Ok I take back the first one, it definitely would have to be letting a baby seal club me for all the harm this board has caused them. :grin:
I think it would be really hard to kill yourself. Your self preservation instincts would start kicking in.
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I would drive a burning car into a burning building where they store chainsaws and acid and then the firemen come but they're actually alligators in acid proof fireman disguises and they spray you with vinegar, lemon juice, and salt and swallow you whole and inside the alligator's stomach is this little guy who says, "This is my home get the hell out!" and he shoots you with a shotgun full of nails and sics his pet badger on you and saws your leg off and he kicks you out and you get a staph infection in the alligator's colon and you're pooped out into the sewer where you drown in filth and the city power main breaks and lands in your eye electrocuting you and your spleen explodes and you find out you have AIDS and a Ninja Turtle ****s you to death and now he has AIDS and you're covered in radioactive ooze and your ass becomes a mutant crab that starts pinching your ass and a hobo steals your skin and they take you to the morgue and freeze you to death and the coroner is that damn Ninja Turtle who ****s you to death again and gives you gonorrhea and a spider lays eggs in your hair and they bury you alive and you suffocate and the bottom falls out of your grave and you fall into a bottomless pit and you go to Hell. to then be taunted by the devil and raped!
adding on to your death... then you realize it wasn't the devil but just charles barkley in disguise who was pretty much pissed off because the only image that keeps playing on a forever ongoing film strip is this: ooo maybe i took it too far... sorry for the memories...
The guy's name in this story is Sergey Tuganov.... Tuganov....Tuganoff....Tuggin' off. I do not want to die from tuggin' off. But I'll take the sex.
Go on a murderous rampage and force the cops to shoot me down* *quick forgiveness prayer before getting shot so I can sneak into heaven
I don't know, but at my funeral, I want it to be a closed casket. As soon as everyone sits down and it's getting really bleak and tear-filled in the funeral home, I want techno music to come on the pa system, disco balls and strobe lights to drop from the ceiling, and my suspended dead body to come down from the rafters, like a little puppet, hanging over the horrified crowd. Then, they'll all realize it's a huge joke, and after a second think (oh that's so him!) and my funeral will be a huge party.
