but I cannot seem to leave her. She is an amazing person, and I'm not too shabby myself, but I think together we are bringing out the worst in each other. I don't want to be with her or talk to her ever again, but neither is strong enough to end it. Whenever I think about ending it, I get scared about facing the hardships that will follow after a separation, I mean we are physiologically attached now, and it will be like stopping an addiction. I know plenty of y'all have been through this before, but I just cannot bring myself to break her heart. For the first time in this relationship, I now find myself looking at other girls A LOT. I never did so before, but recently I am just not feeling it with her. I love her so much, but I dont think I can be with her anymore. Advice guys and gals? /EMO RANT!
don't be a b****. i see so many people in this same situation that stay with another person for seemingly no reason other than they are afraid to be alone. this is the type of **** that makes people miserable.
I feel for you. For many relationships, after a point, the relationship is already over, but both people still feel the need to stay in the relationship. The love is gone, and all that remains is animosity. That is how it was for my first relationship. Maybe it is just a way to mask our own insecurities?
To me, this is all the more reason to stop the relationship. You never want to have an "addiction", especially when it isn't a good one, and based off of what you say you aren't even that attracted to her anymore. You say she's an amazing person, but what's that worth when you're both "bringing out the worst in each other". Sounds like a bad relationship you're convincing yourself you need to be a part of.
If you don't have kids, shared bank accounts, splitting a mortgage or pets you should probably break it off. If you find yourself looking and thinking about other women all the time you're skirting with a situation where you end up cheating and then things really get bad. If you find you are bringing out the worst in each other while you're thinking about other people staying together for the sake of staying together is just going to lead to a worst break up. Having been there myself I know how you feel, the fear of being alone and whether you will ever find anyone else. Yeah that sucks but IMO whats worse is being with someone who you find you can't stand and then end up cheating.
Apply a liberal dose of the Mountain Goats: <object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/JPy_fiv3sAw&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/JPy_fiv3sAw&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object> No Children I hope that our few remaining friends Give up on trying to save us I hope we come up with a failsafe plot To piss off the dumb few that forgave us I hope the fences we mended Fall down beneath their own weight And I hope we hang on past the last exit I hope it's already too late And I hope the junkyard a few blocks from here Someday burns down And I hope the rising black smoke carries me far away And I never come back to this town Again in my life I hope I lie And tell everyone you were a good wife And I hope you die I hope we both die I hope I cut myself shaving tomorrow I hope it bleeds all day long Our friends say it's darkest before the sun rises We're pretty sure they're all wrong I hope it stays dark forever I hope the worst isn't over And I hope you blink before I do Yeah I hope I never get sober And I hope when you think of me years down the line You can't find one good thing to say And I'd hope that if I found the strength to walk out You'd stay the hell out of my way I am drowning There is no sign of land You are coming down with me Hand in unlovable hand And I hope you die I hope we both die
Break it off. You don't say how long you've been together though. Not that it's extremely relevant to your decision, but it does make the difference in whether it's a month or 3-4 years. Because you'll have a little more explaining to do if it's after a few years with the "why now? what'd I do?" line of questioning. I've only had one ex that did that line of questioning and I simply said that we weren't a good fit in a lot of different ways you could phrase it. Ignoring calls, ignoring text messages. It'll sting even if you're the one that the breakup ends up benefiting long term because it's human nature just to feel guilty about things like that. As others have said, if you have no kids... then you can't hesitate. Unless you are sharing bank accounts, credit cards, etc then the decision should be a little less messy.
In the title you say you really really hate her. But later on you say you love her? You mentioned how she is a great person and other reasons why you would love her. So what do you hate about her?
I've been with her for a year, no kids but came close. I cut it off a month ago when I found out she lied to me, but she begged me to come back and promised to change. She, i'm embarrassed and saddened to say, cut her wrists to get my attention. It worked, and I took her back. The thing that is killing the relationship right now is that I cannot trust her right now. I feel like it is my fault it is not working out, only because I cannot trust her easily anymore. It will take time for the trust to return. Right now, she is getting frustrated with me and even told me she hates me because I am always hounding her with questions. I never used to do that, but have been doing so a lot more because I don't trust her anymore. Right now, its at a point where we are only talking to let each other know we are still alive. It's a shell of what it used to be, but I guess there is a part of me that is hoping that it will return back the way it was. But honestly, I do not see it ever fixing out anymore, as I have lost confidence in her. But I love her enough to try to work it out, but now I am suffering from physical and psychological pains (chest pains, headaches, loss of sleep, MAJOR anxiety, some schizophrenia) because of the relationship. I dont think anyone is worth me jeopardizing my health. If something happens to me, she will move on, but my family will be screwed. These are the major factors affecting me right now.
If you have not told her the things about her that lead you to feel this way, then you should. If it is something that can be dealt with and salvaged, do it. If not...then it is time to move on. If you have not told her what is wrong, then she does not know what behaviors to avoid. Relationships are work, and these things will not fix themselves.
Yea she knows this. She has even told me "I dont blame you for being this way." But then she follows that with "EVERYONE has a limit to what they can take!"
The problem is that you have to separate yourself from the situation to properly assess it, or else you'll rationalize your way into compromising everything that's important to you. I like to use what I call 'The Resume Test.' Imagine you've never met this girl and someone slid you her resume across the table, with one picture and a brief run-down of what you could expect from her. Would you agree to put yourself through this? No. If you saw the lines "will give you physical and psychological pains (chest pains, headaches, loss of sleep, MAJOR anxiety, some schizophrenia) because of her deceitfulness" you would turn the relationship down. You just have to stick to that rational approach. Here's another way to think about it. If you read the paragraph I'm quoting, but it was posted by some other random poster on the bbs who you didn't know, what would you think? You'd say the guy should get the 'F' out right? Well, for everyone else reading this bbs, you're 'that guy' and we (pretty much) all think you should get the 'F' out. Don't be 'that guy.' It's REALLY hard, we've all been there. We don't like to believe that we'll be suckers and put ourselves through B.S. we shouldn't have to go through. But that's what you're doing right now. One more thing. YOU DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF TO HER. Just tell her the relationship doesn't make you happy. You don't want to read her a list of complaints, you don't care who's right or wrong, and you certainly DON'T want/have to justify yourself to her. Wish her the best of luck. And DON'T pick up the phone, read and email, or respond to a text when she tries to contact you.
