If you don't want to hurt him, opt for the standard unclean breakup. Step one: Breakup starts at about 6pm. -About 2 hours of crying, 2 hours of talking, and one 2 hour movie. -hit on key points A-You still want to be friends B-There is no other man C-You felt a little smothered (sets tone for your space) D- Its not you, its me. 2 days later -Call him to tell him you want to be clear, this is not over, that you really do want to friends (this will make everything unclear for him) -Dinner that night, nothing more. Maybe you put your arm around him to confuse him -Set your friendship ground rules over the meal. He will eat this up eagerly. -Change your phone number so he can't obsess and call you when you are "missing". Tell him you can't give out the number, but you will be in touch so that you can hang out in a month or two. This prevents his ego from getting in the way of the unclean break. Every 2 months -You let him take you to the beach or go somewhere there is an activity like bowling. He will love it and be super nice to you -Understand, this is not who he is, he is courting you again. This will give you the opportunity to explore the greener grass, but if you don't like it, you will have about six months to a year to go back to him. He will be waiting for you if you execute it properly. If you find the grass is greener, you call him while you are out of town, and tell him you found someone. Make sure you have something to do to keep you from feeling any guilt. He will be in misery for maybe a week or so. Done deal. The best way to keep him off your back, but single, is to keep him active in something like tutoring a kid in Big Brother. He will do it because you suggest it. And he won't meet any girls. His friends will be dangerous, but you can turn him against his friends, by simply giving him hope. Standard unclean breakup will work for you.
We divided everything as evenly as possible. We had one attorney that cost just under $1500. If your divorce is uncontested, you can do that. I've heard you can even have someone file the papers for you online and it costs under $500, but I didn't go that route. We just made a rule early on that no "thing" was more valuable than our friendship and that if there was anything we both wanted, one of us would just back off and let the other have it or we'd sell it off and split the money. We have not had a single argument about any of our possesions, which has been great. We both have found ourselves saying, "Oh, yeah, go ahead and take that. You need/want/like it more than I do." I'm fortunate in that she is really a great person and we get along really well.
my 2 cents. Jeff im happy to see that everything went so smoothly.. its interesting reading about anothers life and I appreciate your sharing part of yourself with the board. I know you will have the guys lined up to take you out now! haha j.k welcome to a new chapter of your life.. J
To Clutch and Jeff may I suggest setting up an Isabel relationship forum separate from the Hangout so we don't keep hijacking other threads.
I'M OUT THERE JERRY, AND I'M LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT!!!! for those of you who haven't met Jeff, he's a great guy. i enjoyed meeting his ex as well. they're both very nice people. and it speaks volumes that after going through this, he's not disparaging marriage, generally. today is my 8th wedding anniversary. believe me...marriage CAN be a very good thing.
Thanks Jeff. I too have an unserstanding wife who wants to remain friends. We do have 2 children and that makes it a little more complicated.
If you are referring to me, I seriously doubt it. She and I have always had a very unique relationship. We are better friends now than we ever have been. It only becomes weird if you are either: 1. Unable to let go of the past. 2. Unwilling to be close outside of the boundries of a relationship. Neither of those is a hurdle for us. Happy 8th, Max!!! Tell the Mrs that I wish her the best as well!
No offense Jeff and Isabel but in my minimally informed opinion it sounds like Jeff should stay married and Isabel should be getting a divorce. Jeff's breakup sounds far more amiable than Isabel's marriage.
We make better friends than romantic partners. That's just the reality. I know of others who were in similar situations. Amicable divorces are far more common than most think.
It happens. I would think it would be hard, because usually at least one person wants to stay attached... but sometimes people's relationships are really more of friendships anyway. I don't like the idea of throwing away marriage vows, but sometimes you're just trying to fix a mistake that shouldn't have been made in the first place. I feel really bad about my situation because the official word seems to be that he (Ferdinand) has romantic feelings and I don't... but guys, take my word for it, if your wife threatens to leave or says she's seriously unhappy, make your decision. Either work on your closeness and romance (I mean seriously work, not just when you need to get her to stop crying so you can go back to your old ways) or start putting the distance between you so you can split. Don't just keep things going for years because you think she doesn't really mean it. As time goes by, she will be less and less emotionally attached to you. Eventually you will become nothing but a burden to her, or another family member to take care of emotionally and financially. Like a kid or a brother. Which might be OK if she was able to have her romantic life elsewhere, but no, you're supposed to be the one who fulfills her needs in that regard. Yeah right.
Does your wife like Prince? If yes, then it is a strong possibility that oomp is Mrs. MadMax in disguise.
Jeff, You should probably take up a new hobby or two to meet some women. I suggest moist towelette collecting. Chicks dig moist towelette collectors.
I'm starting to think that Jeff and Isabel are mortal enemies because everytime Jeff starts a relationship/divorce update thread, Isabel comes in and tries to hijack the thread. It is all an evil plot, you see. Anyway, I always liked the wifey, but now Jeff can blossom into the beautiful pimp butterfly he always wanted to be. Who can stand in the way of nature?
