Verse, I hope things work out for ya man I been there too. This chic was into drugs I saw all the warning signs but my heart is all I was thinking with. I had to find out from a bud of mine she was stripping. I went and saw for myself. I almost wish I would have never done that becuase it hurt. But, maybe that is what I needed to move on...I was the last thing on that girls mind when she was snorting up and doing whatever other drugs she was doing. Anyway, I have been dating this girl for over a year and totally pushed her away recently. Why? I don't know but it may have something to do with how the old girl hurt me. I didnt give this one a real chance I convinced myself that she was going to end up hurting me too and that there is no one out there for me. Then I realized that being negative and not truly opening up will never get me anywhere. I want her back now and she is moving slower than I would like but she has not told me that it can no longer be. So, I told her how I really felt that I would try to change my thinking patterns and truly give her all of my heart. Hopefully things work out but if not I will just have to learn from my mistakes just as you will need to Verse. Good Luck to you.
Wow...four months. You fell pretty hard, bro. Sorry to hear what you're going through. I had to make it past a 3 year relationship. Listen to a lot of the advice in here; they're telling you mostly what I would. When it isn't your fault, when you did the best you could do, when the choice isn't yours...you just have to move on, grow strong again and keep away. Don't talk. Don't go to the bar. Don't try and 'show her up'. None of it matters. What you need is the chance to be and depend on you again. If she would up and leave you like that, the whole thing wasn't what you thought it was anyway. And more than likely...you will hear from her again. But in those instances, each situation is unique. What you've become before that time occurs is what matters most. Best of luck man.
Day #2: times are still difficult over here. i saw her yesterday, but managed to not talk to her...except for asking her for change for a dollar. other than that, no convo, no eye contact. i didn't stay but 30 minutes, then left. went home and watched the rox game. this morning was tough. i'm not sure why, but ever since this happened, i keep waking up at 6:00 in the morning. on the dot. i try to go back to sleep, but i can't. i keep thinking about her having sex with someone else and it drives me crazy. i want to stop her from doing it, but i know that i can't. i know the first day she's off from work will be the first day she's having sex with him. i also know that what she's done is transference of feelings. all of this i know, but it doesn't make me feel any better, and doesn't make it easier to not attempt to stop her and get her to turn around. it was DAMN TOUGH to not call her this morning. i know by now she's gotten the email i sent her (posted on page 1). and a large part of me wants to know what her thoughts are. but, fortunately, my best friend (who lives in houston) was available to talk, and that got me through the morning. had he not been there, it'd been even tougher. for those that have brought up how short a time period it was (4 months), believe me....i understand. and i have never fallen for someone this hard. not even my ex-fiancee. not even exes i've dated for 4 to 6 years. none of them. never felt that kind of love. but, **** it right? part of me says to just go on a tear. go bang as many women as possible in a short amount of time. it probably would make me feel better. hell, my best friend offered to drive up from houston and treat me to a night at Wild Zebra, where i'm practically guaranteed to get laid...based on my past experiences. i don't know. maybe. hell, it is $5 table dance night! my daughter's mother is an option as well. but i don't think that's the wisest decision to make. she might be down with it (more than likely), but i dunno. someone i don't have ties with is probably the better option. i dunno...
Verse and the Gang, You must be STRONG!! I live in Houston BTW. It goes back to my original thinking that no one should ever have to compete for a girl with some other guy. If she even fathoms the idea of someone else versus you then it is not about what two people have but a comparison, which I will not accept. Like any guy, I've been hurt in relationships, but one must know when to simply let go when everything in your body tells you otherwise. Love and affection and all of that fades in time and the only thing left is mutual respect and the quality of the persons character. Obviously she has no respect for you and no character, so I say you are lucky. No, you are VERY lucky that you were not with this girl for years instead of months before you saw her true nature. Anytime I find out something bad about a girl, I see it as a positive b/c its better to know now rather than later when I am more committed and its even harder to get out.
Dude, I feel for you and I know you'll get through it...Some people think girls are the only people that go through such heartbreak, as it's deemed that your not manly if you let your feelings show... You know, it'll be even harder if its your first true love, but "when one door closes, another one opens"...That has always put things in perspective for me... I know it seems like the end of the world and if you were truly into her like you said you were, then the hurt won't go away for a long time unless you regroup and try to move on... Keep in mind, she is a divorcee and probably has committment issues and if she feels she's getting too close, she bolts...True love will win out and if your meant to be, then your meant to be... When I'm depressed, I eat, drink and shop...I also listen to the most depressing, heartbreak music to make me even more depressed, but listening to the words are kinda theraputic...Good luck...
verse, it's never easy, especially when you're the one that's kicked to the curb. i have a friend who's currently in the same situation as you except that the break up was TWO years ago. he claims he loves her even after all the really cold stuff she's done to him. he keeps asking me for advice but he never follows it. after the breakup, he'd call her everyday and that just pushed her away further. i tell him to cut all ties with her and stop begging. so, a couple months go by, and he'd somehow talk to her again and again starts to pour his heart out to her. and of course she repels. he calls me up and ask what should he do. so i tell him again, "STOP TALKING TO HER!" now 3 months pass from the last phone conversation he talks to her AGAIN. and of course he can't talk to her w/o saying how he feels. i tell him to just make it short and mention nothing of feelings. well, he didn't listen again. this has been going on the last 2 years and each time he speaks to her his feelings resurface. he's actually dating now but still phones her up to say how much he loves her. and where has this gotten him? nowhere. think about it, she may be a b*tch for breaking up with you, but she's not deaf. telling her you love her 20,000 times will only make her ears explode, not her heart. if 99 guys tell a hot chick that she's beautiful, that's nothing special to her. it's the guy that points to her imperfections that drives her mad. by the way, the friend who's situation i've described reads cc.net. and i hope he reads this and understands what i've been trying to tell him. maybe then, it'll really sink in. you can't live for a girl who doesn't live for you. to men, 2+2=4 to women, 2+2=Whatever I feel like today.
Right on again, FD. No self respecting man should be forced to compete with another man for a woman. Sure, it always works out in the movies, but in real life the girl is just playing both of you. If I am ever in this situation, I cut bait and run away without looking back. I just don't have time for it. I'm too good for it. Women should be competing for me. That's the way you should look at it. It's the only way to keep your dignity! BTW, I hope you're not one of those people that has to be with someone all the time. Don't underestimate being alone for a while. It really helps you fockass...er, focus on what's important...you and your daughter.
macalu, i've already resolved not to call her anymore. at least not for a while. not until i'm in a position of strength. coming to her from any other position, like one where i'm pursuing her would be a disastrous waste of my time and very counterproductive. you're right about the "2+2" thing. they're emotionally based creatures, while we are logically based...for the most part. she is, however, not the norm as far as that goes. yea, she's emotional, and makes some incredibly f*cked up decisions, but anyone that knows her will tell you she has a lot of masculine tendencies. IOW, she usually takes the actions that a man would normally take in a relationship, despite how her feelings are. she's emotionally charged, flighty, unpredictable, etc., but her decisions are not ones that women usually take. i don't know how to explain it w/o you knowing her personally. and, to everyone, their woman is different...so, nevermind.... like i said, i want her back. i won't lie about that. but the only way to do it, apparently, is to move on. that doesn't seem to make sense, but it's probably true. that doesn't make these days any easier, and i'll probably continue to post my daily feelings/activities here on the bbs to help me get by. that sounds kind of weak, but it does help and i hope you guys don't mind helping out...
F.D.: i've always believed the same thing. i won't compete for a woman, because i am the prize. i know that contrary to what i've been doing with this girl to this point, but that is what my foundation usually is. i guess i'm trying to get back to that again? in other threads i've started here in the Hangout, i've been called conceited, self-centered, etc. for my beliefs. i once said that "being a good looking guy helps" me to attract women, to explain why i have refused to chase women, and got blasted by a few members. so be it. i think i need to value and respect myself and my beliefs more than this woman.
EXACTLY Verse, And about calling her when you're in a "Position of Strength"??? What is the point? So she can come back for a short time until she flake's out again over some other garbage. Like I said earlier, to learn the nature of a woman after 4 months allows you to cut your losses and leave w/o any baggage. Be fortunate that you did not learn her true nature after years instead!! Seeing how you said Wild Zebra, I see you're from San Antonio. I went to Trinity there. SA is a reasonably fun town, but Houston has just been getting exponentially better and better as of late. Everytime I go out to SA we end up at Paesano's / Palm/ then Zinc and Swigs etc and I see the same people as if I didn't leave there 5 years ago.
he he zinc is fun, but you're right. same people over and over. peter and loofty (sp) have been there since day one. even though they work there, it doesn't matter. they're there even on the off days. swig's i never cared for. cohiba is the bomb place to go on a 2nd or 3rd date. honestly, man, because i do still have those feelings. maybe that'll change in time, but i want to believe she'll figure her problems out and one day, who knows....maybe... btw, did you get my email?
WOW!! This is exactly me two years ago. Trust me time will do the trick (screwing random chicks doesn't help, well at least it didn't help me) but thanks for sharing, i thought i was going mad when i went through this. Hang in there bud.
the woman i met in this thread: Gorgeous woman! i just found her number again!!! i just called her, and we talked for a couple of minutes. she remembered me instantly, what i drove, etc. i kept it short, but it was nice talking to her. of course, i have no plans of mentioning my ex. hmm. i feel a little better. any advice?
Advice - Stop worrying about it so damn much. Everything will happen when it happens. You just broke up like an hour ago and you are wanting to dry hump another.
Master Baiter, I think the best thing to do is to go find another woman quickly and realize that the pedastal we usually put those we care for on is often not warranted. But then again, with the name "Master Baiter" i'm sure you would do other things instead of calling a girl to get some 'real' action.
I'm pretty sure he's married. I'm guessing that means he didn't have too hard a time getting a woman.
1. I was making a joke. 2. I have been married for over seven years and get more action than most. 3. If he is really this heart broken, getting another woman is probably the worst thing to do right now. It would only be a rebound therefore the odds are stacked against you in that it would be a successful relationship. Get over this woman, chill out, and let nature then take its course. Its when you stop looking that you find what you want.
