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[LATimes]Some Game 2 advice for the Lakers

Discussion in 'Houston Rockets: Game Action & Roster Moves' started by Shaq2Yao, May 5, 2009.

  1. Shaq2Yao

    Shaq2Yao Member

    Mar 28, 2006
    Likes Received:
    This is pure comedy!

    Ted Green: Some Game 2 advice for the Lakers

    Andrew Bynum In 100 different ways at their practice palace in El Segundo today, the Lakers were asked: What do you have to do in Game 2 to turn it around against the Rockets?

    Here are a few suggestions:

    Andrew Bynum: Put down the Playboy Bunny. Tell Yao if Barkley won't eat the fish while it's still alive, you will. Also, don't commit two fouls 10 seconds after lineup introductions. Foul the guy parking your Bentley, foul the backstage doorman, foul Kareem in pregame footwork drills all you like, but when Yao turns to shoot, the least you can do for $52 million is to raise those condor wings you call your arms straight into the air. And take a few acting lessons so you at least LOOK like you care. After all, these ARE the playoffs.

    D-Fish: If you airball another 3, at least blame the wind. Say you over-clubbed. And tomorrow morning, wake up 10 years younger. 24 sounds perfect. You can have Alyssa Milano or one of the Staples regulars take a cellphone photo of Aaron Brooks so you can see what he actually looks like as he's blowing by you.

    Pau: Don't cry for me, Argentina, every time Luis Scola pushes you halfway back to Barcelona. Push him back. Tell him Chris Anderson has a better hairdo, and he looks like the NBC peacock. Tell Scola he has hair like a girl. Coming from you, that'll really hurt. And if someone nicks you and you get a little boo-boo, please don't disappear for the next three quarters and act like you're mortally wounded. It was only a scratch. Ask Gary Vitti for Neosporin instead. I'm sure he has some.

    Lamar: Stop watching the videos, "Free Throw Shooting Made Easy," and "I Make 'Em When They Count," both starring Shaquille O'Neal. If you're gonna hit foul shots, remove the boxing gloves. If the left hand doesn't work, try the right. And when Artest tries to intimidate you, tell him you're not afraid because you're from Queens, too. I'm sure that'll shake him right to his core.

    Sasha: Like any good boxer, work on Battier's other eye. But I'd love to see you go Pacquiao on Artest. That I'd PAY to see.

    Kobe: Posterize Yao to inspire the troops. And think about 24 hours in the Witness Protection Program, where Battier will never find you. Politely remind Battier to stop making a spectacle of himself; doesn't he know no one plays defense in the NBA? Also mention to Artest that you were the one who bought the one rap album he sold.

    Phil: It's time to make adjustments doesn't mean having a chiropractor work on your hips. And apologize to Adelman for calling Sacramento a cowtown. Obviously, the guy can't take a joke.

    Jordan Farmar: Tell Phil that Petco stores are going out of business all over the country, making it harder to find good doghouses to keep you in. Remind Phil you played against Brooks in the Pac-10. Come to think of it, remind Phil you're still on the team.

  2. vcchlw

    vcchlw Contributing Member

    Jun 26, 2002
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    Good for laughs. You can see that those guys are still pretty optimistic about the series, which is good for the Rockets.
  3. tmacfor35

    tmacfor35 Contributing Member

    Aug 20, 2008
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    The Brooks comment was pretty funny. Suprisingly a good article coming from the LA times.
  4. Codman

    Codman Contributing Member

    Jun 24, 2001
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    It was funny until I saw Sascha's name mentioned.

    I hope he tries something on Battier or Artest. That flopping piece of trash will get the business big time.
  5. jackie_moon23

    jackie_moon23 Member

    Oct 29, 2008
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    I really don't like Sasha. The Bill Simmon's comment during his game 1 blog regarding him was great. I don't even know how to describe why I don't like him. He's just a big gina.
  6. caffreys_irish_ale

    caffreys_irish_ale Contributing Member

    May 20, 2005
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    That's some good stuff!
  7. roflmcwaffles

    roflmcwaffles Member

    Mar 28, 2006
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    How about I describe why I don't like him:

    1) He wears a hairband thing that looks ridiculous. Headbands are ridiculous enough, he wears a hairband

    2) He flops around AT LEAST AS BAD AS Varejo (and that's pretty damn bad).

    3) He whines after everything, I swear if they called a foul on him after he punches someone in the face he would whine about it.

    4) He looks like he is going to cry everytime something does not go his way.

    5) He looks like a douche.

    6) He probably is a douche.

    7) Point 5 and 6 are too nice. He IS a douche.

    Ok really there are more, but that I think covers the major points.
  8. BoomShakalaka

    BoomShakalaka Member

    Jan 3, 2008
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    I hope not, I'm sure they would love that , instead I hope Barry comes in and punches Kobe and hope he retaliates

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