Congrats! Question...would things have been different between the mother and you had you known when she was first pregnant that it was your child? Maybe she wouldn't have married another man then? Would you and her have worked out? Or, would you still be over and the relationship a thing of the past? Don't answer these questions lightly. I think it's great your a Dad but I'm not sure how I feel seeing as how this is not a family package. This seems kind of like a divorce scenario. At the very least, you may not see her as much as you'd like and vice versa. On the other hand, she essentially has two daddies now so she may get the best of both worlds.
hmm. that's a tough question to answer. considering the fact that her & i went through two miscarraiges while we were together, there are a number of emotions involved in the situation....everything from exhultation to lamentation. i do know this much: they would not be married if we had known that the daughter was mine. would we have worked it out? hard to say. we broke up for three reasons: 1) the miscarraiges and the psychological effects they were having on me (and her); 2) she was immature & suffering from some emotional instabilities; & 3) i was not wanting to commit to a long term relationship anymore, and she felt like she needed that commitment. i don't regret breaking up with her, at all. now, she's become much more mature and stable (i guess having a child will expedite that process). she also has found the commitment that she looked for; and i'm happy that she has found it! you're right about it not being the "ideal situation", but i tell ya what, Surfguy, you can never have enough love in your life. if he wants to continue to be a part of her life and stay with his wife, i'm 110% behind it. he's done an excellent job to this point, and i hope he continues to do so. i just want to be there as much as i can. i just want to spend time with my daughter. the mother and i do have a wonderful relationship still. child support, visitation, etc. will all be handled outside of the courts. of course, i will be documenting everything, but neither one of us see the need to get "the man" involved. "the man" doesn't give a damn about the father. she and i both know that and would rather come to agreements on our own terms.
I don't mean to sound pessimistic, and it's great that you guys can work this stuff out, but document EVERYTHING!!! People and situations change. Another thing...I would put 20% of you income away retroactive to the birth of your child. If things go south, and I hope they don't, you won't have to be digging deep in your pocket to come up with the child support that you "should have" been paying. If things stay smooth, she will have a nice little savings account waiting for her to start her adult life. Above all else, do what's best for your child.
I'm happy for you. Weird situation though. But your goal is not to make anyone but ur daughter happy. You should post her pic on the web so we can see what she looks like. Wait Better not let Antisonic get his paws on it.
Congrats !! Now let me throw a wrench into the works. What about the daughters confusion? There is no way she could understand that the man who has raised her for a year is not her daddy. She has a daddy, and he is married to your ex. Hopefully, you guys can come up with an equitable way of dealing with it. The husband will be hurt, but remember...above everyone else's feelings, including yours verse....that it is the little girl that matters. Good luck, DD
gotta run, but, would you believe she called me "dada" like the 4th or 5th time i saw her? i think it's possible for her to see 2 father figures. whether she calls them dad or not is of less importance, although i'd prefer she always called me dad. as she gets older, and her reasoning capabilities expand, she'll be able to understand the situation better. until then, i'll sacrifice some pride in order to make life as easy on her as possible... oh, and thanks to everyone for the congrats so far. be back tomorrow with more of this story (yes, there is more...)
very much. i'm still having difficulty with missing the first 11 mos. of her life and the 40 weeks of her mother's pregnancy. i wanted to be there. really did. still, i'm trying to focus on the positive - that i found out as early as i did. i can't fathom finding out 5, 10, or 20 years down the line...or even worse, never finding out. that's why i didn't mind coughing up 4 bills for the dna test. my sanity and happiness is well worth it.
verse, Congratulations! I'm glad that you found out about her...guess you might have had a little whisper in your ear. Hope things work out great for all of you. I imagine this could be quite tough on your Ex's husband.
