Take advantage of her offer to "do anything" and then use her for your deepest darkest most depraved fantasy. Maybe call up a few buddies. Then dump her.
I dated a girl for almost 5 years when I was 19-24 (31 and married now) and it took me a couple of years to completely get over her (though she didn't cheat) The really bad part only lasted a month or two, then every day things got easier and I really enjoyed being single and hanging out with other women. Ended up meeting my wife about 4 years later and have never been happier The point is that it's going to be rough for a while, but everything happens for a reason and things will get better.
this is the Truth Trini. You can have someone w/complete Trust & all the poetry & prose; just not her.
Trini My heart goes out to you brother I agree with Droxford I think you should run and not walk away from this and for all the females basically defending her. . .well I cannot do it. . . If you go back to her you are far far better than I you was out of town when it happen? Do ya'll live together? Think about this. . . did she bone him IN YOUR BED cause to me . .that is disrespect on top of disrespect Cheating is the one thing I cannot forgive. . . . ever It may leave me a old lonely bachelor. . but i cannot do it The hint of cheating is enough for me to protect my neck . .er heart Maybe I am a coward but I won't be a fool Rocket River . . .if ever we meet. . . drinks are on me
*bingo* which is the scary part but I have trust issues Dude 7 years . . . 7 YEARS . . . SEVEN YEARS man . . I am 36 .. my longest relationship was 5 years and we just drifted apart which was much much softer than this ***** you been through I would probably be more homicidal than anything I'd want to hit something. . hard. .. repeatedly so Join a Boxing gym or something My heart has a turn off switch and she would have hit it At this point She would have went from the love of my like. . .to a peice of *ss Since I try not to be that type of guy . . . i would have to leave her be cause If I stay . .. i doubt I would be nice esp not the NICE I WAS FOR 7 F**KING YEARS! Rocket River
Warning: Older female perspective. You two need to experience more life before settling down. It is probably going to be a good thing this happened now (I know it is hard and this doesn't sound very sympathetic- but I am). Because this was bound to happen sooner or later. Both of you are going to go thru major changes in what you want out of like over the next several years. Maybe you will be able to get back together somewhere down the line, but now is the time to date other people and find out what you like/don't like.
man . . I think I am too deep a Conspiracy theorist Cause I am thinking either 1. Friend will make a move on you . . be your 'insider' into what she doing in order to maybe get next to you She won't call ole girl an out and out skank . . . may in fact will try weakly defend her Friend might have been digging you for a minute or Friend might want to help you get even or Friend might wanna show u anyone can make a mistake so you can forgive her [she would really be TAKING ONE FOR THE TEAM ] Rocket River maybe I am too paranoid and seen too many movies
I have been with the same girl since I was 14, never been with another woman. Ever. I just turned 30. I couldn't be happier.....it works for some people.
i agree.. this whole "you have to experience more life, expose yourself to what's out there, before settling down" doesn't and shouldn't apply to everyone.. it's not the end-all-be-all path to happiness in relationships.. I'd say it's more appropriate for those who just go through their lives never really knowing what they really want... or what will make them happy.. in, and from, a lasting relationship with another person..
I disagree about getting out of the game. I DO think you should tell her to hang on and NOT test the waters. It gives you every opportunity to make her wait and then say "Nah, don't think so" and you deserve to have that opportunity, no matter what kind of mental distress it costs her. She said she'd do anything, so let's see her do anything. You should get back into dating immediately. You're 23 years old and you need to identify with other people NOW because you've been out of the game for 7 years. You didn't do anything wrong and what happened doesn't change who you are. You seem to be a logical guy, so take a short breather and move on. For some it will take years and for others months. Some will accuse others of being over dramatic and the rest will be accused of being cold. You need to find what suits YOU and forget what everyone else says.
Your story is good to hear. Trini, I feel for you brotha. Take heart man, in due time you'll feel better. Take the advice of these guys and gals on BBS because everything is absolute true talk and will serve you well in the future. (You are also a master story teller my friend). I feel terrible reading this story as I've been "The other guy" in such a situation and I felt terrible about it ever since then. PS. BBS should stay tuned, My relationship story is coming soon, if you want a refresher go back to the Superbowl/GF thread. Things took a dive really badly this year.
Women are like cars. I know you loved your first car but that things a raggedy old bucket now. She's no longer reliable and you can't trust her without her giving you hardships and heart ache. It's time to pick a newer, hotter, car that drives better. But before you do so make sure your test drive a lot now that your in the market. AKA **** EVERYTHING and ANYTHING you can. Happy hunting.
Ask yourself one thing. Would she have ended the affair or whatever she had going on with that guy if you had not caught her and confronted her? And if she would have ended it, then how long would it have taken her to realize what she "realizes now"? How long before she came to her senses and stopped the deception?
Just keep your head up man thats all I can say. I was cheated on before so I know how you feel its the worse pain in the world and theres nothing you can do about it.
I'm in no position to give relationship advice, and I have never been in any position remotely close to the one you're currently in, but I would like to suggest 1 thing: don't cave in to the social cliche that you're "heart broken" after this happened to you.. don't just have the mindset that "oh em gee, I got cheated on, I should feel a crapload of pain, my life sucks etc..." . that's one of the most prevalent mistakes someone in your position makes.. IMO, think of how gigantic of a b!tch she is.. and don't think of the past 7 years as "wasted", think of em as a period of time where you had a consistently reliable place to "stick your big boy in", if you know what I mean .. I know it's wrong, but just objectify her, reduce your entire "relationship" to its sexual component, it'll make you feel like you didn't lose anything and to the contrary, you were just taking advantage of this slut and having a crapload of fun.. don't get on me for having effed up thoughts, but a guy can be horribly depressed if he doesn't find a way to cope with a situation like the OP's, and IMO, the mindset I suggested above would work the best..
I "experienced" this more than 30 years ago. Met a charming young woman at school. Quickly fell in love. By Thanksgiving we are planning to marry. She goes home for Thanksgiving. Goes out with her sister and her sister's boyfriend and some other guy. Ends up in bed with the boyfriend's friend. I find out about it in Feb-Mar after she had come to Houston to meet my family in December. We "processed" it for a long time-- don't remember the details except for the hurt. Somehow we worked through it, but in retrospect things were not right. I don't think I ever really trusted her completely after that... and I don't think she was really committed to being married, but she was too young to stop things from moving ahead. We are married for seven years-- certainly not a great marriage but not a horrible one either. Just frustrating and uneven. Then we have two kids and in year 12 of our relationship she cheats on me again with a friend of ours. This relationship lasts for about six months before I discover it (I found love notes in her sock drawer while putting away laundry). Big confrontation that lasted through the entire night. At 7AM our 2- and 4-YO awake. Talk about a tough day. Because of our kids I'm going to work this out. Less than a week later her lover (who doesn't know that I know) calls the next day with a friendly invite for her to go to a concert (not an unusual thing-- just adult friends). Get this: she wants to go... I say "Fine. Go" .... just realize that your clothes and other personal belongings will be in a suitcase on the front porch when you come home. She screams at me that I don't have a right to pick her friends for her. I tell her she's right... and that my domain is over her lovers. She doesn't go to the concert. We stay together for about another year and a half. We go to counseling. She fires our counselor when the constructive attention is focused on her instead of on me. See, she thinks it is all my fault. I do think I could have been a better husband but give me 15% of the blame. She deserves the rest. I apologize for the rambling but even 30 years later it is cathartic to detail this so my advice is... RUN, RUN, RUN Frankly, I have a hard time saying that in light of the two remarkable human beings that we produced. I'd go through all the heartache and disappointment again just for that but you don't have to.....
