DINK (Duel Income - No Kids) As long as you don't get divorced, there are HUGH financial benefits of getting married particularly if you both work. You decrease most of your expenses by half and double your income. Very Nice! After I got married, we paid off our car notes in short order, paid down all our credit cards and have never lived "month-to-month" since. But when kids do come along, that is also amazing. I always hated other people's kids (hated is a bit strong) but my own kid is the best!
I'm curious - If Divorces were More like break ups You take your crap . . I take my crap more Simple. . . no alimony . . . No Half my stuff I think Marriage would sky Rocket I think Alot of men see they have more to Lose in Marriage than to Gain. right or wrong. . . . If a man gets married. . . what does he gain? If a Man gets Divorces . .What does he lose? we are a Capitalistic society when an economist does the math . . . .he sees marriage is a bad investment esp for men Rocket River
It's hard to figure out what belongs to whom. I don't see how you can devise a simple system for that. What if they use a joint checking account?
You both say that, but until you have had your kids and everything that you have worked for in your entire life taken from you, it's real easy to say. I never looked at things and mine and hers. It was ours. But as soon as she ran off, it became hers and guess who gets ****ed, the guy. Then you have to pay thousands of dollars to get the opportunity to see your kids because they run off across the country. And through all of that, you miss a year of your babies growing up. Then to add insult to injury on top of all of that, the government says that you have to give that b**** a 1/4 of what you make tax free. I didn't **** the guy at work, she did. But because I'm a man, I get one last screwing that lasts me until my kids are grown. Yeah, real fair. And don't say that your wife won't do it to you, I said the same thing. There are many other guys that said that **** too with the same outcome.
you're right. i'm so sorry for what you went through and what you're going through in relation to all that. i certainly don't mean to make light of it.
I didn't think you were making light of it and no need to apologize. I was more making a point that the concerns that RR made were legit. It happens and it sucks. I also think that it has more to say about our society and the state of marriage/divorce laws. I want to get married again but it isn't something to be taken lightly. I will also never put myself in a position to get raped like that. I've never been literally raped but that is exactly the feeling that I imagine it would feel like. I'm also a lot better about it now even though I still go through spells where it bothers me. I've actually been going through one the last couple of days. I just know that it will pass soon and hopefully it won't happen again anytime soon. I also feel that you have to strike a balance of being too careful and being too impulsive. You gotta know when to back up and re-evalutate sometimes and you also have to go back out on a limb every once in a while. Too much either way isn't healthy.
As someone who hasn't been married long, I can tell you that marriage is not an easy thing. It has been the single hardest thing that I have ever done (and add to that, I am helping to raise a 6 year old girl). It has been close to 16 weeks of marriage for me and there have been some rough times but there has also been so many good times. Yea, I won't lie in the fact that there have been several times where I have wondered to myself if I made a huge mistake - I'm sure my wife has thought the same thing. It is just natural - and from what I hear, that first year is the hardest. The biggest problem for me so far with marriage has been adjusting to living with 2 people now instead of by myself. It is great that I will never be alone again but it can get hard when there are times where we don't agree on things. I think the older you are when you get married, the harder it is to adjust to married life from single life. But I am starting to get comfortable with things and I praise God every day for sending me my wife and daughter. I can see why so many people don't want to get married; they know they have to give up a selfish lifestyle and go to one that is selfless. And believe me, it has been VERY hard for me to accept that sometimes, but you do it because you love your spouse and you know she feels the same way.
Manny, congrats on your marriage! Sorry, I've been out of the loop. Marriage both sucks and is great. If it weren't for religion (her thing) and culture (both of our things), then I don't we would have done the whole thing, but rather just stay together forever. Overall it's still great and I hope it lasts until I die.
Yeah, I'm sorry you had to go through that. I didn't mean to make light of it either. I come from divorced parents, so BELIEVE ME, I'm no stranger to it. As bad as it sucks for the parents, it's worse for the kids. Like I said, I'm in my mid 30's, still single, and dating the same chick for about 4 months now, so I'm not rushing into ANYTHING. I can see myself being married to her at some point, but my rule is 1 year of red flag-less dating before marriage is even mentioned. Not saying that's a guarantee that it won't happen to me, but I think it's a pretty good rule.
I used to have the same rule...1 year of dating before marriage, but I didn't come close to doing that (for the record, my wife had a similar rule too). I guess what I am saying is that I have learned the hard way that you can't put a timetable on love and relationships. If you do, you will always be searching IMO (at least that is the way I felt until I met my wife).
The best thing about marriage is that someone is always there for you. Or rather, that should be the best thing about marriage. You can love someone even though they're unreliable - I've loved girls who were completely crazy and no good for me at all. If you marry such a girl, all the love in the world won't make that marriage worthwhile. It takes more than love. But if you can find that special girl who you can both love and count on, like you can count on your best friend, then you've got to lock her up. That's when marriage is better than everything else. With that kind of support, you can really accomplish a lot in life. To me, marriage is greater than love, sex, and making babies - it's the foundation of your adult life. You build your life upon it.
This is the most interesting thread I've read here in quite awhile. I used to hate the thought of marriage, and I figured after awhile I'd just get bored or lonely around 34/35 and settle for someone. The thought of marriage still scares me a little, because the possibility of being a housewife with 3 kids living in some conservative suburb makes me a little nauseous. But having found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, there's nothing I want more in the world than to marry him. Plus, we've talked about the future, and when we do get married, we will still have separate lives, to some extent. I can go out with my girlfriends and him with the guys, and we can trust each other (the fact that we don't drink makes me feel better about it), and we love and value each other and we know we want to spend the rest of our lives together. Marriages have gotten pretty frivolous, and in my opinion, if you're not 100% sure that you love someone and you would go through the hards times with them and put up with all their quirks and eccentricities, it's just better not to get married. Wait until you find the right person, and realize that the best relationship is the one you have to work at. If it means I have to put up with a Raiders obsession, I will gladly do it.
finalsbound, the problem isn't finding the one you love who loves you just as much, it's more about keeping that love for each other alive...forever. doesn't everyone who marries say they've found that special someone, the one who will love them unconditionally (btw, love is never unconditional)? such as it is in your case. you feel it. you know in your mind and heart, he is the one. that he will never, ever do anything to hurt you. you're especially young also and i'm not saying you aren't mature enough to detect true love, but things change.
The main point I'm trying to get across is most people are not truly in love with their significant other when they decide to get married. This view may have stemmed from the situations of my friends, who have gone through tons of guys like crazy, never feel satisfied, and end up settling for someone. I'm not trying to argue with you. As much as it annoys me when people call Derek and I naive, to a certain degree we are. But in a way maybe that's a good thing. A lot of people who have sex with each other before marriage (I know today that's the norm) many times end up thinking that they're the ONE. (This especially applies to women, more specifically, a lot of girls I know). If we can stay together 2 or so more years before we get married, I think that would show something rare between us. It's not about sex, it's about enjoying each other and loving just hanging out and being together. We've had our problems thus far but we truly care about each other and we work through them together. I could never imagine being with anyone else. Maybe I'm being silly, but mayyybbe I really am ready for a long-lasting love.
your approach is the right one. you cant approach a marriage with skepticism. if you don't feel the way you're feeling than you shouldn't be getting married. if you do feel that way, then maybe you should. love isn't analytical. it doesn't start with balance sheets and financial statements. love isn't about yourself. i won't lie...it's work. it's work to put someone before yourself. and in the first year of marriage it can be real tough. but i can't imagine entering a marriage with any approach BUT the one you have right now towards him. for whatever all that's worth. it should be fun...exciting...dizzy. it should be all those things. that's great. that's truly living. just work to keep it that way forever, if you decide to get married. and yes...all of that is a huge setup for pain. because it's letting someone else in...and being vulnerable. and i've had my heart ripped out like that before, too. but it's still worth it. i've been married to my wife for 9 years. i don't regret any of it. she is my best friend. she stands in the position of being the one with the power to hurt me most of anyone. i stand in that same position in her life. but the inverse is true too...because i can't imagine being without her. i sound like an old man! i'll get out of the pulpit now!
then, that right there's the problem. i think true, true love is a great thing. but man it would suck if you on the wrong end of this stick.
I've tried to explain the same thing to friends and family who don't have kids. I have two boys with my wife of 7 years now and even when me and the wife aren't seeing eye to eye I love being a dad to my rug rats. I couldn't imagine life without my boys and I know even if we were to get divorced later I will never stop being part of their lives. The thing with marriage, as in life, there are no guarantees even if you take the time and make a good decision on the woman you marry (which most guys don't they just go with the first chick that says yes because they want to get laid). Pick a person that is responsible, willing to work at your relationship, and they must be some what selfless and you'll at least have some good ingredients to start with.
