If I'm recalling this correctly, doesn't she have another guy she has been seeing? It sounds like she was weighing her options, which should have told you to act if she was special enough for you. I think you have to make a certain leap of faith in any relationship and think you might have played it too cool with her by expecting her to make the big relationship call. That's just my $.02. Sorry things are looking down now, FFB. This too will pass.
I don't know whether I'm more perplexed you posted this on line, that she didn't deck you for saying 'at your age' to a woman over 30, or that you asked her to delete you. It's a strange new world indeed. That aside...good luck to you. I hope it works out. Sounds like you were smitten -- and that always hurts if it doesn't work out. No advice. Just well wishes.
I hope to Christ that she doesn't see this, but considering that she's anonymous on this board tends to help. Either way, I'm moving on. Apparently I was correct in my first assumption.
Isn't that what dating is supposed to be about? Weighing your compatibilities and deciding on the long term risk/reward ratio of the relationship till you have a deal or you break off negotiations. It's veiled as fun and games but there is a serious evaluation process going on. She just called off the deal. If smoking and drinking is your deal man, that's what you live for, then do that. But most chicks are hardwired for domestication. Their ego's don't want the constant competition trying to be the hottest chick in the place. It's too hard. Their hormones drive them to nest and reproduce. They look for the best provider they can snag. Really, are you Dad and 'grow old together' material? And frankly the girls that don't want that kind of thing are usually the whackjobs. Sorry for your pain, sorry for your loss of trust, sorry for the next woman that tries to dig into your psyche. You are going to look all dark and broken and girls think that if they get through that, they can fix you and then they can have you all to themselves. I think for you, you just have to forget the goal and just enjoy the hunt. Catch and release. That's what the barfly life is about anyway, isn't it? Disconnection, uncommitted, self destruction, and distraction.
My observation is your girlfriend is wanting you to grow up and act your age but you still behave like your in college. It doesn't sound like you are wanting to change so maybe being deleted is the best thing. I'm sure part of that "frat boy fun" accusation makes you the life of the party at times...but it doesn't seem to make you the settling down type of guy. It seems she is dropping hints that she wants you to be more mature so the relationship can continue. But, you don't appear to want to do that...do you sport?
HONESTLY, I don't think so Regardless of how you feeling now You both said something that NEEDED to be said Having the constantly lurking in the background would not be good would be a major impediment long term Instead having this issue now .. . You would have it in 6 more months would that be betteR? I think you and her can get beyond it but Put on ya Hard hat and put in the work . . . . As long as you sure she not pulling some passive aggressive crap . . . I say work work work REMEMBER The #1 Rule is life: DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU? Now the real question is .. . WHAT IS BEST *FOR* YOU? Rocket River
Man. I almost read your whole post. She spent the 4th of July with someone else! Uh-huh. Someday someone will love you flaws and all.
I hope everything works out with you man. Good luck. I can't really give you too many advice, 'cause you have more "wisdom" than me, for sure.
I'm in agreeance with those that thought her message was mature and well thought out. I don't know the full extent of your relationship, how far you guys got, or anything like that. But I'd be hard pressed to think of many girls that I've run into that could write me a message like that. Now, what are your options here? Cut back on your partying and smoking and settle down to be with her, or let her go and keep living your life as you see fit? Sounds to me like she's doing the right thing and not letting any resentment build towards each other by understanding that the foundation you two have may not be the best to build a meaningful relationship (or marriage) out of. It's up to you man, but just ask yourself if this woman is truly one of a kind, or if she's another floozy you can find at Pub Fiction, or Howl at the Moon, or The Roof. Is she telling you to cut back on things that you would've eventually cut back on anyway in a few years time? Sometimes life forces you to make changes faster than you anticipated. Take care man, and best of luck with whatever it is you decide to do.
She called you out to the bone, fatty. She knows what she wants and what you want. It's decision time on whether you want to change for that next step or not. Swallowing a bit of pride is a sacrifice many would take in hindsight. Judging by her prose, she likes and respects you enough not to change directly, so if you're committed to something more, it's because you want to change and not what she wants you to change. Fairly mature and rational given the circumstance...
Pub Fiction is the t***, but I'd still choose a woman over a bar any day of the week. If it cheers you up any we will be talking Tech Football tomorrow with Coach Leach try and wake up and tune in.
c) You are not long-term relationship material for her. Ever consider changing those habits she doesn't like?
Fatty, I've only read the first post in this thread and all I can say is she sure is a manipulative little one. She's stringing you along until she finds her complete package, while feeding you just enough to make you think you could be the one. Move on, especially since you've said you are letting go.
This is what honest communications gets you. Fatty, you have 2 choices. 1. Change and be with her.....which may or may not make you miserable. 2. Stay the same....and realize that is not what she wants from a husband. At least you two were honest with each other....... The bottom line, is that both of you are being honest, and if it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out...... Sometimes people have to change......and honestly......most people do.....at the end of the day....Fatty, my clutchfans friend, I hope you find happiness, whether you change or not..... DD
I'm uncomfortable participating in relationship advice on the internet, but I will share a bit about my personal situation. I used to spend as much time in bars as Fatty does. They were like my living room. It was always a point of contention in my relationships, whether the women I was dating enjoyed the bar life or not. None of them could have possibly enjoyed it as much as I did. And then I met my girlfriend. She likes to go out once in a while, but she's not a barfly. And, all of a sudden, I wasn't either. It wasn't a decision or a compromise I made consciously; I just woke up one day and realized I preferred to hang out with her at home. And all of a sudden I was bored with bars and hard drinking. We've been living together for nearly two years and I've never missed my previous lifestyle. I don't expect everyone to be as lucky as I've been in this way. But I mainly attribute it to enjoying my home life, and domestic living in general, for the first time ever. My girlfriend is my favorite person and my best friend and I'd rather spend time with her than anyone else. And we have a much better time at home than we ever could at a bar. Regardless, good luck to you, Fatty.
