You don't have to wear Versace everyday to dress nice. Truth be told, I work a minimum wage job (I had two but quit one in anticipation of working a temporary high paying job) but I'm noted for the way I dress. All it takes is a trip to Marshall's, T.J. Maxx, Ross, The Gap, Old Navy, etc... an outlet mall, Goodwill and even Wal-Mart while semi-routinely going to the cleaners and hanging up your clothes to put together a solid look which can turn heads. Khakis, collar shirts, pants that have a crease, good looking but inexpensive shoes, an inexpensive nice watch, cheap socks (dress or otherwise). While some girls/people are vain and will look for the designer brands (which can still be bought at a high discount if you shop careful enough) most will just take note at how nice you are dressed along with your clean look and be impressed. Then you can still mix it in with 2-3 days a week where you throw on whatever, which is actually a good thing since you won't be accused of overdoing it.
How old are you, Optimal6? I think it's much easier for younger people to successfully break out of their shell than it is for someone over the age of 25 or 30. rocketsjudoka and several others had great advice in this thread.
I guess I'm in the 10%. I met my wife through an online dating site. The girl I dated before her I met randomly at a show in Chicago (both of us were there by ourselves). FWIW, I looked a caveman when I met both (full-on beard, t-shirt and jeans). What is/are your passion(s)? People are attracted to enthusiasm, joy, optimism, passion. What's your thing? And if your answer is you don't have a thing, then now you know where to start.
How do Forever Aloners break out of their shell? Now that Craigslist doesn't do escort ads any more, I have no idea. Backpage? :grin:
Response 1: I met my wife in class 8 years ago. I did not know her nor did we share any friends. She sat right behind me and every so often she would poke me. When I would turn around and ask her what she needed, she would smile and say nothing, just bothering you. After the first few times, when she would poke me, I would turn around and start having a conversation with her.. asked her to go to a movie.. valentine.. dating... the rest is history. Just fyi, she was very popular and I was of mediocre popularity. I was never good with girls, but the girls that I have dated in my life have come from natural situations, and never were in my circles. My best relationships were when the girl approached me. Response 2: The attitude that you don't talk to people because they don't want to talk to you is highly demotivating. I've done that before. Unless they told you that they don't want to talk to you, it's just not true. If you want them to talk to you, pick up the phone and call. Let go of the ego, "they should be calling me" or whatever it is that keeps you from talking to them. Final thoughts: In general, you have to believe in yourself before you can be looking to expand your bubble. If you can't take care of yourself, then you won't be able to put forth the effort necessary to maintain a successful, mutualistic relationship. That goes for friends, gf, bf, relatives
My Junior year at college, my room mate and I had just moved into a new apartment complex. We were outside in a common area throwing a football around for about an hour or so, shooting the bull, when we noticed that almost every other resident in our apartment building was female. We decided to introduce ourselves to our neighbors. We became friends with several apartments full of fellow students. I got a crush on one, asked her out, and we've been married for 10 years.
^^^ wanted to add that if you think those friends have changed for the worse, then you are doing a good thing by not talking to them. Surround yourself with people that inspire you and make you better. It's not a popularity contest. The quality of your friends is more important. If you can add just 1 friend to your circle in 2013, that's awesome. Good friends should be really hard to come by. You can start by making acquaintances, and see where that leads. Good luck mate
Play team sports. And I am not joking. Fighting on the same side with your teammates develop a sense of brotherhood. Gradually you will understand the concept that there are things in this world that you cannot achieve alone.
that's great advice and all, but do you know if the op is good at sports. For some people, sports are demoralizing.
I felt alot of pressure from i guess my friend groups or whatever to really pursue women at a young age. Well i consider like 14/15 young. "you still a virgin?" you dont really think about what might be the right thing to do in pursuing girls but it warps your view of how you approach and talk to them. I'm incredibly open and liberal with girls now and the main difference in myself is just confidence. its such a cliche. but the more you surround yourself with people and interact the more comfortable you'll be. Women can sense fear like bears to honey. Even if you're not confident, feign it. It'll do alot more good then harm mytwocents
Online dating sites are not to my advantage at least the free ones likePOF and OkCupid primarily because I'm not white. I don't want to sound racist, but most people on the free dating websites are pretty racist because they stereotype and only want to date within their own race. Aesthetics play a large role as well, I doubt they'd respond to you if you have average or below average looks. A lot of girls on those dating sites are whales and think they are Kim K. You might be talking about Match.com or EHarmony though, but I've never tried it because I'm not willing to pay for this.....not yet at least. It sounds like you just got incredibly lucky more than anything. I have a hard time seeing many guys fail in that situation unless they were completely creepy and socially awkward. While you did meet these girls on your own and you weren't introduced and setup by friends, you did go with a friend to meet those girls. I would have given even more props if one could that on their own. I feel like if my friend were with me and we were looking for girls to find, talk to, and be with, I would do well too. The problem is that my friend is someone that enjoys the party life, drinking, etc. He doesn't smoke though, but nevertheless he is still into the type to the atmosphere that I am not into. For the record, I am currently a 19 year old student at a community college. I'm someone that doesn't enjoy partying, drinking, or smoking, which is like the most popular thing to do around my age group. I know way too many people from high school that have changed completely and became party animals and potheads just because they are in college now (University/Dorming to be specific). I prefer having a girl with similar interests with me and I'd like start that off by being with a girl that doesn't party that much and doesn't smoke. The hard thing about that is that there aren't a whole lot that are like that, well, not a whole lot who are attractive that do that. I'm not completely superficial, but I'm not going to sit here and tell you looks don't matter because they do.
So true. I've known many people who did not have any relationships until after 20, or even 30, and were able to have great ones in the end. It's not the end of the world and there are a lot of people in your situation. I don't think "too ugly" or "too fat" is the end of the world - any mature/decent woman should be able to get past the looks thing. But you have to not be shy, not carry that type of baggage (I have seen too many people - especially if they don't have roommates or a good friends circle - get permanently fused with their little shell), and also look at who you are picking to pursue. Dating websites work for some people, and that's great. Some of us would rather know how well we get along with people in person before we even start picking partners out of the mix. My advice is to make sure to have a life. Stay busy. Go home to sleep; unless you have a bunch of friends hanging around your house, try to spend the rest of your day and evening hanging out elsewhere. College campuses are good if you're taking classes, participating in activities, or otherwise have a reason to be there. Join clubs, activities, teams, performing arts groups, church groups, community service groups, whatever is your cup of tea. And pick someone from your circle of acquaintances and friends. That way you have already gotten a start on knowing each other.
I don't think too ugly or fat is a dealbreaker for a man (...all I need is a mirror), but for someone who has issues talking to people, that might be a big mental hurdle to get over, even if reality is different than what's imagined. I think optimal6 has the nice guy syndrome. When I was there, I had the preconceived notion that anyone who didn't meet my standards meant their flaws were on them. I was being arrogant, controlling and passive aggressive without even realizing it, and it held me back on meeting new people. You don't need to drink, but it makes things easier when you're starting out. If you're starting out or get red fast, who cares? No one really does because they're too drunk. As for parties, they're more social gatherings with people who have a wide range of different expectations. You don't have to drink there either. The entertainment's already set up. It's one of the best ways to meet people in college, though joining clubs and meetups sounds like the safest thing to do for him...except when talk with newfound friends lead to, you guessed it, parties and drinking. PS. I travel more often now, and I hate dating websites, though your mileage may vary. My reason is that you're flipping through profiles like a product to consume. And when you start comparing things, you devalue one over the other despite the fact that you'd be perfectly fine with either if you had met in real life. I think it's called the paradox of choice or something. I recommend being mindful about that to anyone who's on it.
You are correct. I do have some preconceived notions about certain people. I'll give you an example. I don't like girls that have the cartilage piercings, because usually girls that have it only have it because everyone else has it, not because they want it. Now, I am sure there are some girls out there that were one of the first to get it and just simply like it, but generally speaking, I do make stereotypes about them. I know it's not always right, but it's something that I believe has a correlation to it. I don't like people that follow trends and go with it especially if they don't even like it. It has always been a major turn off for me. If I was looking for a girlfriend, which is supposedly one of my quests, parties and drinking is the legitimate last place I am looking for. I post on another site and this thread has referred to it many times and it is the misc. A lot of people on the misc. are very negative towards woman, always call them sluts because they cheat on them and whatever. The reason why this is the case is because they all pick the wrong girls to be in a relationship with. They all get their girlfriends from bars, college parties, and through drinking events and that's the worst place to look for a girlfriend because those girls are just looking to get laid and slut it up and nothing else. I may be stereotyping again, but it's surely an accurate one. The best bet I would have is if I were to meet a girl that was forced to go there by her friends or a girl that is a designated driver or something, not someone that is messing around and getting drunk all the time. I have no idea what your solution is, but if you're telling me to go to these stupid parties that I have legitimately no interest in going to then you aren't helping me solve anything cause I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to go against my values and what I believe in and what I want to do just to "fit in" or all this other bull****.
