How about putting some iron pellets on a plate and pouring bird seed over the pellets. Then hide a horseshoe magnet in the basketball. When Kelvin eats the birdseed, he'll also down the iron pellets and therefore follow the basketball whereever it goes. Gosh, I swear I've seen this same thing somewhere else before. Oh well...Acme basketball shoes might help also!!
put rubber cement all over his hands. Then maybe he won't drop so many passes or have his dunks blocked. The only problem is he might get called for palming a lot. But then Rudy T can yell at the refs that "everyone does it anyway."
As someone mentioned, trade for Charles Oakley. Maybe Larry Smith should start living up to his nickname during big man drills.
