That's the whole point of making an agreement to help him pay his loans. It's a win-win situation. You're not out any money while he's in college, but you help when he's done, and if he screws up he's on his own. For my son's graduation gift, we took on his student loans.
Tell the kid he has to go to a state school if he wants some help, then if he does, help him out some. An in-state school is a fraction of the cost of attending an out of state university. I know, because we are paying for our son to go out of state. Ouch! He really worked his arse off at a magnet high school and during the summer attending community college, collecting about 40 hours of credit before even getting to university. We figured that effort should be rewarded. (ouch!)
Actually an Ivy League degree opens ALOT MORE doors after graduation than a state school degree. At the very least, the networks you build at these schools and the opportunities they can bring in the long-run justify the high price tag. There is a reason why the "Rich" send their kids to these schools and it's not just the "prestige".
Ivy leagues give far better job opportunities for their grads than state schools (even top ranked ones like michigan and UCLA) it is not even close
Air Langhi- Thanks for your insight. Most if not all financial advisers will tell you not to sacrifice your own retirement fund to finance your child's education. I have a good job but I'm far from wealthy. I may be that rare exception of someone who has a great job without the benefit of a great education. It's come through hard work, sacrifice, and perseverance. My son on the other hand isn't fond of hard work which is part of my dilemma. bobrek- that's my inclination. ClutchCity3-Any regrets? Did your folks have money and didnt help or didnt you have a choice? pouhe-no I haven't and he wouldn't allow me to do that. He's very hard headed and has always wanted to do things his way come hell or high water. knote32-He's intimated that he will need help though to his PHD so I'm hesitant to go down that slippery slope at this point. I love my son to death but he's all talk and very little show. Again, his success both academically and athletically has been purely on his natural ability. When he sees that hes has to work hard at something he's more inclined to coats and do the minimum. Xerobull-I'm in your camp and as my son tells me I'm in the very low percentage of parents that are not will to sacrifice to get their kids a good education. Deckard-my feelings exactly. Thanks again everyone! It's really complicated but in my mind would be a much easier decision if my son had a better work ethic overall and didn't always want to take the easy route to everything.
Needless to say..my dad wasn't in a good financial position. You should help your son out if you can, even if not for the full amount. So that your son won't be so stressed over this and focus mainly on study.
This is purely from the outside looking in: This is a guilt trip. Level-headed, hard-working people do not resort to guilt trips. However, immature, insecure people do. Which is reasonable to expect from a kid, even if he's at or near college age. Again....that is PURELY from the outside looking in. Really, I'm in the "make an agreement and do what you can to help" camp, but I can't imagine actually expecting anyone to pay anything for me, to say nothing of trying to guilt them into it. I had a 1 year ROTC scholarship, and that was it. I couldn't get a Pell Grant, even with a deceased parent. My mom was able to help with a little spending money here and there (and I was grateful to get it), but everything else (for both degrees) was on my own with student loans.
1 year and 6 months till my end of enlistment for the Marine Corps and BAM!!! free ride to any state school! My dad is so like "HELLS YA!" He spent the money he saved up for me to go to college on a bmw... lol.
Some friends of mine and I were just talking about this yesterday...there seems to be more and more displays of entitlement nowadays...Kids expect to be handed cars, money, paid college tuition, etc... I went to jr. college to get the basics out of the way and paid my own way...my parents would help with books, etc, but that was about it...then went to UH and got grants/loans to help pay for that...I had more of an appreciation of things and I think you do when you have a vested interest... IMHO, I would suggest this same path...but if he really wants it, he'll find a way...good luck...
My parents had the money to pretty much cover my college education, but told me they would only partially cover tuition and living expenses. They knew I was a slacker, so I had to get student loans to cover the rest and upon graduation (with good grades) I would get a "graduation present" that would cover the cost of the loan. Their thinking was that I would be more vested in my education if I was financially responsible for it.
Which is fair enough. As others have said, at the least make sure to help him get through the FAFSA forms and strongly encourage applying to scholarships. It might actually be the right incentive structure -- "force him" to apply for at least x amount of scholarships in exchange for aid from you. It will make him prove he's not lazy, and may end up being a win-win if he gets them. Just because you made it without aid from your parents doesn't mean that's the way it should be done. He's probably being a bit bratty, if he's saying things like you should be sacrificing for his education, but I would guess he's not off the mark when he says that most parents in his peer group do. Your financial well being has a direct impact on his ability to get financial aid -- if you had the means to save for college and chose not to, he is at a distinct disadvantage to his peer group. My parents gave me my college money at the beginning of my senior year in school. It was a substantial amount, but wouldn't have been enough to cover all 4 years at private school/Ivy's. I ended up receiving a full scholarship to a state school and saved virtually all of the money, originally with the intent on going to grad school. Part of the reason they did that was a lesson in responsibility and making financial decisions -- they would've been fine if I chose to go to a private school too, but if forced me to make decisions on trade offs -- by going the route I did, I didn't need to work for money (and thus my grades came first), and spent more time on other activities, or taking lower paid research jobs because they interested me. I don't know that that is right for everyone -- I could have easily gone out and blown the money on a Porsche, but my parents knew my well enough that I wouldn't do that. For me, that was a lesson I won't forget. Given that he's smart but you think he's lazy, the best thing to do is make him show you that he's motivated by this. The scholarship applications can be grueling, but can have fantastic returns (seriously, you can get tens of thousands of dollars essentially tax free for a few hours of work). For the aid piece, he will need information from you. I would suggest doing some thinking over how much you can/are willing to contribute and/or on what basis and have that conversation with him to set expectations, sooner rather than later. Especially given he will likely need a PhD (though most people in grad school math programs are fully funded from what I understand), he's got a lot of school in his future.
I just graduated after putting myself through. The only thing I wish I had done differently was to take more courses at junior colleges. They are cheaper, easier, and the classes are much smaller. Have him attend the junior colleges to get his lower level courses out of the way, and then transfer to the actual college when he is ready for the upper level courses. Pugs
In-state colleges are relatively affordable (~45k/4 years) but quality depends on the state. Community colleges for 2 years is the best financial option for driven people who can't afford tuition.
My parents didn't pay s*** for my college. All student loans and grants. They're helping a little now to pay back the loans, but it's mostly on me. They've also started accounts for both of my kids. If things go well, neither will have to pay much of anything by the time they're ready for college.
I had it good as well, although not quite that good. My folks paid for tuition, books, and rent/food. Anything other than that I paid for. I held down a job on campus for my fun/gas money. I also worked at the grocery store during Christmas break, summers and spring break. For law school, it was totally loans for me. If you can afford it, I think that paying for the essentials at a state school is important. If you cannot afford it, your son just needs to understand. We are lucky to have a number of very good universities in state here. UT, A&M and the like are all good places that can propel you into a good grad school. Your son will need to understand. For me, it went something like this... Dad: "Son, you can go anywhere you want." Me: "I want to go to Notre Dame." Dad : "You can go anywhere in Texas." Me: "Maybe I can go to Rice." Dad : "Anywhere in Texas that is state supported." I went to A&M and got a very good education...then off to UH for law school.
I wish I would have sought the advice from Clutchfans before going to college. I swear that my undergrad life would have been very different if I would of been around the Hangout section more. Oh well, I had to figure it out on my own since I was first in my family.
