In Brazil, we met some kids from a nearby Favela (poor population area neighborhoods). We were near the entrance of the favela and there were guys with machine guns just standing around. We gave the kids an American dollar in return for a picture, but the guys with guns kept staring. Our guide, a Brazilian told us not to worry and he went to speak with them. He came back and told us they were wondering who we were and not to take pictures of them. The group of boys, who were playing soccer in the streets, ran away with the dollar after I took the pic. Our Brazilian friend, told us that those men worked for the drug lord that ran that favela. The hardest workers are the people who live in the favelas. The picture came out great!
A Muslim wedding. I didn't know the protocol and I learned I hate Indian food. Any spotlight. I prefer to be ackowledged for good work at the team level or privately.
You can love him or you can hate him, but TJ is F****in hilarious. This was his James Frey version by the way.
Once a year at the doctors office. There's not a more uncomfortable feeling than walking in, waiting for the doctor, and staring at the glove and ky jelly sitting on the table. On the plus side my doctor is a female so her finger is smaller.
Well, let's see... In a previous job, I would travel a lot. Our biggest clients were state governements, and I did two installations at prisons: one at the Stringtown medium security unit in Stringtown, OK. And another at the Wynne unit (maximum security prison) in Huntsville. I was pretty uncomfortable at those places. Ten years ago, I stood at the alter in a Catholic church in front of God and a crowd of people and pledged a lifelong commitment to the woman I love. I was uncomfortable there. I've been to baby showers. They're always uncomfortable. At a previous job, I felt uncomfortable when the contract I was working on was collapsing. We were at a client site (Compaq) and my friend and I managed an internal webmaster team. Compaq busted him storing pron on their servers and had him escorted out of the building. I was left trying to salvage the jobs of our team and the Compaq contract. I did not succeed. When I was 20 and living with my parents, on the night before my mom's birthday, I snuck my girlfriend up into my room. We fell asleep and the next morning I tried (unsuccessfully) to sneak her out of the house. My mom busted me sneaking a girl out of the house on her birthday morning. hhmmm... I could probably think of a dozen more...
one time i got arrested in sutton county (west texas - sonora). i was locked up with an 6'5'' ex-cop who was doing 90 days for imbezzelment, a puerto rican drug runner, a guy who was high on pcp, beat up a cop and did $2,000 worth of damage to a squad car, only to have about 5 of his teeth knocked out by the cops and a felony dwi who looked like bill dautrieve from king of the hill. each guy warned me not to sleep with my mouth open if i took a nap during the day b/c the others would stick their ding-a-ling in my mouth if i did. it was kind of like an abbot and costello routine. each guy would come up seperately and go "hey, hope you dont sleep with your mouth open cause that guy will stick something in there". unfortunately, my beard was looking quite full and manly at the time. however, what "free" society deems to be manly (see chuck norris), people in jail deem quite the opposite. "that beard makes your mouth look like a vagina" in the end, i was there for about 12 hours and didnt take a nap. we played some bones and i even read a couple chapters out of a cheap romance novel that one of the guys let me borrow. i imagine if i had taken a nap it probably would have been a little more uncomfortable, but by jail standards it could have been a hell of alot worse (harris county - gladiator level). actually, the most uncomfortable part of the whole thing was having to strip down and do the "squat and cough" before going into the cell. lesson learned - if your going to get arrested make sure its out of the big cities.
I usually feel uncomfortable in most social situations. Unless I know all the people involved really well.
One time I was visiting (not attending) a drug rehab center in China, run by a PLA (army) guy who was pretty hard ass, and he has to be because he deals with junkies all day. There were about 60 of us in the room and there was a table in the middle where the guy was sitting and a lot of us had to sit in these big comfy chairs around the outside of the table. So i was sitting in this chair directly behind this guy, and he was speaking in fast mandarin so I didn't understand everything and it was really hot. The chairs were covered in plastic and when I started to sweat, it got bad. I was dozing off but when I jerked awake, the sound of me moving on the seat made a familiar sound. My friend turns to me and whispers (did you just rip ass???) and we couldn't stop laughing even though we knew that this guy could snap and beat the snot out of us. It just got worse too, because everyone was sweating and whenever someone moved, it sounded like farts. It was starting to smell bad too, so I think someone really was ripping ass. It was one of those situations where you just DON'T LAUGH, but circumstances make it so you just have to. I tried biting my tongue, but that didn't work at all. Another time, me and my liberal friends were engaging in some flag burning, throwing eggs on soldiers and supporting the regimes of hitler and terrorism. However, we saw this guy with HUGE pythons drive by in a fancy SUV. The side of his car said, "The Conquistador!". He just looked at us and we all stopped. I think we all thought we were going to die. I have never felt as uncomfortable, it was comparable to staring at Chuck Norris when he's angry (only one person can live to tell seeing chuck norris angry, and that is Chuck norris, because he saw his reflection once). I still crap my pants whenever I see the letters "CON", oh crap just by writing it, I crapped my pants, gotta go.
I once played on a hockey team that had one really creepy old guy as the assistant coach. He took long showers in an open shower room...long enough for say - everybody else to shower while he had his. It was pretty uncomfortable...to say the least. My first day in Guatemala (i was there for 6 months)...i got lost about half an hour from where i lived - it was uncomfortable trying to ask for directions with a travelling dictionary. I later learned to speak Spanish a bit better, but that day and others like it where i found myself unable to communicate effectively were quite uncomfortable. The night i had in a holding cell...uncomfortable. When i was in Grade 11, my parents seperated out of the blue and then eventually got divorced. An aquaintance at school once jokingly said "i'm going to screw your mom, and she'll like it so much that she'll leave your dad."...well, it was my dad who left my mom - but it was pretty uncomfortable, because i knew he never meant to hit on a touchy subject...but he did. Kinda like when someone says a momma joke to somebody who's mother has deceased...simply uncomfortable. Having bird poo land on me while i was at Niagara Falls...didn't like walking around with that on my shirt...so until i was able to buy a new shirt, it was pretty uncomfortable.
Victoria's Secret stores. I only go in there when my wife makes me. Inevitably, she wants to go try something on and I am left by myself wandering around the racks. As soon as I am alone, all the sales people start coming up to me and it's clear they think I'm either a perv who wants to look at panties or some kind of cross-dresser looking for the Matron section or whatever the female equivalent of XXL is. Thing is, the more you say I'm just waiting for my wife the more suspicious they get until my wife actually comes out of the dressing room and asks me "why do you look so uncomfortable."
I'm pretty much uncomfortable in any social situation when I'm with people I don't really know. Of course, a little alcohol usually loosens me up. I went out with a buddy this weekend and he took me to a college party. He's my age but he's getting his doctorate from UH, so he still goes to all the parties. I was about 10 years older than pretty much everyone there. I didn't really have a good time.
hmm, i'm gonna have to go with the time i sharted at work. ummm, yea, that's usually at the top of the list.
Get real. You kissed your biceps because you are the only person on planet earth who can handle the stink coming from your armpits!
