If masturbation in the USA suddenly became illegal and was punishable by death...

I believe the rape numbers will skyrocket since the punishment is far less severe.

 

never masturbated, so wouldn't affect me at all.

 

That'd be a dick move for sure.

And would call about penal reforms.

 

Everyone would have like a hundred kids.

 

You know what they say about that 99%, the other 1% is lying.

 

Jontro will be the hardest hit

 

We'd all become poets, scholars, and scientists.

 

I'd invest in the Realistic Blow Up Doll industry. That might be a hole in the law.

 

I'm pretty sure it still counts.

If anything, the beastiality rate may rise a little.

While prostitutes will earn as much as doctors.

 

This is the worst high school term-paper topic I've ever seen.

Good luck, skippy.

 

Don't underestimate HS boys nowadays. This term paper might get his English teacher excited.

 

Let's not forget that women masturbate, too. If anything, this will increase consensual SEX for both sexes by orders of magnitude.

 

16 & Pregnant

 

Police will have to the place the massaging shower head isle at the plumbing supply store under intense surveillance.

 

We should also point out that the Koch brothers who are worth $55b and own one of the largest toilet paper and tissue companies in the world would likely lobby against this law to protect their market.

 

I would eat my own face.

 

This is my ghost posting here....

 

That would be a crime that would be impossible to rub out.

If enforceable this would be our future.

Spoiler

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