if you can't trust your woman to go out to the clubs, then the relationship is already over. find another woman. hell, i tell my SOs to get hit on and let the guy buy her drinks. and they do, even when she clearly states she's not interested...dumbasses. then i swoop in and drink it.
i trusted my ex to go clubbing with her friends, but then i decided i didn't like the idea of random guys rubbing up on her with or without her consent.
Thanks for all the support. I want to write more on the subject, but to answer one question.... How did I find out about the affair? We both run events at SXSW. She came home that week after leaving since (1) I had a friend coming into town and (2) she had a sister coming into town. We got along well and at that point the separation, although I was blindsided and thrown for a loop, seemed to be just a bump in the road. She then stayed in our house for a few weeks before leaving again in early May. One night we were intimate. It was late. Well past midnight before we had finished. She gets out of bed almost immediately and declares she is going to take the dog for a walk. I find that odd so late at night. She wakes me up when she gets back from the walk and says that she is leaving us and that we are done. I don't get answers as to her reasoning. She sleeps in 'her' room that evening. I toss and turn and wake up early to talk to her before she leaves for work. I come into her room, but don't want to wake her up so I look at her phone to see when the alarm her is set. Instinctively, I then look at her call log...there is an outgoing call to a guy I don't know at around 12:45 the night before. The ensuing conversation reveals some...but not even close to all, of the truth. She says it was just a friend, but the time and proximity after our intimacy says alot more. A then totally random occurance starts to put more puzzle pieces together. She goes to Houston with this guy and a whole group of their old HS friends (all of whom know that she is in a serious relationship of six years) to a house party. By some stroke of dumb luck two of my old college friends are there and I get word that the two of them are more than friendly at the party and she is equally less than friendly to my friends. It's another two weeks, immediatly after I return from a getaway vacation, that I fight to get the truth out. That night, at that party, apparantly the deed was done. The first time. Oh, the trickle truth. BTW, if any body in Central Austin is interested in getting together for games, I'm obviously down my viewing buddy.
Wow... This was the most heart wrenching post I've ever read on the BBS. I'm really sorry. What struck me so much is how well it's written... it totally read like a novel.
Jent, I hate you as a fantasy player, but dude, I feel for your situation. She needs to rot in hell for doing all that....
Wow...that is brutal. I know its easy to forgive a girl that you are in love with...but seriously, this girl does not deserve you, or anyone half decent for that matter. You deserve much better. Girls suck, throw rocks at them.
i'll give it a shot... in letting my gf go out to clubs without me, without complaining about it or worrying about her cheating or meeting other guys? one thing that i forgot to add was that it was very early in the relationship when she would do this so the whole trust thing wasnt completely established yet. i wouldve gone with her if i knew how important those first few months were.
I have always allowed my girl to do that. We have been together 6 years and theres never been a problem. It seems once you really give them that freedom and establish that trust, they no longer worry so much about it. I am not a jealous person though, so maybe thats why.
i think the moral of the story is, never truly trust a woman until yall make 3 babies and she gains 100 lbs and 30 years older than the attractive age and poor and ... just kidding, i'm on "drugs".
Whatever the real truth is...I don't think you have the full story. You've done a decent job of piecing it together but there's more to it...is the feeling I get. Apparently, she had sex with you the last time and decided you weren't worth the trouble...so it seems like as soon as you'll finished her mind was made up and she had to let the other guy know asap. She couldn't even wait until the next day to make that phone call. What a tramp. I also bet she slept with that guy before that party.
from what i gather, he doesnt really need the full story anymore. No matter what he does to get the full story, he will never get it. Some girls are so used to lying that at times they lie when they dont need to. That girl actually did him a favor when she left him, at least now she wont be there to hurt him. Sure the seperation may be hard but ppl get over it, and those that arent strong enough to handle that may have a bigger problem concerning abandonement than actually losing that girl. I know moving on is hard, especially when they cheat on u. It never feels like u get an actual closure, but u gotta suck it up. Main thing to do is move on. The more u talk about her , the worst it gets... its just a constant reminder everytime her name pops out ur mouth. Most guys that talk bad about thier ex usually havent gotten over them. If she calls dont pick up, what can she possibly say to u that will make u happy? At least for now just avoid her and just take steps in removing anything that reminds u of her. its best to forget someone when ur not constantly reminded of her. And if u ever see her again, be curteous.... dont be an @ss towards her, the angrier towards her just shows u still care. Be the bigger person and never step down to her level. Just remember, she will never b good enough for you and u should take comfort in that becuase u will never feel the need to ever have her in ur life.
Sorry to hear, BUT this type of thing happens more and more all the time. We all need to be prepared for this if we are in a relationship. I will say, you are partly at fault because you let it drag on this long, once you found out about the romance at the reunion, you should have ended things right then and there and moved on. I've learned that women are such emotional creatures and they crave excitement, spontainety, and don't always think their decisions through. The worst thing a woman can be, is bored. If shes bored, she'll do god knows what for the excitement that it brings. When they get into this frame of mind, they don't think about who they may hurt by their decisions. And they will find friends and other females to help them VALIDATE their bad decisions. "just have fun, girl", etc.. That is the key, a female can find a way to validate their actions one way or another and at that point they have no conscience and it is all down hill from there. Keep your head up, DO NOT go back to her, have fun spending time with friends and doing the things you couldn't do while committed and look for a new love in the proeess. You will have some lonely nights, be a man, be strong and deal with them, they will only make you stronger. When you find your new love, don't hold back, but be prepared because this very thing may happen again, it has happend to most of us, you can't give up on love, but you have to be prepared for what a woman is capable of doing, regardless of how well she hides it.
As for where I'm at...pretty frustrated, a whole lotta angry, incredibly distraught, and holding on to the slightest degree of hope for a better day. I have stuck around as long as I did, because I believed that the fantasy, 'fog' like elements, would eventually lift. Once the affair dies a natural death often the wayward partner can see the path of destruction, hurt and pain (both as it relates to them and their betrayed partner). For now though it is all about her needs and nothing else...a function of any and all affairs. Our relationship has been recreated in her mind as something that it was not in order to justify her actions. I have been very supportive and understanding throughout the process, giving myself, time, and/or space when asked. I still do love her, but for the person that she was and the person I know her to be. I have told her though that I do not love her for the person that she currently 'is.' If she were to return I have told her that I would attempt to forgive, but she would have to demonstrate alot of remorse and put in an extrordinary amount of work to promote healing and rebuild the trust that has been lost.
thats a womans thinking, all right. b*tches are crazy and she is no different. Be angry, dont try to figure it all out, you cant rationalize the irrational. Be thankful its over now and not when you have been married and with kids. You got a second chance. Live, learn and go bang a few chicks.
this is why i am not in a relationship...they are too complicated. hang in there, dude...it will not be easy but it is not the end of the world. you want me to send you an email of photos of me?
