How Do You Let Somebody Know Something Negative About Themselves?

TBar,

I feel for you, man. I'm sorry to hear that and I'll be praying for your son, you, and the rest of your family. This is a topic that hits home for me because my wife is a very defensive person and does not take criticism well at all.

All I can say is that you try to be as nice and loving as possible when you talk to them, but yea, it sucks to have to point out something negative to someone you love - especially if you know they are not going to handle it well.

 

MANLAW:
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

Its nothing disrespectful or personal. Just done to preserve the gender

 

When dudes have issues with alcohol and being abusive at young ages, a lot of it stems from parental issues. Not suggesting you were a verbally abusive or distant father or whatever, but the alcohol and stuff is a symptom not the source. Either way, you might want to go to therapy just from the stress of the situation. And no shame in that.

 

Agreed- I have raised him since age 14 - he never knew his biological father. He did not get the anger with women from me. His mother is a screamer, but very good hearted-and not mean spirited she did a good job raising him.

His anger appears to be deep and complex. I am worried he does not really understand the source of his anger. I really believee the alchohol and drug use are a symptom-reaction ot other deep seated issues. He is now probably chemically out of balance, and with the depression -he does further drinking and drugs.

I am very willing to go for family counseling and luckily my work and insurance are very supportive in this. We have the resources to deal with this if he is willing.

He is well liked in his work environment when he does work and will get support there as well.

We had a family dinner- get together last nite and I called him. I did not expect him to attend -we had out of town cousins - small kids visiting. He showed up and played with the kids - fun for everybody- no drinking. At the same time I fear him having kids.

He told me last nite he wants to move back home with us and sell his house and invest the equity in a mutual fund. I have mixed feelings about this - I'm afraid he and his mom will clash very badly-it would be tough being a referee.

I would do anything to help him, but I do not want to be an enabler. His downward spiral is over powering to anything else in our lives right now. I do not mean to make this about me- but I really do not know how to deal with this much anger and negative energy.

I have prayed and am going to al-anon now to maintain some ability to deal with this. I am pushing for family counseling and taking this one day at a time with very patient-low expectations.

 

[rquoter]He told me last nite he wants to move back home with us and sell his house and invest the equity in a mutual fund. I have mixed feelings about this - I'm afraid he and his mom will clash very badly-it would be tough being a referee.[/rquoter]From the looks of the last few posts, it looks like you would do a good job of it, man. You seem optimistic. I see success in your future.

See, I wanted to suggest doing things like the family get-together ya'll had. That was my intention with the first post responding to your sitch.