My opinion is no matter how much it hurts...break it off. At a minimum, if you can't break it off completely...then tell her you'll need a break so you can get things figured out (with the insinuation that might still be over). During the break, you might want to explore other relationships to see if you can find someone who won't lie to you several times over and over with a straight face. She lied initially and kept on lying...even when she was supposedly coming clean. How could she do that to you? Then, all of a sudden you find out and she hadn't even broken it off then! How long was it going to go on...till she got busted that is how long. You got played! If you can't come to break it off, then sleep with somebody twice while your back together with her and be sure she knows about it. Let her get a taste of her own medicine. If she can get past it, then maybe you both can move on at that time. So much for being highschool sweethearts. Sweetheart she is not. She really cares about you dude...enough to lie to you over and over...and keep on lying to you up until the very end and keep it going the whole time. She didn't seem to stop and consider how you would feel once it all came out. If she would have done it once, broke it off, and come clean with you about it...then it would be different because at least she owned up. She didn't own up until your little investigation busted her sideways.
Props to you for telling her it's over. And screw her for thinking she can freaking rip your heart out and later try to mend things. Now, let's focus on the short term: 1. Watch Swingers 2. Go out with your boys and chase tail 3. Go find a sloot and nail her
To be honest, I don't think that's the only reason she wants to stay with me. She knows how good she had it and doesn't want to throw it away. Plus, she has all her friends telling her how much of a good guy I am. But she is disgusted with herself. She never thought she could do something like this. I was her first and she was mine and we were the model couple for all our friends. It was expected that we would stay together. I wasn't around when it happened. I think it was a moment of weakness. The dude was trying to get her and her being naive didn't set the boundaries and developed feelings for him. And she was selfish and didn't study the relationship or my feelings. As a poster said earlier, we are young and are probably at that age where we start wondering what if? Remember, we've been together since we were 15. So we are all each other knows. I don't think they'll end up together. He hurt her as well. He feels as though she f*@ked him over by trying to make him take all the blame. So when she told him she was goin to tell me what really happened, he didn't even care and didn't care that she wanted to cut all ties with him. I think that made her realize he was only out for himself and nobody would care for her the way I do. I know but this is easier said than done. As I said before, we were the model couple so I'm expecting to hear from her friends. And both our mothers are seeing it as a mistake and something that can be overcome. You don't need to tell me he is a bad guy, I know that. Nobody put a gun to his head. To her credit, she told me knowing full well what would happen and did it anyway. Even though everyone is telling her she should not have said anything and just keep that skeleton in her closet. For her to even say anything to her mom was a big deal because everyone saw her as the innocent one and thought she was a virgin. Also, she claims when they were talking that night she was trying to break ties with him. And I know I need to get tested. They didn't use protection and we have already fooled around since I have been back. That hurt too. Because she did that knowing she was putting me in danger.
Cheating is knowingly doing something to betray the other person's trust....whether it's talking to someone in a more-than-friends manner, texting, calling, sex, etc. depends on the people in the relationship, and the level of trust they have with each other.
High School sweethearts tend to end up like this. She clearly likes this other guy and if she lies about it twice before, she will keep on lying about it. Sorry, I know how much heartbreak hurts. If you don't have to see her, then don't. If you try to be friends or work things out, chances are you will just get yourself hurt again.
Sick man... That is the worst, dude I couldn't imagine someone cheating on me and then begging to come back. That is the ultimate worst. I don't know the details about her, whether she is really hot, intelligent, great to get along with, but whatever kept you with her for 7 years must be really good. Dude I would have kicked that dudes ass and embarassed her, but theres something about the way you have approached the situation that makes her feel so much worst about what she did. As for the dude who said they will be together and think about it for 5 minutes, and forget... I don't think so, yeah she can sleep with him again, but I am more than sure that he will not replace the time she spent with "T-Rocket". Those are memories 7 years of them and you can't remove that from your mind. Wow, I really can't believe that you're going through this man, and I am here thinking that I have it the worst in my relationship because I can't stand her sometimes, or she gets pissed over anything. This is really an eye-opener to any guy who is questioning his relationship, put yourself in his situation and then re-think what you have. I know I will.
I have a question to all the ladies and dudes who have been through a break up that is very difficult. How can you effectively not hink of someone and live your life as you did before meeting that person? Especially if you have known them for more than 2 years? Any advice? I am sure this will help everyone including Trini
Dude, I'm speaking from experience here, but you need to stop making excuses for here. By saying she is/was niave, is saying she was just a helpless fawn who couldn't think straight or was too stupid to know better. I was telling myself the same thing at the beginning of my ordeal. I kept saying, "He is a player who said all the right things to woman who was going through a rut in her marriage." Please, your girl knew full well what was happening. IF this came from being young and niave, she wouldn't have gone back for seconds (and probably more). Even before they slept with each other, she knew she was putting herself in a compromising position. And, IF by chance you are thinking of staying with her based on her "confession", remember ACTIONS speak louder than words. My ex-wife confessed everything to me at one point and talked about how she loves me and our family (we have a son). Then, as soon as I told her the other dude could never be in her life again in ANY capacity, she bolted. You girl confessed but that doesn't mean it's over between them. An affair is like a drug-addiction. She can't help but to go back to him unless he's already broke it off himself. Which, he hasn't because he's a lower than dirt piece of crap and wants the "play" of someone else's girl. Bottom line, go with others have told you here already - tell her to have a nice life, tell her that she blew it and have NO CONTACT with her again. Then, do things for yourself for a while and remember you don't NEED her or anyone else in your life to be happy. As soon as you come to a real peace with that, you'll meet a truly great woman that you do deserve.
Question...how are you going to handle it next time you run into this douchebag who bagged your gal? Just wondering.
Probably, but this is what makes me think it was just a very very very bad lapse in judgment. She is in a mess so I know she cares, about me and the relationship, but I don't think I could forgive her. That's what I was saying. She knows what she is throwing away. Besides the actual relationship and all the good times we had, her friends keep telling her how much of a good guy I am. As I said in the OP, this is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I felt as though she was my soul mate. I now see why people use the phrase "rip my heart out" because that's exactly how it feels.
Trini, I agree with everyone else here: Its tough emotionally, but you NEED to cut ALL ties and move on for yourown emotional well-being. Like I posted earlier, a relationship is built on trust, and she destroyed that and your heart in the process. Move on and NEVER look back. The Best News: You live in TEXAS, home to the prettiest women in this nation. And you're only 23!
Trini I am sorry to hear your story because I know from experience it hurts. Especially when for me, the girl involved was my closest friend. Thankfully I hadn't invested so many years in the guy that did it to me. It's going to be really really tough to cut her out of your life completely, but distance and time is the only thing that will help. What may be more difficult for you is friends... if you went to high school together I would imagine most of your friends are the same as hers. You need to set rules with all of them and her family (because it sounds like you are close to them as well) and stick to them. None of that "accidentally" throwing you into situations with her. Good luck and call the guys to go to a Rockets game or three and just try to enjoy every moment to the fullest and put her behind you.
The two of you were never really given the chance to experience relationships with other people, or have sex with anyone else. It is very hard to be with only one person your entire lives. Very few people can do it, and with odds like that, two usually don't end up finding each other. Dating other people is a really good idea for you and her, and forget about each other for a while. If your paths cross later on in life and you are both single, it might be worth giving it another try now that you have both experienced new things. Just my 2 cents though. I'm your age, so don't think I have a wealth of experience. I have been cheated on, had my heartbroken by someone that I love though, and it took me a couple of years to get over her, but now I'm recently married to someone else and happy as ever.
Thanks for the advice. She broke off ties with him or at least so she says. We'll see in due time. With regards to her being naive and all that, I will admit that I'm probably making too many excuses. But what if she does break off all ties with him? What does that say? Isn't it possible for it just to be a mistake? And she isn't really that type of person?
A "mistake" is forgetting your wallet in the morning or missing your exit on the freeway. Sleeping with a guy twice and then lying to you about it is NOT a "mistake".... She slept with this dude and now feels bad about it (even though she wants to sleep with him again and probably will eventually if she hasn't already....) so now she's trying to "make up" with you so that she won't feel like such a slut. Declaring it as "just a mistake" and getting back together with you gets her off the hook. That's it. If she can just get back together with you, she can get away with getting a little action on the side, yet not be considered a bad person. After all, it was just a mistake and you took her back, so it couldn't have been that big a deal, right? She can have her cake and eat it too. This has nothing to do with her wanting to get back with you because you're such a great guy (which I'm sure you are), this is about her trying to convince herself (and her friends.....) that she's not the type of person to sleep around - even though she is. In a sense, she is using you.
I win the pot. I had "slept with the dude twice." Who had "slept with the dude"? Let's call it 67%-33%. I can split the winnings. Trini: Keep your head up, Soca Warrior.
