In need of a little advice on a bizarre relationship debacle...

Don't be nice. The slow grill is always more painful.

There are more clingy women than clingy men. He'll be fine. Be firm and if he asks why, don't answer (it'll **** him up more if you do) and be firm again.

P.S. It sounds like you really ****ed him up with the mixed signals.

 

QUESTION: Were *ever* interested in a romantic relationship?
maybe from the beginning you were infactuate
but
it was more of a big ole LIKE Senario
[Hell you are 20ish . .. too young to be thinking THAT SERIOUS IMO]

Well . .most Friends to MORE THAN FRiends end with folx no longer being Friends

esp when you young

SOMEONE ALWAYS CATCHES MORE FEELINGS THAN THE OTHER

Rocket River

 

every guy been there once

The reality . . . . Good friends are hard to come by
If you are a good male friend. . . women generally don't want
to f*** that up by sleeping with you or being serious. . . .
I think our thread started just learned that lesson
so
I figure the next time she has a good male friend. . .she will
put him through what you have up there
[THE CIRCLE OF LIFE!!!!]

Guys need to know the RULEs
BE FRIENDLY . . . NEVER FRIENDS!!!!! with women you interested in.


Rocket River

 

I told him I loved him but it wasn't a romantic love, that I've felt a brotherly relationship growing and I couldn't pursue a romantic relationship, I just CAN'T. That I also feel like I need to be free from boys for awhile, and not have all the drama and heartache.


Wrong! You left the door cracked. He will stalk you like bird dog.

You are failing to understand the power of a man's sex drive. We are willing to say anything we think you want to hear if there is any chance of us hitting it.

he is in love and it's not the typical teenage relationship, he said he didn't need sex or any physicality...except holding me.

Can you not see through this total bullcrap?

You aren't done with this dude yet.

 

It's good he admitted you two cannot be friends without the relationship. Most "clingy" people want to stay friends with the hope the relationship will restart. It's important from this day forward you give him zero mixed signals. Telling him you loved him was a HUGE mistake and you shouldn't have cried on his shoulder.

 

I'm not calling men's sex drive "evil', I'm just saying for most young men it is the motivating force for about 100% their actions. It's our biological imperative. It has the power to color our perceptions and value systems in a way that makes our actions seem reasonable.

You know I'm an old dude like your grammy right? I'm just giving you information I would give my daughter.

 

If you hear or understand anything else in this thread, hear this:

We are all that type of guy.

 

I don't know if I agree that the door was still left open. The guy stood up for himself, admitting that he couldn't be "just friends". That's actually a good sign, stalker-wise.

As for where to go now, one of two things needs to happen. Either you respect this guy's wishes and leave him alone for a good six months to a year, or you realize you made a mistake and you go back to him and bang his brains out.

You won't see this as a possibility now, but I know many women that didn't realize how they felt about a guy until he took a stand. If that doesn't happen, leave him alone. You two can possibly be friends again, but he has to move on first, and it will never be the same. Men aren't that fun to be friends with when they're no longer interested in you.

 

I'm old enough to be your father and will give you a fatherly answer: Yes. Yes. Yes. Especially guys in their teens and 20s. Not all of them, but a huge number of them. Even older guys sometimes.

 

Watch the movie "When Harry met Sally" and you will know everything you need to know about the male female dynamic.

Guys and Girls can't be good friends when one has romantic feelings for the other. If you don't want to date him, don't talk to him. Its better for everyone.

 

i dont like the crying on his shoulder part, the 'you love him, but only as a brother' part, 'hope to be friends' part.

i kind of think that women that are in your position secretly love the drama they're in, and i'm talking about the situation where the guy is kind of stalkerish but isn't really breaking any law.

 

Hah! Man, you know how many times I've heard that? All my female friends say that. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. "Kam, You're such a good friend to me, just like a brother." or something. That's the kiss of death.

Sucks for that guy.

If you guys are really good friends, then nothing should change it.

I'm trying to avoid this friend of mine, hoping that she comes crawling back. So far, um, she called me once this morning. The first time since Friday afternoon. And like an idiot I picked up.

 

See, it's a pretty common strategy. Guys aren't hard to figure. Mark my words, you will hear from him again. If things don't go better for you without him, the 'memory' of him will start getting better. The known commodity, even though it wasn't that good , will seem better than the the unknown.
He will show up ready to comfort you.

 

whoa whoa whoa. time out. I don't want no guy comforting me. No thank you. Kam doesn't roll that way, nothing wrong with that, but Kam just doesnt roll like that.


posted by kam, cause im too lazy to reply quote myself :
I'm trying to avoid this friend of mine, hoping that she comes crawling back. So far, um, she called me once this morning. The first time since Friday afternoon. And like an idiot I picked up.


I like to bump and hump the ladies.

 

i've only read the OP, and i admit, i USED to be THAT guy. it was only b/c i didn't know any better and didn't know how to deal with women. years of experience has taught me that clingy = desperation = lots of lonely nights. he will always have hope (i always did) if you don't set him straight.