Just Proposed

Wait, so you are thinking about marrying a girl with TWO kids already?

Before you think with your pecker, or her with her vagina, you need to consider what would happen to the kids.

They have been abandoned once, and if either of you is thinking it might not work out it could hurt them worse.

This is a situation that the kids should come first.

DD

 

Some people learn by advice. others by experience. Still others never learn. I get the feeling this is a train crash in slow mo.

 

Do not marry her. Continue to date if you want, but wait a few more YEARS

 

She doesn't sound like the type who enjoys being taken care of. If you try to be Superman and solve all her problems for her, she will grow to resent you. Calling her immature and all that stuff might be true, but are you enabling her or are you accepting her for who she is?

It sounds like you're using this board to vent rather than to listen. I don't blame you, but not getting professional guidance whether from a priest or a marriage counselor is crazy, foolhardy and it reeks of denial from the truths you already know but are unwilling to confront.

 

EPIC FORESHADOWING

 

I just hope you're tuff enuff.

 

tough situation w/ the kids... do they know about the proposal?

 

I know you won't care what anyone is saying. But you are setting yourself up for an epic, epic, epic fall. Armed with this situation I can tell you what is going on. She likes you well enough. You have money, you spend it on the kids, you are always there no matter what she does, no matter if she lies, goes out with guys from work.

She doesn't have to do crap. The entire relationship is you. It is all in your head and you are trying your best to make it a reality. You are bending over backwards to make this work when this doesn't actually exist.

I see this ending badly with her getting with another guy who has self-respect.

 

That's brilliant man. I'm in the exact situation you mentioned. Matter of fact I've been in that situation since Super Bowl sunday.( Some of y'all might remember the lovely thread).

Anyway,

the OP sounds loopy to me. Dude, I'd say it's pretty unanimous so far on this thread. Everyone has told you to take back the proposal/cancel the engagement/take a break/dump the lady. I haven't seen such "agreeance" in ages on the forum.

 

ferrari77,

I definitely feel for ya, man. I'll have to go back and check out that thread. I think so many of us go through these same situations, but (I know, at least for me) we sorta go through it as if we're in a vacuum. By ourselves. Its like we're so busy dealing with whatever random problem is the most pressing right then -- at that moment -- that it isn't until our hand is somewhat forced (typically meaning it gets so bad that we can't rationalize it any longer) that we can finally step back, take a breath, and look at it through a clearer lens.

I think it was Maya Angelou that said "When people show you who they are, believe them." That's so much easier said than done, though. Then, in between putting out the proverbial daily or weekly fires, we start doing this "subconscious analysis" about our situation. "Could it be my fault this is happening?" "Am I not trying hard enough?" "Am I trying too hard?" We start running the traps trying to make sense of why things seem so topsy-turvy when just [insert number of weeks, months, or years here] ago they were "perfect". And the longer it goes on the more we feel like we're "pot-committed" to the relationship (to use poker term) because we've put in so much time. So, even when we just know that it shouldn't be this hard, we're constantly debating whether this is just one of those "rough patches" that we can look back on and laugh at in twenty years, or are these actually indicators or signs that maybe life has someone else for us that is the right person we're supposed to end up with. Again, there's no easy way through it. I truly hope everything works out in your situation.

 

I predict that if Realjad calls it off, she will beg him to stay. He will then mistake that plea for "love" and take her back. When in reality, she just feels rejected at the moment.

 

At the very least, Realjad, don't rush to the alter. Stay engaged for a while. Move back in together. See how things go. There's no hurry to make sure that this is the right thing to do.

 

that may make it harder on the kids if it doesnt work out. and from the looks of it, it doesnt seem like its going to work out.

 

That sentence right there should be all you need to NOT do this.

 

Seriously, you need to turn in your man card...NOW.

You read like a 14 year old chick going through her first relationship. Grow some nutties, call off this future life wreck and learn how to spell "tough".

 

Dizam.

Burn Town, Population RealJaad.