I read that as with another guy at first. Other guy makes much more sense. I've always been faithful. If I want to sleep with someone else, I just involve my wife, and have a little 3-way.
I guarantee that her and the dude did the deed alot more than once if you were out of town.... I dont care what she tries to say.
This is the wisest post possibly EVER on this BBS.....heed this advice, Trini.....she cheated, not you......it has NOTHING to do with you. If she tries to shift the blame about lack of attention or some such, it is all hogwash, because she CHOSE to sleep with that guy, and not once, but twice. Then, knowing that you would be hurt, she tells you.....dude, that is NOT the kind of girl you want to raise a family with..... Leaving her will make you a better person, and it will force her to be a better person too.. Get it over with now, let the pain hit, and move on as quickly as possible.......you do not need to drag out the inevitable, it will not work. DD
I would NEVER cheat with a friends girl, or wife. Even after they broke up that woman is completely off limits. Friendships are too dear and important to waste on a one night stand...it is just not worth it. DD
Women usually don't cheat with strangers so in these situations the bro code was violated. Statistically someone here has violated the bro code.
Yeah, if you leave her now with your dignity in tact, you will be that "guy who got away". Who knows? In the distant future if you do meet again, she will desire to cheat on her then boyfriend with you....
Wow....giddyup's story is pretty similar to mine. My wife cheated early in our marriage, saying she wasn't getting the attention she needed. After a few months separated, I took her back because of the kid. Fast forward to year 14 of the marriage, add another kid and another affair. In my opinion, she (maybe all cheaters) are basically shopping for a better situation. They may take a break, but I think they mostly feel there is something better out there for them and will jump on it when they find it. I'm not sure that with age comes maturity for these types, but I do know that with age comes wrinkles, gravity, etc. and the likelihood of improving their situation again diminishes. And THAT is when they finally "find their true love". I will say that despite the kids, I rarely ever speak to my ex, who I spent 14 years of my life with. I'm still single and I can honestly say that I have no (fond) feelings for her and do not miss her in the slightest. Besides, now I can finally hear the Rockets game I'm watching and don't have to answer the "Are you listening to me?" and "What did I just say?" questions. Or be told about some crappy obligation that "Don't you remember? I told you during the Rockets game."
Sexually satisfied women are less likely to cheat. Whenever i've been w/a woman who was attached to someone else, she would inevitably mention the sexual failure(s) of their significant other. My first retort is always "Why don't you mention it to him?" usually followed by a lot of stuttering on their part.
I was in a situation once where there were two disputing parties (me being one of them) that wanted to work things out (not a man-woman relationship...family issue) and the psychiatrist basically put a lot of blame at the other parties feet (not directly, obviously, but through the questioning, the working through of issues) and they did the same thing - that psychiatrist sucks (they picked him), let's fire him, you're wrong, etc. multiple years later the relationship is mended, but it's definitely a strange situation to be in. giddyup, you sound like you've been through a lot...sorry things took so long to work out for you. personally, I would never tolerate cheating. never. end of story. there's a reason it's called cheating.
Ok... I admit it. I've done it. I've been the guy sleeping with another guys girlfriend. Sorry, but it has happened with the same girl. She ultimately cheated on 5 different guys with me. Ugh. I'm also guilty of having a one night stand with someone I didn't know, who happend to be married. Even my wife cheated on someone with me, though I had never met the guy. I'm sorry. Sorry to all of you men. Forgive me please.
You'd make a bad person to vent with, it's the last 8 years of the dude's life, show a little compassion.
I agree with everyone else. Get the hell out of there. Once that trust is broken it's hard to get mended. And the likelihood she will change is really nil. Some time down the line she will be unhappy for one made up reason or another and will use that as justification to do it again. Run away, my friend. I wish you the best.
He clearly needs to read the whole thread and see the admitted sleeping with the guy that made a pass at her before, that she shouldn't have even been talking to at all.
OK here's a little bit more to the story. The day that she told me about it, she made it seem as though it was a 'deer trap in the headlights' sort of thing. What I mean is, she was just sort of overwhelmed when it started happening and things progressed. Now she wasn't trying to say she was innocent or anything like that but it was more like yes curiosity was there and she didn't have the courage to say no. She told me she felt nothing. And that it started at the USA - T&T football (soccer) match, which was around mid October or so. When I say started I mean that things started to head down a more than friendship road. She said all the physical stuff happened when I wasn't here (I was in the US for three weeks around Thanksgiving) and that when she was talking to him that night, she was trying to end it. That's first account of how things played out. So yesterday I packed up a bag of all the things she has by me and I was going to drop it off at her house. Now both of us are still in school expecting to graduate next semester. We both still live at home with our parents. And although she's turning 23 next month everyone views her as still a little girl and not an adult. So part of my plan yesterday was to tell her mom what she did because I know she doesn't want anyone looking at her in that way. As I said before her parents though she was a virgin and every time they ask she would lie about her ever having sex. To be honest, I went along with it because I didn't know if her parents saw her as mature enough to have a sex life and might have not approved and try to come between us. So I was on a vengeful mission to tell her mom what her sweet little daughter has been up to (dad kinda scares the sh#t out of me). I get there and her mom isn't home and she tries to sit me down to talk to me. I decided to listen. She had given me a letter that morning so she asked me about it. I told that there's nothing new in the letter. All it had was I'm sorrys and she's the same person I fell in love with and that she knows she doesn't want anybody else. I told her what my hangups were about her version of the story. Namely one, if it wasn't good the first time why go back for seconds, and two, that I believed the only reason why things stopped was because she got caught and not because she finally decided to come clean. So now she proceeded to give me a different version of how stuff played out. Basically, more feelings were there that she was letting on to. At first she was making it seem like it was mostly him in the feeling department. Now she was saying that she did have feelings for him so it wasn't just some random guy. She also said that the sex wasn't bad as she was saying before, it was just OK, nothing compared to us. She still maintained that she was thinking about telling me but was torn about it and that it all started at the football match. She was also saying she's convinced now that she didn't want anybody else. She tested the waters and she knows for a fact it's me she wants. She also said that when I wasn't there she was moving as though she didn't have a boyfriend, in that they made out a lot and stuff prior to have sex with him. After I heard enough I left and began feeling really down. I guess seeing her kinda made me miss what we had. Because although all this happened what we had was real good. We were best friends and had a real good relationship and shared some really good times. When I got back home I got to thinking and I started to realize that there might be a slim chance that I was willing to take her back. This was a big deal for me because I was like Rocket River I wasn't willing to accept being cheated on, simple as that. But I wouldn't take her back now of course, but probably months, years down the road. In part, it had to do with my mom who was basically saying don't right her off completely and think about it. That was completely opposite to what my bro and y'all were telling me so it had me thinking. You know, a different perspective, a woman's perspective. So last night, her best friend texted me as I said, and asked if she could speak to me. I was curious as to what she had to say and she is my friend as well. She also knows my ex longer than anybody. She comes on the phone and doesn't say much. She was just talking as a friend and kinda finding out how I was doing and what I was thinking about the whole thing. But she seemed just as confused as I was. This wasn't the [ex's name here] that we know. But she made me realize that since things are not adding up, there's more to the story. This has been the case so far. Then I started to get that gut feeling that there was more. I still had three hangups. One, it didn't seem as though it started at the match. Things couldn't have happened that fast Two, if the sex was OK then why was she so convinced that she had quelled her curiosity. That didn't make sense. If it was bad I could understand but not if it was alright. And three, I still believed the only reason why things came out was because she got caught and she wasn't trying to break things off. So the best friend was trying to convince me to talk to her to get the whole truth if I believed things are not adding up. I know now it is because she knew the complete story. So last night my ex called to give me the full run down. Apparantly, it started before the football match at a club. It was sometime in August and both of us went out. The dude was there but I didn't know him at the time but I knew of him since they were friends. I didn't meet him that night. Sometime during that night she went missing for a while. When she came back she said that she was in the bathroom trying to catch herself because she had been drinking. What really happened was that she was drunk and saw the dude and the made out. She doesn't remember who initiated it and all that but she does know it happened. Then at another party while I was off talking to one of my boys she was being flirty with him. Again she was drunk and that's the first night I met him. Both of these were before the match. Then she told me that she didn't go there the first time expecting to have sex with him. She said he asked her to hang out and she said yes. When she got there the dudes partner left then she realized what was going on. But she was interested and she didn't want to disappoint him. Now she told me that it wasn't just OK it was good, that's why she went back. She also told me she like him a lot, almost to the brink of love. I asked her if she was ever thinking it was a choice between me and him and she said no. So I asked her what were you expecting to get out of it and she said it was just a lot of emotions and feelings and it got the better of her. I asked her if she really had any intention of breaking it off and she said she was torn about it all the time but it's almost a certainty it would have continued for a while. And here's the reason why she's convinced that she doesn't want anyone else. I made her realize she got burnt. When she was saying that they had to break it off, he didn't care. When she asked him hypothetically, if they could have anything together he said no. And he told that he doesn't commit fully to relationships and stuff. And (which I think is the worst) he is getting back together with his gf and is not willing to cheat on his gf with my ex. So basically his relationship is important and ours wasn't. At this point, she was still convinced he cared for her. So I asked how is she so sure. Why can't it be you got close to him, realized he had a chance and played you to get in your pants? That's when it hit home for her. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sorry for this one being so long. I didn't want y'all to go through the cliffhangers.
So basically she wants to stay with you because the dude she cheated with doesn't want her anymore. Wow, I know that's what I'd want to get back with. Nothing like coming in second place (no pun intended). I bet you feel real good knowing that after 7-8 years that you get to be the runner up. I say all of this because all of your posts read like you want to try and make it work. From my experience, it's a terrible idea.
He just has to get to that point where he cuts off their relationship completely. Hard to not want to see someone you love. Please just don't feel sorry for her, women are great at drawing you back into their lives by doing this.
