Leather ball will return on Jan. 1

weslinder · Dec 16, 2006

Hilarious open letter from PETA to NBA Players:

PDF version here: http://blog.peta.org/archives/Letter to NBA.pdf

An Open Letter to NBA Players

On behalf of the more than 1 million members and supporters of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) worldwide, I am writing with a solution to the recent drama of a few high-profile NBA players who were whining about fingertip scratches and scrapes caused by the new composite basketball adopted by the league. As excruciating as these “injuries” must be for a worldclass athlete, thousands of cows stand to suffer far worse if the NBA goes back to a leather basketball—so we’d like to suggest a compromise.

PETA would like to offer a lifetime supply of cruelty-free hand cream to any NBA siss … excuse me, superstar who’d be willing to give the composite ball another shot. Recreational players and NCAA athletes have been using composite balls for years without experiencing scratches or scrapes—but we understand that the delicate hands of pampered NBA superstars are far more sensitive than those of your average Joe who actually has to work for a living. The hand cream comes in a variety of scents, including “Filthy Rich Organic” (perfect for any overpaid millionaire) and “Peaceful Patchouli”—Nash, we have a whole case of that set aside for you. Maybe by taking care of your own skin a bit better, you can allow cows who would otherwise meet their end in the slaughterhouse to keep theirs.

Shaq, as one of the players who has been most critical of the composite ball, perhaps you’ll volunteer to be our test case—since you’ve only played four games all season, surely you have time to work a moisturizing routine into your schedule. Or LeBron, maybe you’re interested. The NCAA has used the composite ball for years—so it’s not only an education that you missed out on.
Maybe you just need some more time to adjust.

In the interest of sparing thousands of cows a hideous, unnecessary death, please consider this suggestion. In the meantime, we wish the NBA luck in its search for leftover leather basketballs—judging by the reaction of some players, it seems like balls are in pretty short supply around the NBA these
days.

Sincerely,

Dan Shannon
Manager of Campaigns
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals
Click to expand...

durvasa · Dec 16, 2006

I'm pretty sure the NBA will eventually go to a composite ball. They're going to ask Spalding to redesign it. It might even happen next season.

Leather balls will die out eventually.

A-Train · Dec 16, 2006

Instead of using cow leather, maybe the NBA can make their balls from the skin of dead PETA members. Of course, fire bombing the PETA headquarters is out of the question, so I guess I'll have to go with a good ole' sniper rifle...

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Leather ball will return on Jan. 1

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