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In need of a little advice on a bizarre relationship debacle...

Discussion in 'BBS Hangout' started by finalsbound, Mar 4, 2006.

  1. Invisible Fan

    Invisible Fan Member

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    Don't be nice. The slow grill is always more painful.

    There are more clingy women than clingy men. He'll be fine. Be firm and if he asks why, don't answer (it'll **** him up more if you do) and be firm again.

    P.S. It sounds like you really ****ed him up with the mixed signals.
     
  2. Rocket River

    Rocket River Member

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    QUESTION: Were *ever* interested in a romantic relationship?
    maybe from the beginning you were infactuate
    but
    it was more of a big ole LIKE Senario
    [Hell you are 20ish . .. too young to be thinking THAT SERIOUS IMO]

    Well . .most Friends to MORE THAN FRiends end with folx no longer being Friends

    esp when you young

    SOMEONE ALWAYS CATCHES MORE FEELINGS THAN THE OTHER

    Rocket River
     
  3. Rocket River

    Rocket River Member

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    every guy been there once

    The reality . . . . Good friends are hard to come by
    If you are a good male friend. . . women generally don't want
    to f*** that up by sleeping with you or being serious. . . .
    I think our thread started just learned that lesson
    so
    I figure the next time she has a good male friend. . .she will
    put him through what you have up there :D
    [THE CIRCLE OF LIFE!!!!]

    Guys need to know the RULEs
    BE FRIENDLY . . . NEVER FRIENDS!!!!! with women you interested in.


    Rocket River
     
  4. finalsbound

    finalsbound Member

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    I just got back from his apartment. I went partly because of advice from my grandma through an e-mail, what do you know...

    We had somewhat of a civil conversation. Well there was cursing and tears and everything, but I think pretty much everything is sorted out.

    So what I got out of the conversation was, he is in love and it's not the typical teenage relationship, he said he didn't need sex or any physicality...except holding me. What the hell do you say to that. So half the time I was in his arms and he talked. And talked and talked. I asked him if he thought we were boyfriend/girlfriend, because the terms of "us" had never really been defined. He said he didn't want to press the issue. I said wtf, tell me this: am i leading you on? He said yes. So I said "then we need to press the issue."

    I told him I loved him but it wasn't a romantic love, that I've felt a brotherly relationship growing and I couldn't pursue a romantic relationship, I just CAN'T. That I also feel like I need to be free from boys for awhile, and not have all the drama and heartache. Surprisingly he didn't blow up as I thought he would. He did say, however, that if I end the relationship he doesn't think we can be friends. (Which is what y'all have been saying, what do you know...). And like a frickin girl I cried, on his shoulder, for awhile, he didn't show much emotion...and then I left, I don't think our friendship is done forever, but then again it might be. I don't want it to. I think he accepted it, he just pretty much doesn't want to see me.

    I also think he thought I was interested in someone else, which is not true, and I made that clear. I'm at a point in my life, when, not to sound cliche, but I want to focus on God and not guys. If I just lost a great friendship, that sucks, but I didn't want to lead him on anymore, especially because I didn't consider him my "boyfriend" to begin with.

    Thanks for all your help guys. The past couple days have been very frustrating. I really love this bulletin board, it's amazing. I'm feeling extremely sentimental right now, so I guess I'll go and do something girly like make a scrapbook. Or sleep...
     
  5. Dubious

    Dubious Member

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    I told him I loved him but it wasn't a romantic love, that I've felt a brotherly relationship growing and I couldn't pursue a romantic relationship, I just CAN'T. That I also feel like I need to be free from boys for awhile, and not have all the drama and heartache.


    Wrong! You left the door cracked. He will stalk you like bird dog.

    You are failing to understand the power of a man's sex drive. We are willing to say anything we think you want to hear if there is any chance of us hitting it.

    he is in love and it's not the typical teenage relationship, he said he didn't need sex or any physicality...except holding me.

    Can you not see through this total bullcrap?

    You aren't done with this dude yet.
     
    #45 Dubious, Mar 5, 2006
    Last edited: Mar 5, 2006
  6. finalsbound

    finalsbound Member

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    He's not that type of guy, really. And I know you mean all men have some kind of evil ulterior motive, but I don't believe he is in it for sex. I don't think I'm being naive, either. I don't want to have sex til i'm married, and he doesn't want to have sex til marriage, and it's clear we're not getting married.

    I don't know what else to do.

    Pfft, won't be sleeping anytime soon...
     
  7. apostolic3

    apostolic3 Member

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    It's good he admitted you two cannot be friends without the relationship. Most "clingy" people want to stay friends with the hope the relationship will restart. It's important from this day forward you give him zero mixed signals. Telling him you loved him was a HUGE mistake and you shouldn't have cried on his shoulder.
     
  8. finalsbound

    finalsbound Member

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    The thing is he didn't act sentimental about it. He just patted me on the shoulder or whatever and after awhile asked me to leave.

    And I do love him, and I said that in hopes we could still talk. But thats not happening, he made it clear.

    It'll be hard but I do believe we'll both get over it.
     
  9. Dubious

    Dubious Member

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    I'm not calling men's sex drive "evil', I'm just saying for most young men it is the motivating force for about 100% their actions. It's our biological imperative. It has the power to color our perceptions and value systems in a way that makes our actions seem reasonable.

    You know I'm an old dude like your grammy right? I'm just giving you information I would give my daughter.
     
  10. finalsbound

    finalsbound Member

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    But is that sex drive such a force that it would cause men to tell outright lies?

    I don't believe it in most cases...
     
  11. Rashmon

    Rashmon Member

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    If you hear or understand anything else in this thread, hear this:

    We are all that type of guy.
     
  12. bejezuz

    bejezuz Member

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    I don't know if I agree that the door was still left open. The guy stood up for himself, admitting that he couldn't be "just friends". That's actually a good sign, stalker-wise.

    As for where to go now, one of two things needs to happen. Either you respect this guy's wishes and leave him alone for a good six months to a year, or you realize you made a mistake and you go back to him and bang his brains out.

    You won't see this as a possibility now, but I know many women that didn't realize how they felt about a guy until he took a stand. If that doesn't happen, leave him alone. You two can possibly be friends again, but he has to move on first, and it will never be the same. Men aren't that fun to be friends with when they're no longer interested in you.
     
  13. apostolic3

    apostolic3 Member

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    I'm old enough to be your father and will give you a fatherly answer: Yes. Yes. Yes. Especially guys in their teens and 20s. Not all of them, but a huge number of them. Even older guys sometimes.
     
  14. rockbox

    rockbox Around before clutchcity.com

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    Watch the movie "When Harry met Sally" and you will know everything you need to know about the male female dynamic.

    Guys and Girls can't be good friends when one has romantic feelings for the other. If you don't want to date him, don't talk to him. Its better for everyone.
     
  15. fba34

    fba34 Member

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    i dont like the crying on his shoulder part, the 'you love him, but only as a brother' part, 'hope to be friends' part.

    i kind of think that women that are in your position secretly love the drama they're in, and i'm talking about the situation where the guy is kind of stalkerish but isn't really breaking any law.
     
  16. finalsbound

    finalsbound Member

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    well i guess i wouldn't have the opportunity to secretly enjoy that, since he's not a stalker and doesn't want to speak to me again.

    It was me who wanted to keep the friendship you know, HE walked away...and it sure didn't seem like he'd turn around and come back. I detest drama. It's awkward and terrible and too "junior high" for me to want to go back to.

    Well, whatever. Thats that, we're through, and any inkling of a friendship is out the window. We were great friends, but it's not like the world is coming to an end. He was just *a friend* a had during my freshman year of college. After awhile, we'll both stop thinking about it.

    .
     
  17. Kam

    Kam Member

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    Hah! Man, you know how many times I've heard that? All my female friends say that. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. "Kam, You're such a good friend to me, just like a brother." or something. That's the kiss of death.

    Sucks for that guy.

    If you guys are really good friends, then nothing should change it.

    I'm trying to avoid this friend of mine, hoping that she comes crawling back. So far, um, she called me once this morning. The first time since Friday afternoon. And like an idiot I picked up.
     
  18. Dubious

    Dubious Member

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    See, it's a pretty common strategy. Guys aren't hard to figure. Mark my words, you will hear from him again. If things don't go better for you without him, the 'memory' of him will start getting better. The known commodity, even though it wasn't that good , will seem better than the the unknown.
    He will show up ready to comfort you.
     
  19. Kam

    Kam Member

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    whoa whoa whoa. time out. I don't want no guy comforting me. No thank you. Kam doesn't roll that way, nothing wrong with that, but Kam just doesnt roll like that.


    posted by kam, cause im too lazy to reply quote myself :
    I'm trying to avoid this friend of mine, hoping that she comes crawling back. So far, um, she called me once this morning. The first time since Friday afternoon. And like an idiot I picked up.


    I like to bump and hump the ladies.
     
  20. macalu

    macalu Member

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    i've only read the OP, and i admit, i USED to be THAT guy. it was only b/c i didn't know any better and didn't know how to deal with women. years of experience has taught me that clingy = desperation = lots of lonely nights. he will always have hope (i always did) if you don't set him straight.
     

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