How Many Perfect Dumps Have You Had?

wow, three chicks all posting on the same page of a poop thread. I tell ya, this board is breaking new ground all the time...

 

nu uh....

Been married for 11 years, and for 11 years, my wife has always had the stinkiest, nastiest dumps of anyone I've ever known. You can be sitting on the other side of the house, minding your own business when that stink sifts its way over to where you are and then it's all over.

 

Multi-Bran Chex, eh? Does it taste good? I usually depend on Fiber One, water, and metamucil for my rad bowel movements but I always like to hear about other fibrous foods.

Oh man, I just tried my fiber one this morning with banana slices. I wonder if they cancel each other out.

 

I'm jealous...I made and ate my 7 cheese beef enchiladas yesterday...

 

Oh no we are different women. I'm Lady Di and she's First Lady, okay?

 

If you meditate and control your breathingyou can achieve PERFECT GLOBETROTTERS

My chances of achieving any perfects are limited due to my coffee habit every morning at work and you all know what coffee can do.

 

Word. I worked at Randall's when I was a teenager. Of the duties assigned, NOTHING was worse than being assigned to clean the women's bathroom. Everyone I know in the service industry concurs: women take the nastiest, smelliest dumps by FAR.

Personally, I think its from all the farts women hold in. While men'll just let 'em rip, women'll hold 'em in. All for the sake of propriety. I think it stales your insides.

 

I've had ONE perfect dump. It was the best day of my life.

 

omg i had another one today. If it hadn't been for the blood, the paper would have been spotless.

 

If nothing is getting on the toilet paper after you poop, you're probably not wiping thoroughly enough. You have to take the toilet paper and stick your finger as far up as it can go almost to make sure you get everything out of there. Most likely there will always be something there. The perfect dump is a sham.

 

Don't give up hope, I know it's hard to be patient but you will have a perfect dump at least once in your life, keep trying.

Perseverance is KEY to PERFECT dump.

When you reach that fork in the road, do not worry! The world of perfect is at the end of both paths, but only one is a shortcut.

There is an ancient Chinese saying that goes "Once a dog but never are lion", that is referring to perfect dump.

 

Not true. If the poop has enough solidity to it, insufficient residue is deposited in or around the bunghole during defecation.

 

Or, if they do wipe, they look at the paper to see if there's anything on it.

 

Thats just nasty. Not only do I wipe many times, I also use 2 wet wipes to make sure my a$$ feels squeaky clean. I could barely take a dump without seeing my signature printed in poop all over the bottom of the toilet seat when I flush.

 

You poop sunshine!!?? So if the lights go out, do you drop your pants and start to unload in the area!?

 

Oh my. This girl sounds like a keeper. Not only does she post in dump threads, but apparently she likes it in the pooper.

 

Can we start a thread about dumps that ... well weren't so "perfect".

 

You mean like messy dumps? Like when it looks like your ass exploded and every square inch of the toilet walls are covered in brown/green fluid? And you have to use almost a full roll of paper and begin the wipe from the gouch all the way up to your lower back? Even your ass cheeks get poo on them!

 

Awesome.