Its the only thing that keeps me alive, honestly. Im either going to hang myself, hurt other people, or get so drunk that I cant do. Ive wanted to die since I was 9...and life just gets worse. Anti depressants help, hormones help, but Im still going to be (best scenario) a ****ing freak with a hig rack, penis, and a deep voice I cant live anymore as a man, but ill never be the woman I want to be. Im a waste of oxygen
All you're talking about is meat. It has nothing to do with who you are or your identity. Get to know yourself. Start by seeing that inflicting the pain you feel inside on others is a lie we make up to seek comfort. As @rocketsjudoka said, existence is suffering. Instead of letting seeking comfort and escaping pain be your ultimate values, try to find another.
Its not just meat. In many ways, its who I am. I cannot express how it feels how disorienting it is...imagine waking up with 4 exta arms. Thats what it feels like physically but it also defines everything abiut yoy and how everyone interacts with you
Imagine not identifying with a human body at all; that's how I feel every day. It's ok to feel, but if you don't let them pass they become your cage. Reminder: rely on what's inside ya. It's designed to get you higher.
So you think I should detrans? Because thats really the alternative. I can throw my pills away in a moment's notice. Ill be living a lie...but its a damn good one.
Ive always seen masculinity as an inherent good and feminity as bad. And most of Western society agrees. Men dont want to admit it (because they want to get laid)...but thats how it is. I cant exist now. 20 years ago the feminity would have been beaten out of me. 20 years from now masclunity will be outlawed. But I exist now, and all I want is to stop the pain
of course I ****ing do...you don't think that isnt part of why I want to die? Ive lived a life people dream of, and Im still not happy you were correct. Its time to thin the herd...theres no hope for someone like me
Just so you realize I thought about killing myself a couple years ago. Looking back I’m glad I didn’t
Yeah Im sure its that easy. I also find it hard to reconcile being told that I should thin the herd with someone who supposedly tried to off themselves...conveniently after being cslled out. I want to die. And I only stay alive for others. To me thats the definition of selfishness. Especially because everyone always makes suicide about themselves ans not the dead person.
Please seek some immediate interventionist counseling and medical help. If you do nothing else, take yourself to an ER and tell them about your current mental state. Go now.
Im not going to do anything...Im too much of a coward. The ER will just institutionalize me and put me in even MORE medical debt while I lose working hours. Its not worth it
Theyre prisons that sedate you and trap you with the most psychotic people imagine and send you into debt. If you havent been you have no idea. They dump prisoners and homeless and addicts there. You get addicts throwing feces and people jerking off randomly. Fights everywhere...doors/showers dont lock
Mental health is a luxury good I cant afford. I know how to present lie and manipulate every overworked therapist, social worker, and cop to avoid going back.
Not like it matters. I wake up hungover the next day...and eventually the thread dies If I do die I get a sappy article from people who never bithered to learn my name and maybe a GoFundMe thread while you all feel guilty for a day or two
