Idea: post (serious) advice for 18-21 yr olds here...

Princess, I was tempted to drop you some advice in another thread, but this last request has finally broken me down.

You are by every sence of the word, YOUNG. young is good, it is a time when you have less concequences for you can rebound quicker. its a time when everything seems black and white so everything is not a blur yet. young is the best time to fall in love, and its the best time to be single. unfortunately from my experiences(im 27 BTW) Young is definately the time to pine away over a long distance relationship.
ok im sorry i wrote that, but the crushing truth is that long distance dosnt work for your average or even above average 18 year old. there are exceptions, but i suspect that most of the relationships that work long distance end in an ugly way. ok that sentence dosnt make much sence, so i will explain with example.

how many couples go into collage (different schools) planing on calling each other all semester, visiting often, and continuing over christmass break just like in HS?? PLENTY!. how many of those last past thanksgiving let alone the whole year.
young people are learning things so quickly when 18, they become different people in a matter of months. so many experiences, do much development. it is ecpected that a couple will grow apart even if they are in the same place. if they are each having experiences, and learning in different places, than they become vastly different. there will be jealousy there will be financial constraints(phone bill) and there will be a hell of a lot of temptation.

my best advice is to experience the world in all its facets. to become a sponge and soak up what the world offers you. in a few year when you start to settle down, squeeze the sponge and live off what you have learned. because there is only so much you can get from reading these posts, or listening to friends. you have to live and experience in order to gain true wisdom.
so I have to say that it is unlikely that your relationship will last with linus. it is something you two should talk about. i mean talk about what ifs. a man in the military has extra temptations over collage, and extra pressure to blow off.

justy talk through every emotion you feel with him, and explain any doubts.

sorry if this isnt waht you want to read.
remember youre young, and so is he.

PEACE

 

Voice of Reason-You're right, it's not what I want to hear, but it is true. He's 26 and I'm 20 and there's a million reasons that we won't work.

I was really really scared about him leaving, all the what ifs. And we did talk about them and we're both aware of everything. I've already gotten like 6 phone calls from him when I haven't been expecting any and two letters. I know it's early, but I'm being optimistic.

The good news is that we had a strong relationship going into this. We've been good friends for 5 years and dating for a year and a 7 months. I do know lots of people at school that have long distance relationships, and they're working so far. I know it's not the norm, but it makes me feel better.

Once we get through the first two and second two months, it should be easier (provided that he's not shipped to Korea or Pakistan or someplace, which if he has his way, he won't). I can visit and he can visit and we can call each other and email, none of which we can do now. We both committed to this things to at least see if it'll work.

I know it might not last. And it makes me so incredibly sad to think about that, so I try not to. The point it that if we do want it to work, he has to do this. He needs a career for himself and for any future we might have together. That's what I have to keep in mind.

 

Princess,

Trust in your heart. If you truely love him, then trust & believe in him. Never let any doubt sneak in to your heart. You can't control what someone else does or doesn't do, but you can control what you believe. Also, I wouldn't listen to anyone, that even slightly, attempts to plant a seed of doubt in your mind, whether it's intentional or unintentional (no offense meant VOR).

There's a saying, that I believe is very true in regards to relationships & it goes something like this:

If you release a butterfly & it never returns, then it wasn't your's to have. But, if you release the butterfly & it does return, it is your's to keep forever.

Trust in your heart.

 

What if you release the butterfly and it splatters on somebody's windshield as they're doing about 70 down I45? 'Cause that happens to me a lot.


... hi, I'm Diseased Monkey and I've taken over Dr of Dunk's computer.

 

Great words of advice. And that's what I've been trying to do and what I will continue to do.

Before he left I was a wreck. I had never done anything remotely like this before and had no idea how hard or easy it would be and what it would be like. Once he actually left though, all the worries went away. I know we both love each other and I have to trust and have faith in that. It's only been a few days, but I haven't stopped thinking about him one second. And my family, his family and our friends are all being really supportive. And so are all of you on here! I really appreciate the support.

Thank you again all. Keep the advice (on anything) coming.

I would like to leave a little advice of my own, to those getting ready to enter college.

No matter what anybody tells you about college, it won't really be what you expected. And getting into college is important, but try to not stress over it too much. If you get in and apply youreself and get good grades and a degree, that's what it's about more than where you go, I think. Older guys, you can tell me if I'm wrong or not. But do enjoy it, because the time goes quickly. I never though I'd ever be 20, but it's here, and I'm a junior alredy, after 3 semesters. It moves real fast.

(Hopefully, that means April 5 will come around fast too. Miss you Lynus!)

 

Advice?

1. This life is yours, actively live it. That means to keep yourself happy and don't just let the current lead you - decide who you want to be and where you want to go (i.e. grow);

2. Be careful with 'when I get this or that or do this or that, then I'll be happy'. Life is a journey, not just destinations. Go ahead and be happy today;

3. Re. career - find want you enjoy and pursue it. That will be key to success AND happiness. Don't forget, money isn't the final goal;

4. Don't ever lose perspective;

5. We all have lessons to learn. If you do not solve them in youth, nature will continue to repeat them and they will become increasingly serious as you age;

6. We all interpret things differently and have different values. Take a few extra moments to try to understand the other person's perception. It will help you understand and anticipate the actions of others;

7. Remember that we are all mortal. We will not be here forever; we only rent our space on this planet. Enjoy everything this wonderful existence can offer. Maybe that means bungee jumping in Australia, enjoying a cappuccino in a Roman piazza with your spouse, staring in your new baby's eyes, or whatever.
Personally, I place utmost value on family and community (the cappuccino ain't bad either).

Gee, does my age show yet? I'm feeling old! (not really)



BTW BK,

Mine is dark blue and it drives like a dream.

 

Princess:

Lynus hasn't actually arrived at Basic yet (although he probably thinks he has - they're screwing with him right now). Was he sobbing uncontrollably, and muttering "My DI is the f*ing Devil, my worst nightmare, he even told me so right after he threw me across the room, and he says I'm in hell... I wanna come home..."? I'm betting that he hadn't actually met his DIs (he'll have one primary DI, but they travel in packs) when he called you. The fact that they let him call you means that he's just in Inprocessing... He is in hell for the next 10 weeks. A Living Hell. It's so bad, he will remember every detail of Basic for the rest of his life - vividly.

Try not to think about what he's going through. He'll be a better man when he gets out, and he probably won't regret it. He will be a changed man, though... You should be warned about that. He will be different when he gets out. But I think that you're smart enough - and that your relationship is strong enough - that you will realize that it's a change for the better. He will find his direction in life. I personally think that he was meant for Army life.

VOR has some good points, but if you really want to be with Lynus, you will wait for him. Military life has its sacrifices, but it also has its rewards. The long-distance thing is likely only temporary, and there's always a good chance that he will be stationed here in Texas. Tell him to select a 3rd Army/3rd Corps posting like I recommended to him!!!

Even though I have never met either of you, my sixth sense () tells me that you're good peoples, and that your relationship is solid. The choice is of course yours to make, but I will give you - and every other young person here - one more piece of advice:

Never blow a good thing. Immediate adventurism, experimentation, and just plain fun is something that will never - never make up for a single lost great opportunity. You will regret it for your entire life.

If I'd have taken that advice instead of thinking that I should "play the game while I was in good shape" like some others here have recommended, I'd probably be happily married right now (I told Lynus about that one). Instead, I've played a big, exciting game - and have absolutely nothing to show for it relationship-wise. I wish now that I had a time machine...

Never blow a good thing - especially a good, stable, meaningful relationship. They are more rare than you might think; they don't come along too often. Maybe only once in a lifetime for some.

Good luck, stay solid, and keep us informed.

Feel free to email me if you have any questions/concerns. We Army people look out for each other.

 

Treeman-yes, he's still in processing. He called me again tonight. We've both had our share of people telling us we won't last (mostly, they think I'll cheat on him which I would never do...if we don't work, then we don't work and we'll move on, but I could NEVER hurt him like that).

It's so good though just to hear his voice. I told him y'all are taking care of me

He won't actually start basic until the 8th, so I should hear from him at least a couple of more times (hopefully). He said he thinks they're starting PT tests tomorrow. He said he's hoping to break his leg going up or down stairs so he can come home to me! I know he won't, but I kinda wish he would too.

The good news is that every day, April 5th is getting closer, even though it's really slow right now.

Thanks for the advice. It means a lot. And Lynus appreciates it too. He said he's going to do everything he can to stay in Texas!

 

Excellent, Princess . You've got the right attitude. You cannot forsee what a tremendous impact that will have on your future relationship with Lynus...

I know I just said to try not to think about what he's going to be going through, but I've gotta fill you in on the basics...

His first three hours:

He's probably staying in a relative luxury suite right now. The DI who greeted him was exceptionally nice and polite. He might as well be in a Hilton right now. The DI greeter even gave him some tips on how to get through Basic alive: "Always keep your hands in your pockets. They don't want to feel threatened. Always walk whenever you've got to get somewhere. We are pretty laid back. Oh, and call your Drill Instructors 'Sir', they'll get mad if you don't..." Your "Greeter" leaves, and you wait.

Then a cattle truck pulls up. No s*it - a cattle truck.

About 30 of these new recruits - each carrying about 70-90lbs worth of gear in two bags - are herded into a standard cattle truck for the bumpy ride to Camp. They are packed like sardines. It is dark - only small slits let light in. It's about 100 times worse than riding in a prison bus, or in the back of an old pickup with 10 other people - and with a tarp thrown over the back.

You stop. You hear dogs barking. The 2 side doors burst open and you are greeted with a pack of apparently wild dogs who want to tear you to pieces. On each side a large man wearing a DI hat grabs the first sardine and jerks him out; a domino effect occurs. People and bags spill out of the cattle truck. You notice that the dust is especially fine, and is kicked up by the slightest movement. Needless to say, 30 bodies and 60 heavy bags kicks up alot of dust (it's clay, actually, specifically designed for this encounter)... The entire group is engulfed by a huge dustcloud.

No one can see anything. Clay is entering your mouth, nose, and other orifices; you're covered in it from head to toe. All the while, the large men who started this chaos are feeding the chaos by yelling at the top of their considerable lungs "Get in formation! (no one knows how - chaos)", "You! Get your f*ing a*s up! lead these men (who is he pointing to?) into formation!" "Whose gear is this?! (it was all mixed up when they opened the doors)... Total, complete chaos. And unseen voices and menacing bodies threatening (and insulting) you because you can't make sense of the chaos...

After a while of this, an engine sounds. Through the dustcloud, a few recruits will notice that the approaching vehicle looks like a firetruck. Everyone will know immediately when the high-power firehoses are turned on them... Immediately turning all of the powdery clay into a frozen cake.

Drenched, Freezing, eventually the platoon comes to a semblence of order. The DIs then run/walk you to your barracks. Since the barracks are spotless, and the DIs demand they be kept that way, you are made to strip off your dirty, drenched, caked clothes out in the open - in front of the whole base - into dry clothes. Then you enter your home for the next 10 weeks.

The slick floor is more clean than a BMW that has just come out of a $100 detailing. This is important, as you will hope to slide across it (anstead of just "thud" against it) at a later date... Everyone is assigned bunks, and you are told to sit on the floor in front of your bunk. The DIs tell you that your DI will be there shortly... (As you're wondering "whe the hell are these guys? I thought they were my DIs?", remember that they travel in packs...)

The friendly "Greeter" walks in, and shows you up close and personal just how good of an actor that he really is...

That's the first three hours or so. Welcome to Basic Infantry Training...

Princess, I gave this one away this just to illustrate why he might seem different, and to give you his side of what's going on. This will go on for 10 weeks (although it will get easier for him as time passes). He is in hell, and since you are close, you need the real scoop - you need to be warned.

But you've got the right attitude. His completion date is drawing closer with every second. Trust me, he will alternate his thoughts between that and how he can murder his DI...

I think you guys can make it.

 

Cattle trucks?!? Covered in mud?!? What are they doing to my baby???

It all sounds so scary, but I think he's expecting it. He's knows more about this stuff I think than most people going in. And I'm here to tell him it'll all be okay.

Thanks for the info and vote of confidence.

Everyday, it seems, I'm a little less sad, which is good. I still cry after every phone call though. It really sucks, but I'll get through it. We'll be stronger for it.

I feel like this thread has turned into an advice column devoted to Princess and Lynus!

I appreciate it though!

 

Exactly.

Right now you don't want to know what else they're going to do to him - he'll tell you all about it later...

You will both be stronger for it.

And this thread is still what it is... Financial advice ain't the only advice that 18-21 year olds need.

 

treeman, you're like my new best friend!

Lynus always said you were cool!

 

That's funny? Lynus always told me that you were cool...

Everything will work out.

I have enemies here, so I'm not the best "best friend" in the world to have...

 

That's cuz I am cool.

It's ok. I don't always hold the most popular opinion either!

Any more advice about anything from anyone else. This is like the best thread ever!

 

Just read this, and draw your own conclusions:

http://bbs.clutchcity.net/php3/showthread.php?s=&threadid=14100&highlight=life

The thread sequence is a bit out of sinc, but... Duke knows everything.

 

Then I guess the butterfly isn't coming back & it wasn't meant to be.

 

Use a condom...

 

Advice tidbit #37: Never reuse a used condom.

 

hopefully, no one really needed that advice...
and if they did, they probably need more help than that

 

I just found out that my friend has all of his credit cards maxed out. He also just got laid off from his job and is having trouble finding another one. Since he didn't enroll in any credit protection plans offered by the credit cards his credit card bills are now late and have always tried to warn him to make those payments on time. He doesn't have a job and he has these huge payments because of the late fee and over the limit charges (one I saw was around $116 ). What advice can I give him, I mean I told him to call the credit card companies and ask if they could work with him or see what they can but I'm not sure if they do that or not. Anybody else have any advice I could give him?