verse, Sorry to hear about your situation. One thing I would like to suggest is that I hope you don't try revenge or doing something that will damage your relationship with her even more... at least not now. I've made a major mistake in my previous relationship which I regreted & haunted me thorough out all those sleepless nights -- that I expressed too much emotion at the time when I decided to broke up with my ex & somehow let the emotion taken over the rational side of me. I was cruel & I never been like that ... I believe I did that subconsciously in an attempt to be able to completely break up any bond & feelings with her & hoping by doing that both of us could move on..., well, I was wrong. I consider myself a very rational, logical person with good self-control in most of the matters in life. But when it comes to relationships I was/am not. Well, after I broke up with my ex I started telling people I am ready to move on, that there is no way I'm going back with her & it's over,etc... but when my ex called after 2 years of no contact a while ago, I just realized I was fooling myself. She still has my heart & there is nothing I can do about it... well, I guess that's what happened when you get to meet someone truely special & irreplaceable in life. Honestly, I wish you could really forget about her & move on. That will be the best. But just in case that does not cope well for you in the future, I hope you don't burn all the bridges & good memories along the way like I did with my ex.
CRC, is telling mutual acquaintences exactly what happened "burning a bridge"? i've already told a few, because...well...they asked. and it does paint her in a horrible light. but, i'm only telling the truth! i don't know, CRC. do i just say "we're not together anymore" and refuse to answer "why"? these aren't complete strangers. these are people that i know. plus, i don't want them thinking that i did something which contributed to the situation, because i did not. what do you, or anyone else for that matter, think?
Well, I'll hope that there is a way that you could somehow get the message across to the others without letting her feel you are trying to make her look bad. I just don't want you to leave a bad impression to her after the break up. I wish you could show some class & let her know how noble you are & she'll realize you are a true gentleman even though things don't work out between the 2 of you. I still hope you can forget about her & get on with your life. But just hope both of you don't try to make each other look bad that's all. Well, at least you can still enjoy the wonderful memory with her over the past 4 month & thank her for it... that's one way to look at it. Just my 2 cents.
It all comes back to how they relay what you said to her. You're emotional right now so subconsiously you may be painting her in a worse light then she deserves. But even if you are completly fair in your telling of the story it might be brought to her as you bad mouthing her. Even mutual friends should know to stop asking if you simply say "That is really between me and her and I don't want to get into that." I would only spill what really happened to people you know won't ever repeat it back to her.
I'm only asking a question, not trying to be an ass. Here we go. Why are her friends going to be pissed at her? Yall went out for 4 months and she decided that she didnt want to be with you. Whats so terrible about that? I am not saying that it doesnt hurt you but it is what she wants. Also, from what you have said before, she has a history of being wishy washy. They probably know that and most of her friends arent going to care what she does in her love life. I may not agree with everything my friends do in their personal lives but I am not going to stop being their friends or whatever. Just my thoughts and like I said, I am not trying to be an ass about it.
did that. in fact, i bought her a card the next day thanking her for the 4 months, and wished her all the happiness she could find in life.
thanks for the response. i think i'm going to talk to one of the guys i spoke with last night just to make sure that the convo stays between he and i. i guess a decent response to questions could just be "hey, she went back to her ex" and leave it at that. i don't know. being truthful with you, it sucks. it's like someone robbed me and i'm supposed to just let them walk away freely. or cover for them. it doesn't feel right to me. i mean, why go out of my way to not say what she did? it was sh*tty, and her and i both know it. why have everyone else around us thinking that it was an amicable breakup when, in fact, it wasn't? i feel like i'd be trying to make her look better than what she in fact is.
there's nothing wrong with pursuing what you want in life, but there is a right way to do it. but i get your point. MB, i'm not trying to ruin her friendships. like i said, these are mutual friends of ours. they ask me because they are a friend of mine, as well. do i expect them to stop talking to her? no. but, i have difficulties trying to make her actions better than what they were. you know what i mean? oh, and i didn't take that as rude or anything (what you posted). don't worry 'bout it. you're just being straightforward, and that's ok with me.
I hear ya, but trust me, the truth will come out. If it comes from you it lessens (sp?) When her friends hear about it you will look better for being the bigger person.
My father-in-law once gave me a valuable tid bit of knowledge. No matter how beautiful the woman, or what she will do for you, there is always at least on man, somewhere, who is tired of her crap.
here's what you can do, verse... you can sit down cry and whine like a little b**** about things (like i do on a daily basis) or you can simply move on somehow. basically, she's damaged goods (takes one to know one) and i can understand why she broke it off. trust me... she's doing you a favor/favour... big time. just be content with the fact that she was able to communicate with you about the way she was feeling after such a short period of time (if you consider four months short). hopefully the relationship her during those four months didn't affect the relationship between you, her, or most importantly... your daughter. it can really screw up a household. you don't want that. it's f'ing hard as hell to forget the past and move on if the past tends to repercuss. i'm sure you have the strength though. if not... self depreciation, depression, or needless worrying could follow. why dwell on "why she was wrong in leaving you" when you could focus on her selflessness by admitting that she wasn't ready instead of waiting two years down the road?
I'm going to let you in on my past just to help you out on handling this..... I had a crush on this girl in high school. Pretty much unattainable at the time, in my opinion. Years went by, and we met again. We dated for a couple of months, and then she blew me off. In my mind I thought "to hell with her. Her loss." Then she called me out of the blue. I'd pretty much laid the footwork, so I was fine with seeing her again. We dated again for a few weeks, and she blew me off again! I, again, said "to hell with her" and went about my business. Then I saw her once again out, and she wanted wanted to just go home and make out. I obliged again, because we'd never been serious before, so I figured "what the hell?" So we went to her house. We ended getting very serious over the next three months. Her and my friends were tossing the "M" word around more than we were, but it was because we clicked so well, and everything about our relationship seemed so perfect. Then we went to one of her cousin's weddings.... With her Parents.... And her family. Don't get me wrong, I made a great showing, but things came to a head when myself, a couple of her cousins and herself were at a fast food restaurant late night. Her cousins smoked; I smoked; she HATED smoking. Her cousin asks if he can smoke in the cab we're in. She screams about how awful that can be, and I say "Can you just chill out! You sound like one of those vegans that had meat just touch her potato!" Needless to say, we get back to the hotel and after many minutes in her bathroom, she states "when we get back to Houston, I want your things out of my house, and I want you gone." Now I was totally in love with this girl at the time, but I tried to follow the game. I got back to Houston, quietly picked my stuff up from her house, and left................ IN RETROSPECT THAT IS HOW I SHOULD HAVE LEFT IT!!! But nooooooooooooooo, I ended up waiting to hear a guys advice that would mimic what I was thinking. A week later I sended a nice text message. I received a "I don't know what to say" back. I waited a week later, and then sent a lengthy letter, along with a song I wrote her and about $100 worth of flowers. I got 1 more date and lost my pride for that. LISTEN TO US!!! LEAVE HER BE!
Hey verse, I hope for teh best for you. I know how it feels, and how it can feel that bad after only a relatively short time. I had a relationship that lasted about four or five months back in 1995. I just felt we really clicked. She was the first woman I had ever just felt completely comfortable and right with. The first woman who I felt I could really talk to and care what she said in return. I didn't have to fake it at all. To me, we seemed perfect for each other. There was the slight problem of her just getting out of a marriage, though, and in the end, her husband fed her the whole "I've changed" crap, and she went back with him, at least partially because they had two daughters together (and her father was killed in a fire when she was very young, so she was especially sensitive to the idea of her kids growing up without their father, even though he was a jack@ss). It just killed me when she didn't want to see me anymore. I was basically forced to not embarrass myself by pursuing her since her husband almost immediately moved back in with her (making talking to her pretty much impossible). That was over eight years ago, and I still think about her from time to time, and it still makes me a little sad when I do think of her, even though I haven't seen her or talked to her since September of 1995. It's not nearly as bad now, of course, but in those first few weeks, it took everything I had not to pick up the phone and call her just because I wanted to hear her voice and have one of those conversations we'd had so many times. Or something good would happen to me, and I'd immediately want to call her to share my good fortune with her. Or I'd just think of a funny story and wish I could tell her about it. I took her not wanting to see me again far worse than I took my divorce, and I was married for four years. The connection that my wife and I had, though, was just nothing compared to the connection that this girl and I had. It sucks. And I don't think going out and banging a bunch of chicks is really going to make you feel better because what you miss about her is the emotional closeness you shared, not the physical closeness. I wish I could tell you that you'll find someone better, but I haven't yet, so I can't promise you that. But I know the emptiness you're feeling now will lessen over time.
mr. paige speaks obviously more eloquently than I do, but he is correct. I love women. But they do and will play tricks on us. I've already discovered that when a woman decides to leave... leave her be. She'll come back, or she won't. In either case, it will never be OUR decision.
Well verse, if it helps, I am more pathetic than you will ever be. Yesterday I go to see the college counselor, I see 1 of the 2 chicks I would consider asking out at the moment. After about 5 minutes I find out she has a kid. and Today... I see the other chick I might consider asking out and after about 5 minutes I find out she has a boyfriend and he's in the military. So you see, you may have lost, but I ground out before I can even get a chance at 3 strikes. God, I the biggest loser alive. Bob Barker is freakin 80 years old and probably is still getting sexual favors from those 2-bit whores who wheel in washing machines.
