This Jamaican woman felt that her love life was slipping because her husband had no more interest in sex. While shopping one day, she passed an adult shop and saw some crotchless panties, so she decided to buy one and try to use it to excite and seduce him. That evening she took a long bath, put on a favorite perfume, and then she put on a sexy negligee and her new crotchless panties. Then she slithered into the room where her husband was watching TV as usual. She stands right in front of him, with one foot resting high on the ottoman, negligee wide open, and whispers "yu wah some a dis?". Her husband looks up at her wide-eyed and says. "No sah, yu mad, yuh nuh see wha it do to yu panty!"
A lawyer married a woman who had divorced 8 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband "Please be gentle with me, I'm still a virgin". "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be, you have been married 8 times?" "Well, husband #1 was a Politician, he kept telling me how great it would be. Husband #2 was a Salesman, never tried it but told others how great it is. Husband #3 was an Engineer, he understood the process but wanted a few years to study possible methods of implementing the process. Husband #4 was in Management, he thought he knew how, was told by others how to do it, tutored and seen video clips on how but was never able to deliver. Husband #5 was a Mama's boy, she would not let him do it. Husband #6 was a Psychologist, all he did was talk about it. Husband #7 was a Gynecologist, all he wanted to do was look at it. Husband #8 was a stamp collector, all he wanted to do... GOD I miss him!" "But now that I married you, I am really excited!" "Good" said the new husband "but why?" "Because" said the new bride "You're a Lawyer, I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
Q: Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? A: The food is great, but there is no atmosphere. (thank you Bazooka Joe)
Three guys go camping but only one of them remember to bring a sleeping bag, so the three decide to huddle together for the night. The next morning they wake up and the guy on the left says, "Man what a great night's sleep! I had a dream that this hot chick was giving me a handjob." Upon hearing this, the guy on the right goes, "Wow, really? I had the same exact dream!" The guy in the middle, looking dejected, replies, "No such luck for me. I dreamed I was going skiing."
Why does a chicken coupe have two doors? If it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan... (thank you Laffy Taffy)
