Counseling or move on, your wife does not deserve you constantly peering over the neighbors fence. DD
I'm waiting for you to blow up your marraige so you can seriously go after this other chick. The odds are good that when you do that, then tell her (the other chick) that you've left your wife, are crazy about her, and want to have an affair and see if it leads anywhere, that she'll look at you with astonishment, try not to laugh, and tell you that you're crazy. Be sure to post here and tell us how it goes.
Damn you and your memory Yeah I guess I need to clear the other chick out of the picture completely...then I can work this out a LOT more clearly. Its just that 'clearing her out' is so hard now that I have made the mistake of getting close to her.... I dont expect sympathy. Bebop - I respect your stance.
can I tell you something? ok, i will. look, buddy, ive been what you are going through. i loved my ex. she treated me right but she was a bit insane when it came time for her hormones to fluctuate through her bod. in all honesty, she was into different types of movies and music as me......i always thought i would end up with an artsy type of chick...but she was kind of the opposite...more into mainstream stuff but really beautiful. i mean, she loved me and all that...but man......i would be afraid to say the wrong thing to her sometimes because she would blow up.....i thought the same...damn, this girl has been through so much with me...she treats me right and all that stuff...but damn...she turned into a psycho a lot of times.....i would always fantasize about leaving her....thinking i would find a non-psycho girl and one into the same stuff into me...you know..a cute girl with glasses into art with an easy going personality....but then i realized...all girls are psychos in their own way.....to different degrees you feel me? anyway, i wanted my ex to understand certain things about music and movies and stuff like that...but she would feign interest....but i knew she didnt feel it in her heart..and that kinda irked me.....but the whole "well damn this girl treats me well and loves me and blah blah blah kept me from leaving her" Anyway, i finally got the testicles to leave her...it was hard.....she cried so much...she pleaded with me...she reasoned with me.....she called my parents....it was a freakin ordeal....but i stuck by my guns even fearing that she would stab me...but she didnt..........and it was hard...i miss her...i miss her presence..and her voice and all that....i miss her cooking..i miss her listening to me talk about my stupid problems...it feels weird bud...now im alone with no one...and those girls i fantasized about start talking about the same phobias that my ex did...start talking about the same mother issues...the same crap man....and i think....all girls are insane....it sounds like to me...you need to have a few years where u are alone to live the single life...to go to strips joints...to screw other women.....get it out of your system....in the meantime....i suggest you talk to your wife tomorrow...and tell her how you feel...she will cry...she will protest...it will break your heart...it will consume you to no end.....it will haunt your dreams...you will not sleep right for maybe two months....you will suffer....even though it is your own choosing.....you will remember her...you will ultimately regret your decision...you will think...i was happier with her....but soon..the pain will go away....and she will be a faded memory....you may even forget what she looks like....stop leading her on...you dont love her......simple.....kill it...before it kills you both.
Dude, that is some real talk right there. I appreciate it. I could relate to the break up part of what you said because 2 years ago I went through the same thing. Left her and then I guess started missing her about 8 months later. About the same time she decided she was ready to move on, I finally caved. And now we are back to another cross road. Here we gooo...
I will be honest...I did leave her twice before the third time being the finale...told her I wanted nothing to do with her....she called me the first time we broke it off....and her voice made me realize how much i missed her....we moved back...then maybe four weeks in....i ran off again.....its like a pull i cannot describe...i think you are preoccupied with the feeling of "what if"....what if i was single....no pressure..no responsibility...no worries about my actions affecting other folks....You do know that if you leave her..you will also be crushing her parents right? You will sit there wondering...."her parents must think I'm scum...they trusted me to take care of their daughter...and i just massacred her heart and feelings and possibly her soul!". And then you will see photos of you two....and you will think about all the moments you two laughed together...and you may muster out a tear or two. So the third time...i was as cold as a statue.......she took the break up like a champ...and finally realized i was a confused b*stard and was better off with my indecisive ass. So now....I feel like I let her down...I feel like all the promises I gave her...all the assurances I gave her when I told her I would take care of her forever....well....now I'm liar...and it kills me....But with time.....the feeling of being a traitor...will go away....right?
I guess it will man. As long as you are happy though? You will find that person you are looking for. Am sure of it. There are so many great ones out there. Her father died at Xmas time (sad) and her Mum is indescribably indescribable. So its more my parents, who have really taken her under their wing and treat her like one of their own, that i'd be more worried about. While I was away I caught up with them and told them we were going through some similar stuff to our first break up. Just wanted them to not be completely in the dark and caught off guard if something goes down.
Your parents will always support your decision I'm afraid....my parents loved her....I'm sure in their private moments my folks discuss amongst themselves "what the hell is wrong with him" but they tell me that they are happy as long as I am happy. I guess what I am saying...it doesn't matter what her mom thinks...or what your parents think....You are the one living your life...Your parents only had to deal with her in doses...you get the Full Monty...all day --everyday...If you left her before...you will do it again....the only hardship you will have to endure is the hardship of fooling yourself....You love her only because she has shown emotion for you..because of her eyes looking at you with love....even though you know in the deepest levels of your heart that you dont feel for her! Sure...you appreciate and feel obligated to give her your love...but you do it with hesitance...maybe not all days....Hell, some days you get home from work and you cant wait o hug and kiss her.....but when it matters....you are off in dream land....wondering a life without her...its not fair to her...or to yourself...
I have a thought to throw out there. When you hear girls talking about "the one" and "prince charming" and their "knight in shining armor", I bet you've scoffed at that thought lots of times. That's because it's IMO not reality. It's looking for a perfect person, and there are no perfect people. If you take, for a minute, the number of newly married people who consider their partner to be "the one" while neglecting that "the one" seems to routinely be in the same 500 mile radius, it really makes you wonder whether these people are really with "the one" or do they just believe they're with "the one". If you want to get away from someone because they don't share some of the interests or because they PMS hardcore - I'm not sure you're being fair. Judge the situation by what she CAN control, not by what she CAN'T control. Do you think your'e mr perfect? Don't you think she'd love to talk about high heels and lipstick with you? Switch the situation around. Say there was rugby on tv once a month, and you supported the worst team in the league. You become a real b**** to talk to after games. Would you want her to understand or would you want her to be unable to tolerate it? I think you'll find that the woman you're texting is far less interesting than you think. She may be a great person, but what's really so great about her? You realize that, if she feels the way you do about her, that's a major chink in her armor. Would you want her to be texting another dude with "intent" if you get into a relationship with her? But you don't see it right now because you need to get out of YOUR relationship, and the way to do it is establish this quasi-fantasy with another woman. Another world. Where you start comparing. Contrasting. But since you created this world, you'll play with the rules of this world. "If she cheats on her longtime partner, it's ok, because it's for a special reason." I suggest you have a talk with your wife before making any rash decisions. I'm sure you two will iron out some good outcomes. Then yo ucan both think about it. But having this who thing going on by yourself, while she has little to no clue what's going on in your head, that's not fair. I think you may very well be struggling with committment - you're looking for things to own because you're struggling with sharing a life, a kitchen, a bedroom, thoughts, feelings, etc. The new woman is your thing. The new life is your thing. Your interests are your thing. I wouldn't call it selfish. We all go through times of "what about me" and that's natural. But I suggest that you don't forget that your wife is in this as well and, if nothing else, you have to be thinking "what about her" as well.
Sounds like your going through some shat bro....a lot of us have with women as well. Some have said to talk to her about it. Go direct and be upfront and honest. I agree but FIRST......please take a step back....forget the other chick....and focus on you and her. You need to get your thoughts and feeling in order before the talk. If you don't, you'll rely on emotions of the situation/uncertain future more than the personal emotions of how you feel about/with her. Get me? I went through massive issues with my first wife and I had to step away and find what I felt. It will make the 'Talk' true. She deserves it as well as you do. Best of luck man. Shat is crazy sometimes, but whatever happens......you and her will survive. It sucks.....but keep the head up man.
I'm kind of living the same situation, except that I wasn't married but just in a relationship. And I had this major crush on a woman that SEEMED perfect. Beautiful girl, extremely smart, caring, everything. And while I was with my ex, she would be chasing me, and I thought hey I might have a shot here. So I dumped the ex, and went all in for the beauty. Quickly did I realize that she wasn't as amazing as I had imagined, and sometimes I kind of was disappointed. We've been dating but aren't together, and I doubt we will, because I think that what she treasured about me was that I was untouchable (aka in a relationship) and women/men want stuff that you are NOT aloud or CAN'T get (aka you like a woman but can't cheat on your wife). IMO, be really sure 100% that if you dump your wife you can get the other girl, because its a HUGE gamble. I was 80% sure I had that other girl once I dumped my girlfriend, but I was wrong, and know i'm left with nothing (well not exactly, I cooked the things up in order that if I don't get the girl I can go back to my ex who would welcome me back arms open). The point i'm trying to come across is think, think, think, think and be sure. Because contrary to me, your married, and a divorce is the shiznetz...
Get the hell out while you can. Once you have kids you are connected to her for good. It does not get better. If she is like this now she will be 10 times worse when she has kids. My first wife was like what you discribed and I found my self hating to see her walk through the door. My 2nd and current wife and I have been married for almost 7 years. Not always perfect and there have been some tough times but to this day I still love for watching her walk thru the door and I never wake up wondering what kind of psyco trip she is going to be on today.
