to people. We hated the term "significant other" and were clearly more than "boyfriend/girlfriend." It was most accurate, in the array of terms available, to say we were married. 2. We spent way too much time doing paperwork to take care of one another in the event of an emergency. No matter how many lawyer visits, life insurance stipulations, etc, it is not as comprehensive as purely being married. Now we rest a little easier. But the point is: what changed? **** all changed! We are the same, same feelings for each other, same friends, just spending less time trying to describe to people why we don't get married, and with much happier, less confused families. (I will say the one annoying thing is that some friends treat you a tiny bit differently, as if you can no longer function separately. But the perks outweighed that for us.) Just have to add those 2 cents. I totally support you not doing it, but there is a heap of pragmatism that could recommend you two (and your child on the way) giving it another thought.
I totally see what you're saying. I'm gonna say this, but me not being in your situation, I don't think I can accurately judge how I'd act in that situation.. but I would *think* that if I was in the position where "we both know neither one is going anywhere", etc.. then signing a piece of paper and wearing a ring isn't something that'll change my attitude. And I wouldn't think it's "taking a chance".. I'd just view it as a change in status to the government in order to reap the benefits of the relationship that you already have, with no other change taking place anywhere. But from what you're describing, that might be easier said than done. Good luck!
Thanks for all your insight. I'll just say this and end the conversation on marriage, when/if we ever decide to get married it will be completely up to us. People can say the good and the bad but when or if the time comes then we will do it and I believe that is the way it should be. I don't think outside forces or events should be the determining factor of marriage but it should be determined by the two people going into that situation because marriage is what they feel they need and want.
Nice. Stick to what you believe is right. Not everyone may agree but that's your belief so it's right for you.
<-- oh well... I'm not a father nor in a long term, but I can agree with the reasoning behind that decision People don't like the "unconventional" approach to family cuz its a bit of a challenge to their thinking. If its a mutual decision from both people involved in the situation, and most importantly no one is geting hurt from it, its what you need to do. 2 smart rational parents not married beats 2 half-assed rushed into marriage parents. Hollywood isnt a good area to reference, but its worked just great for Tim Robbins & Susan Sarandon
Congratulations. As others have said, get married. 7 years and still not even an engagement? We know what's best for you, or let me put it this way, I know what's best for you. Harry Potter has spoken.
Sorry to drag this out. Lil Pun, I don't care about the morality, cultural standards, or what to call your signifigant other if you're not married. I do think that if you are having a kid and are committed to being in it for the longterm that the financial and legal advantages to being married should be seriously considered. As we're seeing with the whole debate over Gay marriage marriage solves many problems regarding things like visitation rights, guardianship of children, insurance and other benefits, distribution of assets if anything were to ever happen. IMO for the good of your family it might be better if you got married. I can understand not wanting all of the moral and other baggage so would a compromise like just getting a certificate from the justice of peace and not having a ceremony or rings work?
I'm sorry to drag it out too, but you could even do a tiny bit of paperwork, not tell anyone what you did, calling yourself bf/gf, and so forth, but you'll be better off if someone ends up in the emergency room, etc, etc, etc.
Felicidades, Señor Pun. I wish you happiness with the bundle of joy and that you and the Mrs. Pun do well together. If you love her enough to start a thread about your "deed" and are happy with her, do the right deed... be with her in marriage. If you decide you're still in doubts about the marriage thing, it's not wrong or a big deal. Just let her know your true feelings. Above all, love your child. There's nothing wrong with going with your gut, but you know a family does the child best. Again, CONGRATULATIONS, sir.
