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LOL - SBNation article "Can The Knicks Finally Beat The Rockets?"

Discussion in 'Houston Rockets: Game Action & Roster Moves' started by DFWRocket, Sep 5, 2014.

  1. DFWRocket

    DFWRocket Member

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    quite the hilarious read - the writer is obviously trolling with gems like:
    "but the refs ruled it a non-shooting foul because apparently they are a bunch of jerks"


    https://sports.yahoo.com/news/2-015-questions-1707-knicks-165219738.html



    The Knicks don't beat Houston. Like, ever.

    Other basketball teams...they're the worst, amiright?

    As one might expect, fans of the New York Knicks tend to focus their hatred on teams in the Eastern Conference, on rivals who have built up years worth of enmity both in the regular and postseason. (Yeah, I'm looking at you, Charlotte Hornets. You think I didn't notice you sneaking back into the club with that purple-and-teal getup?)

    There is, however, one club west of the Mississippi which consistently draws Knicks fans into fits of apoplectic rage, despite the fact that the two clubs play each other but twice a year. That team is the Houston Rockets.

    For the older fans, the '94 Finals still casts a pall over this rivalry -- but make no mistake, there have been plenty more contemporary excuses for Knicks fans to loathe this franchise.

    The contempt factor starts right at the top, with GM Daryl Morey -- a soulless monster who kind of resembles the creepy giant baby from the MTV series "Aeon Flux", which used to haunt my nightmares as a child.

    [​IMG]

    To be honest, Morey's well-documented failures this summer gave me more joy than the Knicks re-signing Carmelo Anthony. As much as I love Melo, my joy was tempered by worries over the size of his contract and roster construction moving forward. But watching Morey give away a first-round pick to the Lakers to offload the notoriously back-loaded Jeremy Lin contract so he could lure Chris Bosh, only to watch Bosh re-sign with a non-contending Miami team was pure schadenfreudey goodness.

    On the court, Houston is the rare high-scoring, fast-paced club that is tough to watch, thanks to the dynamic duo of Dwight Howard and James Harden. They are great players, they'll win a lot of games...but screw both of them.

    And if you're still finding it difficult to hate the Rockets, dear Knicks fan, ask yourself this: Can you even remember the last time the Knicks beat them in a basketball game?

    It's been a while. New York is currently rocking a nine-game losing streak against those red devils from Texas. Their last victory came on January 26, 2009, when they rode double-digit scoring performances from the likes of Chris Duhon, Al Harrington and Tim Thomas while holding Tracy McGrady to only 20 points. That's right, kids: Knicks legend Tracy McGrady once played for Houston!

    Simply put, the Rockets have owned the Knicks for over a decade. New York has two wins over Houston since the beginning of 2004.

    Rk Date Tm Opp Result
    1 2014-01-03 NYK @ HOU L 100-102
    2 2013-11-14 NYK HOU L 106-109
    3 2012-12-17 NYK HOU L 96-109
    4 2012-11-23 NYK @ HOU L 103-131
    5 2012-01-28 NYK @ HOU L 84-97
    6 2011-01-19 NYK @ HOU L 89-104
    7 2010-11-14 NYK HOU L 96-104
    8 2010-03-21 NYK HOU L 112-116
    9 2010-01-09 NYK @ HOU L 96-105
    10 2009-01-26 NYK HOU W 104-98
    11 2009-01-10 NYK @ HOU L 76-96
    12 2008-01-09 NYK HOU L 92-101
    13 2008-01-05 NYK @ HOU L 91-103
    14 2006-11-20 NYK HOU L 90-97
    15 2006-11-10 NYK @ HOU L 94-103
    16 2006-02-12 NYK @ HOU L 83-90
    17 2006-02-05 NYK HOU L 89-93
    18 2005-01-21 NYK HOU L 91-92
    19 2004-11-18 NYK @ HOU W 93-92
    20 2004-01-21 NYK @ HOU L 71-86
    21 2004-01-08 NYK HOU L 79-111
    Provided by Basketball-Reference.com: View Original Table
    Generated 9/4/2014.

    The 2013-14 club really outdid themselves when it came to losing to Houston -- they didn't just lose, they lost with panache. They missed a golden opportunity to break the streak in November, when Melo hit a desperation three off the inbounds pass with seconds remaining, but the refs ruled it a non-shooting foul because apparently they are a bunch of jerks. And they blew an even shinier golden opportunity in January when J.R. Smith reenacted Andrea Bargnani's "Dumbest Shot in the World."

    The two clubs will play this season on November 24 in Houston and January 8 at MSG. Will anything change in 2014-15? Lin is gone, but Houston continued trolling the Knicks by signing Trevor Ariza, probably just to remind fans of the godawful Steve Francis trade. The Rockets still have Howard, but the Knicks can once again counter with Bargnani -- heretofore known as the Dwight Slayer.

    The plodding Italian proved surprisingly adept at guarding Howard in November, holding him to seven points on 1-of-5 shooting. This block was the greatest highlight of Bargs' season that didn't involve him getting ejected for taunting KG:

    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/_MkSg6kGFc0?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

    But the Knicks will never defeat Houston until they figure out a way to keep James Harden off the free throw line. New York's foul-happy defense has proven to be the perfect match for Harden's patented drive-n-flop technique. The amount of free throws the man has taken against New York over the past two years is simply staggering:
    Date Points FT-FTA Result
    11/23/2012 33 16-16 Loss
    12/17/2012 26 8-9 Liz-oss
    11/14/2013 36 16-18 Liggity-loss
    1/3/2014 37 12-12 LOLZ-oss

    Now, the obvious answer here would be to get New York's defense to simply stop fouling...but we've watched these guys enough over the years to know that ain't happening any time soon. Knicks gonna foul. What they must learn to do is to foul with purpose, with zeal.

    In short, the Knicks need to sign Charles Oakley to a 10-day contract solely to play against James Harden.

    This goes well beyond strategy. This is about the pleasure of watching a 51-year-old man fouling a 25-year-old man simply for the sake of fouling. Put Bargnani on Dwight and have Oakley roaming the paint, ready to lay the smackdown. The "Bargs and Oak" frontcourt sounds marvelous, does it not? It could be a cheesy '80s cop drama or a particularly classy brand of malt liquor.

    Would Bargs and Oak be enough to turn the tide against Houston? Of course not. But after 11 years of futility, the Knicks might as well have a little bit of fun with this so-called rivalry.
     
  2. shastarocket

    shastarocket Contributing Member

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    Is this the new version of the Yahoo Contributor Network?
     
  3. HeWhoIsLunchbox

    HeWhoIsLunchbox Contributing Member

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    Hahaha, that was good. On the flip side, I enjoy watching the Knicks lose.
     
  4. traveler

    traveler Member

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    How can they still be so butt hurt after all this time?
     
  5. Nero

    Nero Member

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    That was actually kind of funny.

    I like how we stole Linsanity from them. And I also like how their 'owner' would make Gomer Pyle look like a genius.
     
  6. dumbartonbass

    dumbartonbass Contributing Member
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    Alternate story title: "Will YOU click on THIS page? Find out inside!"
     
  7. Rokman

    Rokman Member

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    Suck on it New York. You deserve it.
     
  8. Liberon

    Liberon Rookie

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    LMAO @ Soulless Monster.... That's worst than being called anything else I think less some kind of molester.
     
  9. AstroRocket

    AstroRocket Member

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    Folks responding to this article with vitriol are baffling me. This was hilarious.
     
  10. callmened

    callmened Member

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    I was a kid when we lost to the rockets in 94 (and when nbc switched over to watch the oj chase) and it used to give me nightmares. But over time I realized the dream was an immortal player who was due for a ring.
     
  11. hehlol

    hehlol Member

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    And jordan would not have stopped him. Maxwell would have gladly taken on the challenge of guarding mj.
     
  12. Roc Paint

    Roc Paint Contributing Member

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    Houston kicks **** the Knicks! ;)
     
  13. baubo

    baubo Member

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    Random but funny.
     
  14. across110thstreet

    across110thstreet Contributing Member

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    houston dominates the knicks' thoughts and controls their emotions
     
  15. rocketsballin

    rocketsballin Member

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    if they sign oakley to do that, we'll have dorsey eat him alive. not like dwight cant take bags and oak by himself tho.
     
  16. hehlol

    hehlol Member

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  17. Scolalist

    Scolalist Member

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    How about the additions of Trevor Ariza & Nick Johnson and the likelihood of trading for really good talent with the draft picks, TPE and a bigger expiring on the books (for monetary reasons) with Terry.

    There's just no way Anthony and Shumpert. I really can not remember anyone else can stack up too the Rockets for 48 mins
     
  18. Alvin Choo

    Alvin Choo Member

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    TMac played for the Knicks? When did that happen?

    And I did not even know there is a rivalry with Knicks.
     
  19. don grahamleone

    don grahamleone Contributing Member

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    We also took callmened from them.
     
  20. traveler

    traveler Member

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    lol

    That there is a huge pick up. :)
     

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