Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my t*** and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML Today, I spent $400 at the stripclub and got 4 phone numbers. I as walked out of the club, I noticed it was tranny-night. FML Today, I was at my friend's younger brother's birthday party, who also happens to be deaf. His father gave him a bat and a blindfold and the boy started swinging away at what he thought was the pinata. Unfortunately, he could not see or hear anyone shouting to stop hitting his father. FML
Today, I wake up, switch on TV and the first thing I see is the picture of a wanted rapist who looks just like me. I’m afraid to leave home. FML Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on… for half an hour. FML Today, I fell asleep in the train. When I woke up, everybody was staring at me with a strange smile. I'll probably never know what I did. FML Today while I was out I was having a drink with a pretty girl. She started looking at my crotch and said smilingly “there’s something burning down there”. I smiled, but she insisted. Ashes had set my trousers on fire. FML Today, I waited two hours for my turn in the hospital. I was sitting next to an old lady with Alzheimer who asked me 43 times if I wanted a biscuit. FML Today, driving test. I spent 30 minutes with the handbrake on. FML
Today, i went to the grocery store got to the counter it was time to pay and realized i left my wallet at home..FML Today, i was wearing this shirt that says "wanna pet me" and this guy walks up to me and grabs my boobs..FML
Today, I heard on the radio the rockets traded for the 2nd best center in the league. It turns out it was Erik Dampier....FML
