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I didn't put my bro-in-law on my hockey team, what should I say?

Discussion in 'Other Sports' started by 3814, Mar 14, 2011.

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  1. 3814

    3814 Contributing Member

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    I'm looking for some advice. I've been asked to organize an ice hockey team for an upcoming out-of-town tournament in April. I run a men's drop-in group every Wednesday night and I've decided to take the best 18 skaters from the group to play in the tournament.

    The only problem is that I had to turn down two of my best friends, one that also happens to be my brother-in-law. I wish they were good enough to be on the team, but they just aren't... and I thought it was only fair to be completely unbiased and simply go with the best players available.

    To make it more awkward, my father-in-law is good enough to be on the team... so my wife and I are heading out of town for the tournament along with the in-laws while my bro-in-law and his wife are left behind... and it just happens to also be his wife's birthday weekend.

    Anyways, I know I need to be up front about it and talk about it with him, but I'd like to know what you would say in this situation. It's a toughie...
     
    #1 3814, Mar 14, 2011
  2. Pizza_Da_Hut

    Pizza_Da_Hut I put on pants for this?

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    If he really is your best friend, if you tell him he sucks, he should be ok with it. Plus, it is hockey.. It's barely a sport as is..
     
    #2 Pizza_Da_Hut, Mar 14, 2011
  3. bnb

    bnb Contributing Member

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    First...it's "hockey", not "ice hockey" -- you 'merican or something?

    Blame it on the wife. Her birthday and all. And tell him to take some powerskating this summer.
     
    #3 bnb, Mar 14, 2011
  4. Royals Ego

    Royals Ego Member

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    things like this... often it's not about whose good enough or not good enough, it's where they stand in your family, returning favors (read: leverage)

    rethink...
     
    #4 Royals Ego, Mar 14, 2011
  5. 3814

    3814 Contributing Member

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    I play roller hockey, ice hockey, and floor hockey - so it just comes naturally to specify which one I'm talking about... but yeah, I could have just said "hockey" for this board.
     
    #5 3814, Mar 14, 2011
  6. Rocketman95

    Rocketman95 Hangout Boy

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    this. sounds like a bad idea to have the father in-law on the team but not him. i'd either leave the dad off or have them both on. it's admirable to be unbiased, but it's not like this is a tryout for an nhl team.
     
    #6 Rocketman95, Mar 14, 2011
  7. v3.0

    v3.0 Contributing Member

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    Just tell him he sucks and you want the team to win.
     
    #7 v3.0, Mar 14, 2011
  8. Joshfast

    Joshfast "We're all gonna die" - Billy Sole
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    Tell him you value winning over family.

    Or you could tell him he's actually the winner since it's hockey and he doesn't have to play now.
     
    #8 Joshfast, Mar 14, 2011
  9. Deckard

    Deckard Blade Runner
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    Not using your position to let your relatives and friends play on the team is, from my experience, more unusual than the reverse. Frankly, I admire what you did. Just be prepared for what may turn out to be some ticked off friends and relatives.
     
    #9 Deckard, Mar 14, 2011
  10. R0ckets03

    R0ckets03 Contributing Member

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    oooh...you should have just picked him anyways and not given him any playing time.
     
    #10 R0ckets03, Mar 14, 2011
  11. bnb

    bnb Contributing Member

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    if it's a drop in group, you probably pick teams every game, right?

    So he should know where he stands in the pecking order. Just tell him you needed to be fair to everyone, and you picked based on skating/speed/skill. Make sure to tell him you would have loved to have him on the team, but there just wasn't enough room...he should be fine with that. Don't overthink it. Unless his assessment of his skill is very different then yours. Probably would have been better to recruit one of the top players to help you pick the team so it wasn't all on you.
     
    #11 bnb, Mar 14, 2011
  12. Major Malcontent

    Major Malcontent Contributing Member

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    Depends on what the brother in law in question is like. If he is gonna be butthurt forever, totally not worth it....like Deck said your team is gonna expect you to use some nepotism...and if they don't a simple "He's my bro-in-law, whaddya gonna do." should suffice.

    But if he takes rejection ok and isn't delusional about his hockey prowess you can cut him.

    I would err on the side of family harmony if its a question.
     
    #12 Major Malcontent, Mar 14, 2011
  13. RocketManJosh

    RocketManJosh Contributing Member

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    Honestly you should have just recused yourself from that decision .. You cant judge them fairly and may even be overly critical to avoid the appearance of favoritism ... You should have gotten some other folks (maybe the top 2-3 players) to help decide if your friends/relatives were good enough. That way if they dont make the team you just say it was a collective decision and if they do make the team you know they deserved it.
     
    #13 RocketManJosh, Mar 14, 2011
  14. 3814

    3814 Contributing Member

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    I should clarify the relationship...

    ...it's not his dad that's on the team. We both married sisters and it's our wives' dad that is on the team. But yeah, I still think this is a valid point.

    I'm sick to my stomach on how I'm supposed to deal with this. There are 4-5 better players that also didn't make the team, but I'm considering adding him as our '19th' skater to maybe put in a quick shift on defense here or there. But even that doesn't seem fair to the group as a whole as other guys are more deserving of the spot and it takes ice time away from guys who are significantly better than him... but it would take away the pressure/guilt.
     
    #14 3814, Mar 14, 2011
  15. 3814

    3814 Contributing Member

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    Yeah, good point. I definitely need to do this next season!
     
    #15 3814, Mar 14, 2011
  16. rockets934life

    rockets934life Contributing Member

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    Tough call but your goal is to win and putting someone who doesn't give you the best chance to win is unfair to the rest of the team. I know it might cause some tension but unless there was a handshake deal where he was guaranteed a spot, he took the risk of not making it and thus a risk he took.
     
    #16 rockets934life, Mar 14, 2011
  17. bnb

    bnb Contributing Member

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    what's the group expecting?

    You aren't dealing with the parents of a Little League All Star selection here. There'll be no scouts present. You're all in your 20's or above.

    If it's just a road trip for a beer league tournament, then I'd expect you to pick friends/family first. With 18 skaters, if one or two 'lesser' guys got on the team, I'd be fine with that -- even if I got left off. How bad is this bro-in-law??

    I just can't see this being a big deal with a group of drop-in guys. I'd have put bro-in-law on the team if he wanted to go. Take him as a 7th defenseman, let him open the gate, and go on beer runs...Unless this is a serious league, and you guys are gunning for top spot, just go out and have some fun.

    (and you might want to leave the wives at home ;)).
     
    #17 bnb, Mar 14, 2011
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  18. 3814

    3814 Contributing Member

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    haha... It's a pretty competitive tournament with two college teams and 6 men's groups from around the province, but there's nothing more than 'pride' at stake.

    The bro-in-law is solid defensively (long stick, good reaction) and offensively he can tap in goals when they're spoon-fed to him, but he's a weak skater and stick-handler so when he has the puck in open ice it's a turnover waiting to happen. He's not very heads-up in seeing the smart pass in front of him... I would rather put him with selfish but talented linemates as a forward than to place him on defense where a turnover would be quite costly.

    You guys have me thinking I should do the courteous family thing and give him a spot... but at the back of my mind I still feel it's a bit unfair to the rest of the guys on the squad (and those left off it). He's really just 'not there' talent-wise. There will for sure be similar players on some teams at the tournament, but not on any of the teams with a chance to win (we'd still have a chance though).

    But I'm leaning towards giving him a spot on the 4th line for quick shifts (and then moving another guy back so we have 7 defensemen). Is that the right thing to do?
     
    #18 3814, Mar 14, 2011
  19. Deckard

    Deckard Blade Runner
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    Oh, Canada!


    (couldn't help myself!)
     
    #19 Deckard, Mar 14, 2011
  20. Royals Ego

    Royals Ego Member

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    give up your spot for the in-law; can't go wrong with false selflessness
     
    #20 Royals Ego, Mar 14, 2011
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