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I F'ed up probably the best thing that has ever happened to me

Discussion in 'BBS Hangout' started by HOOP-T, May 28, 2003.

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  1. MadMax

    MadMax Member

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    there's a joke out there about what the wood represents, but i'm certainly not going to be the one to say it.
     
  2. HOOP-T

    HOOP-T Member

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    Ahhh.....

    This is a good thought provoking post. Let me outline some more details:

    This is not at all about the floor, the glasses, whatever. It has nothing to do with it, actually. Originally, I was merely curious if I had another dent in my floor to repair or "cover up." The question I asked her was only to get that info. She felt insulted, that I should have known that she'd tell me if it had dented the floor. Valid point I think, but I didn't find this out until later. The part that gave me fits was that she came to me over an hour later, or thereabouts, and asked me, "Are you still irritated about the floor thing?" I said no, that I was irritated that she would not answer me, and that she patronized me about it.

    Then the good part..........she told me she deliberately was NOT going to answer the question now, because it was in fact irritating me. !?!?!?!? OK..............having said that...........

    Yes, alcohol was being consumed. I fully admit that it had something to do with what I said to her. And she fully admits that her sarcasm and patronizing was also due to that.

    We talked about the mutual respect thing. We recently made some rules for "fighting" as well.

    1. Never go to bed mad.
    2. If things are getting tough, take an agreed upon timeout, usually 15-20 min. to cool off, and call back at the agreed time.
    3. Never talk a disagreement out when we've been drinking.

    Number 3 was the key here, and we didn't follow it.

    We just had lunch, and all is slightly better. We both apologized and we both realize we love each other far and away more than we've ever loved before, and we both agreed to get into a few counseling sessions to get some better communication tools.
     
  3. HOOP-T

    HOOP-T Member

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    The glasses didn't break.....neither of the them.

    Thank you, drive through.
     
  4. Surfguy

    Surfguy Member

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    Haha...the glasses didn't have to break...glass is fragile by definition. Plastic is not so fragile. I didn't mean it literally...only as symbolism. Even you have to admit your relationship has some fragile spots which you'll need to work on as you pretty much stated in your need for counseling. I'm glad your working it out.
     
  5. HOOP-T

    HOOP-T Member

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    I know...I was just ribbing you.

    Thanks for the input.
     
  6. HOOP-T

    HOOP-T Member

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    It was hardly rage. I haven't gotten raging mad since the war. ;)
     
  7. Mrs. Valdez

    Mrs. Valdez Member

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    What do you do when you are raging mad?

    Seriously, it is encourging that you are planning to try some counseling sessions. The counselors I know have a wealth of good advice for people who are going into marriage - as long as they're interested in hearing it.
     
  8. TheHorns

    TheHorns Member

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    Was there alcohol involved?
     
  9. Rocketman95

    Rocketman95 Hangout Boy

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    Great news HOOP-T. I pray that it all works out for you and your girlfriend.
     
  10. Mrs. JB

    Mrs. JB Member

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    I'm glad to hear things are better. I'm also glad to hear about the counseling. Mr. JB and I have gone for counseling at various points in our relationship, and it has been helpful.

    A lot of times people in relationships get stuck in these weird patterns that we don't even notice. It's like having the same fight a thousand different ways. It helps to have an impartial observer who can point it out and ask "why are you doing that over and over?"

    As a stop-gap measure before counseling you might want to check out Dr. Phil's "Relationship Rescue" book. I know some people think he's hokey since he's on television, but he's actually a pretty no-nonsense cognitive-behavioral therapist. His book has a lot of the strategies and exercises a relationship counselor would probably have you do anyway, so it could just give you a head start on it. Again, best of luck to you both.
     
  11. DaDakota

    DaDakota Balance wins
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    Hoop T,

    Good luck with the counciling, it sounds like you guys need it.

    Hopefully things will work out, but man, she has you by the short hairs.

    In the immortal words of George Castanza " You don't have hand"

    Next time she acts like a little brat, make her come to you.....I had a girl who used to do this, and I finally let her go, she came crawling back, and I was over her....

    You don't need games in a serious relationship, love is too important and the sex is better.

    :)

    DD
     
  12. MoBalls

    MoBalls Member

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    Hope the counseling works for the both of you....If not I guess we will see you two on the Jerry Springer Show;)....My wife has a Dr. Phil book and enjoys reading it, she just better not drop it on my hardwood floors....
     
  13. HOOP-T

    HOOP-T Member

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    Interestingly enough, I have the book. My last girlfriend left it at my house, and I tried to sell it at my garage sale Saturday.

    :D

    Perhaps it didn't sell for a reason!!!
     
  14. Rocketman95

    Rocketman95 Hangout Boy

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    I bought that book too after RM95's Girl and I split up. It was the only one that sounded decent that I skimmed through. Too bad I didn't get to use it. :(
     
  15. Fatty FatBastard

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    Wow. I'm not an expert on relationships, but...

    Y'all have been very serious about getting married. Already picked out the ring.

    The two of you get into a squabble on Monday that makes her leave. (and take her items from what I gathered.)

    You call her later that night and it appears worked out.

    You talk to her on Tuesday, and she says it's over.

    She tells you not to come over, but you do anyway. Upon noticing she is not there, you leave a card and some flowers.

    Y'all have lunch on Wednesday and decide everything is back to normal.

    Has she been married before? It doesn't really matter, but a lot of women in their 30's have LOTS of stress over getting married. (ie. they've never been married, so this is something they've probably flaked out on before, or they have been married before, and are extremely freaked out they will get hurt again,) In either case, they will put barriers up that make it to where they will subconciously start destroying their relationship when it gets to their definition of the "point of no return."

    In my opinion, this is what it sounds like to me. My suggestion is to try and seek counseling, and quick.

    Unfortunately, it is up to the woman to decide if she is really ready to get over that hump. And although a lot of women conciously want to change, sometimes the subconcious about being hurt again is too strong, and they will eventually leave again.

    My advice to you is the next time she decides to leave, DO NOT get angry. Explain that she knows how you feel about her and that you want her to stay. However, if she feels the need to leave, then sobeit. Tell her that she needs to figure out what she really wants, and when she is ready, to call you.

    At least then, hopefully, she might then figure out whether she is ready to move to that next level.

    The sad part is, that there will inevitably be a "next time", simply because this recent split up wasn't long enough for either of you to rationalize why it exactly happened.

    I hope this helps.
     
  16. HOOP-T

    HOOP-T Member

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    Hey all,

    Thanks for all the insight and advice. It's strange, and I know that some of you are basing an opinion of my girlie on this one incident, but believe me, I have an equal hand in a lot of the issues.

    She really is a great person, and when things are good, they are nothing short of perfect. We just have entered a new area in life, merging lifestyles, etc. upon embarking on this marriage thing, and are having a tough time handling it. In fact, we are very bad at it.

    Now if I could just get an appt. with a counselor. Sheesh!!!!
     
  17. HOOP-T

    HOOP-T Member

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    Well, yes, the first part of your statement is true. But she did not take her things, only her PJ's that she had brought over to stay at my house.

    We have not yet decided that everything is ok. Actually, we both know it is not. But that fact that we are both willing to seek counseling and keep the relationship alive (which is great, sans the 4 bad fights), is going to help me sleep at night.

    Ultimately, I believe it will work out. And there will most certainly not be a next time like Monday. I am 100% confident that I will never yell at her to get out of my house, or anything of the like, again.

    Unfortunately, everything between she and I is so much more intense than I have ever experienced. But that also means that the bad things can be more intense.
     
  18. Surfguy

    Surfguy Member

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    Don't forget about the make-up sex. ;)
     
  19. Dr of Dunk

    Dr of Dunk Clutch Crew

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    Amen!
     
  20. gr8-1

    gr8-1 Member

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    Oh the drama. :rolleyes:

    You know that she will come back, if not, it wasn't meant to be. both of you seem to like to play games.

    You already know she'll come back. :rolleyes:
     

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