I use to be afraid of death in my teenage years. I had severe anxiety and panic issues for about 12 years or so, didn't really finally conquer it until my last year in college. I did a whole lot of therapy and eventually I learned to accept my mortality. I'm 37 now, have my wife, a 3 year old and 1 month old. I'm having the time of my life but at the same time trying to figure out how to best balance out my career ambitions. We grew up poor raised by my uncle and grandma and now although I'm not rich, I can say that I've done well for myself. I'm trying to make sure and not to overwork myself. I remember early in my career I use to get down really easily if I didn't meet a goal. I did have an ******* of a manager as well that made sure to make me extra miserable. In my early 30s I transitioned to another company and stopped trying to make everyone happy and I've learned to not give a **** as much. I still give a ****, but now I don't let it get me down, I just remember that tomorrow is another day. I do have a stressful career though, so we will see how much longer I decide to last in this career, I keep telling myself I should be able to do it till my my 50s but who knows, maybe I call it quits earlier. Currently I'm trying to do better about my health. I am overweight but I do like going to play ball and love playing with my kids. I don't think I'm so afraid of my mortality, but I do want to make sure I am there for my kids as long as possible. I do get checked myself more often now rather than ignore things and do try to take a breather every now and then. It's a hard balance since sometimes you just want to go 100 miles an hour. I think I've started accepting more that I will make mistakes and not everybody is as successful as they try to make themselves seem to be.
It's pretty simple for the both of us. Nice marmot. I guess we can't all have pocket dogs? "You want a toe, I can get you a toe, with nail polish. There are ways...you don't want to know about it. I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon." "Nihilism, huh? Say what you want about the tenets of National Socialism, at least it's an 'ethos'."
I absolutely freaked out for about 48 hours on my 28th birthday. On that day, I realized I was out of my mid-20s and my first gray hair appeared. After being miserable I decided I was being stupid and just went on L-I-V-I-N. No birthday has been a big deal since. That said, I'll turn 65 soon enough and we'll see what that means. With retirement and doing all the financial planning in case I live past 80, death has been on my mind a bit. I figure I can plan on 15-18 active years left, but my main concern is Mrs. rimrocker. I don't want to get to a point where I can't do anything but she is still able. I've seen too many women be stuck for years taking care of a deteriorating husband when they should have been out enjoying life and they end up hating their spouse in some ways. If I sense that, maybe I'll walk (or wheel) out on the ice and let a polar bear take me. As for kids and grandkids, one major obligation we have is to teach them to not fear death, to gracefully accept the death of others, and to die with integrity. You see some things with a lot more clarity as you get on the back end of life and I just hope I handle it well enough to be a good example. Oh, and also read a lot and keep your mind active. The only fear I have is Alzheimer's/dementia because that is a huge burden on your loved ones.
