Don't kill yourself. I admittedly dont know what you're going through but I do know that's a decision that you can't take back. I'm not an expert in substance abuse either but that's probably not helping matters. It's probably adding to your depression and you can't make rational decisions drunk. Call someone and please get some help. You don't want to die. You've proven that by still being here and posting. You're just depressed and you'll get through that
If you feel that transitioning is right for you then you should. If you don't then don't. Most importanly though don't let others make the decision for you. If you decide to detrans check with your doctor first. This is something I don't know much of but I suspect that if you detrans might need to ease it down than just completely stop. Yes, not everyone gets to be happy and no one is always happy. That is why to exist is to know suffering can be liberating.
OP, your drug abuse is tearing you down and amplifying negative thoughts. Quit lying to mental help professionals. The stuff you post about wasting yourself is good reason for hospitalization, but there's probably uncomfortable truths in breakthroughs from prior sessions that have set you to avoid or taking steps back. Maybe the shrinks were stupid or unexperienced, but instead of running from it, maybe find a second opinion or set yourself on accepting whatever it is without drugs and figuring yourself out step by step. I hope you find a trans support group that understands what you're going through. You might be right that none of us on here truly cares. That's what you get with the internet. Real bonds take time and some bruises to make people figure what they want from it. But if you're self destructing and lying, then it doesn't matter the amount of ****s people give or whatever external condition you think you're in. If you don't want mental or social help, I'd probably read some biographies of people to get your mind off things. What people go through is a unique and sometimes improbable experience. We are sometimes paralyzed by fear or inertia, but many amazing people acted and thrived because they didn't have a choice. By taking that bottle and furthering your addiction, you're still making a choice...one that strips your identity and agency. Anyways, you have to find your own value before anyone can be convinced otherwise.
Yes TheJuice can't emphasize enough about how important it is to find a real community besides just a virtual one. I think most Clutchfans are well meaning but this is only virtual community and is limited.
I had a real community and group of friends and lost them because of how I am. I got kicked out of most lgbt support groups here and online. If I dont drink, I literally cannot feel happiness. If I do drink, sometimes I do. Theres no difference between a perscription drug that makes me fat, stupid, and tired and a drink that does the same thing. Meds don't work for me anymore. Therapy doesnt help. And if I leave school I lose housing, my job, and insurance. The only way out is suicide. And I can guarantee you thats how Im going to die. Whether its this year, the next one etc etc. Im an alcoholic, a junkie, a pervert, and a freak of nature and there's nothing I can contribute to society. As Im conatantly reminded, my parents paid a fortune for my education and Ill never be able to live up to that investment. If I had the money, Id take one last trip to the beach, say my goodbyes to the few friends I have, and OD in a nice hotel room. I know 28 doesn't sound very old to most of you...but I honestly feel like my best years are done. Ive traveled, Ive made some good friends, fallen in and out of love. Ive done more than most people 100 years ago could have dreamed of. But Im satiated. Im in anguish now. Id be totally okay with having one last hurrah and ending it...because its nothing but pain and sorrow ahead. More IRL friends will abandon me. Ill sink deeper into debt. The economy will implode (again) right as I graduate. Life will only get worse. I peaked in 2019, slightly rebounded Fall 2020, then lost everything. Again. I'm just so tired. Physically spiritually and emotionally. Id rather give my working organs to people who want to live and have scientists dissect my brain and figure out what went wrong. If euthanasia was legal, Id do it in a heartbeat.Im posting this stone cold sober and fully medicated btw. I just dont see a point to anything anymore.
No, I'm going to do that now. I'm feeling better than when I made that post. Thanks for putting me in touch. Its probably best if this thread get locked tbh. I really do appreciate everyone reaching out and posting. I obviously have a lot of trouble stewing in my own thoughts. Without having class or a stable social life to distract myself, I turn to booze. And if I'm drinking and not having a fun time, I end up posting here. I've never liked myself; and that problem has only gotten worse the older I get. But as a result of that, I find I desperately need the validation from others. Bosses, parents, friends, partners...even just strangers. When I don't get it I freak out and, because I'm incapable of being alone and unstimulated ever, I post or text or email people. I actually hate cell phones because it lets me reach out to people when I'm in a bad spot. I'd get rid of mine if i could.
I also cannot stress enough that I need, for my own sake, to be banned from the D&D. I'm such a news junkie and a bit of a sadist that I can't help but check it...even though I initially always log on to talk college football or NBA. idk who the mod is @justtxyank maybe? But seriously, for my own good, ban me from this sub forum because I'm a literal woman-child with no self control.
A lot of us are news junkies and get caught up in a spiral of doom scrolling. I don't think most of us would be here if we weren't. It is cliche but yes things will change and at your age there is a lot of time for change. Another thing is your value in life isn't just what you see or feel yourself. Your life is part of the lives of many other people. So yes we can get very wrapped up in our pain and not see anything further than our own pain but sometimes it helps to know that there is more than ourselves.
You need to call for help dude. Seems like @bobrek provided you with an organization who can help. Getting drunk/high all the time isn't helping. Like I said earlier, you clearly care enough about living because you're still posting here. Build on that. I don't know anything about the program but I did Google the link for you. https://save.org/blog/save-charter/houston-tx/ Look. We're here to help. Don't take your life.
Yeah... I'm friends with the National Director, Dr. Dan Reidenberg. He's a great guy and their organization is top notch. They've helped a couple of people that contacted my son via his YouTube Chanel.
I didn't have a doubt. I had a close friend take his life and we apparently missed the signs so it's so important for people in this situation to speak with qualified professionals. We can provide support on the internet but that's obviously not the final solution
I've had a few friends die from suicide and yes I still feel the loss of them. This is why I keep on saying that the value of your life isn't just what you experience but your life affects and is part of many other lives.
Ive been banned from twitter and the UGA LGBT group... tbh I couldn't be happier. Being "transgender" is a fad, morally wrong, and ...not real. I was brainwashed into taking hormones. Trans "women" are a threat to society... dont let PC ness fool you I got out of the cult before it ruinedme
It honestly sounds like you want to be a woman but your upbringing or social circle has taught you to hate the idea of someone being trans, so I'm not sure just abandoning it now is what you really want or believe in deep-down. Don't turn back or hate yourself just because of some preconceived notions you have due to others and right-wing circles, there was a reason why you wanted to transition in the first place.
It doesnt matter what I want. taking pills and wearing a dress doesnt make me a woman its impossible to change genders and it should not be encouraged nearly as much as it is
