Sick, twisted, and hilarious. The only way to top that would've been to leave your droppings outside and let some maggots manifest, THEN send it to her.
Whew! After reading RocketmanTex's birthday present story, I don't feel nearly as bad about throwing a tall glass of urine in the front seat of a car that was taking up 3 parking spaces in a former garage that I used. Thank you Tex, for that uplifting story. It is stories like these that display the honor and dignity of the human spirit.
RocketMan Tex, that was great! I've been fired once. I was working as a temporary lab tech down at Fina in Deer Park. (Unless things have changed a lot in the past eight years, don't work there. ) Usually they moved you into a permanent position eventually. I had been there a month. To this day, I don't know quite what I did to deserve it. I think the guy who was working with me just decided he didn't like me. He caught me looking up from my work once and yelled at me, but it was an isolated incident and nothing anybody else wouldn't do. I just had a really bad feeling, like I wasn't fitting in, and was already looking for other jobs. The supervisors told me one day that it was my last day and never would give me a good reason why. Even though I was relieved to be out of there, I was still upset. I was 21 and there was no proof yet that I could actually succeed in the real world. (I might have succeeded there if I had been better at taking abuse and letting people treat me like dirt... I wasn't rude or anything, but somehow I always manage to roll my eyes or something and people know that I don't like the way they're treating me.) The last person I talked to said, "go back to grad school, you're too smart to be doing this." Not something I was used to hearing, but it sounded good right then. I tried it and have had no trouble since, but I was paranoid for years after that. Should have given the jerk who got me in trouble a birthday box.
Please let me know if anyone needs assistance in recreating the birthday box routine. I know lots of great burrito places around town!
You shouldn't feel bad about that at all. While I've never done that, I've fantasized about it as I write nasty notes to put on their windshield. NEW FOUND RESPECT.
I'm too lazy to deserve any job, so the fact that I haven't been fired before probably owes to my five years in the military, where they can't "fire" you unless you commit some egregious violation.
You should start your own eBay business. Charge extra for extra 'ingredients.' Corn kernels - $1 Lettuce bits - $2 And when you are constipated, you can let everyone know your backroom is currently backed up with all the loads of work. Or when you have the runs, you can have a liquidation sale.
Well, I'm not as cool as you guys, in that I don't use my own waste products, but... I often send those prepaid business reply envelopes (from stupid junk mail) back from whence they came with dog turds inside.
I take up two spots in my office complex's parking garage everyday. Of course I do it in the MOST remote section of the garage, the highest level where only the stragglers who come in at 9am park. I feel that is the only time it is justified.
That has to be one of the funniest stories I've ever heard! I have a new respect for you, RMTex. We may not agree politically, but clearly we agree on the important things....like the need for REVENGE.
I worked for Exxon as a contractor once and got pulled from the contract (didn't get fired from the contractor, just the contract). A supervisor explained to the department that a certain procedure was not technically possible. I kept my mouth shut during the meeting but at lunch, as a service to the people who worked for my contracting agency, I explained to the others working for my company how the procedure WAS technically possible and proceeded to show them how to do it. Nobody said anything when the supervisor walked into the computer room just as I was finishing my demonstration. If I had known it would have been that easy to get out of that job, I would have showed that guy up MONTHS earlier. I went through the training program for Olive Garden and at the end of the week, the manager told me that I was not going to make it as a waiter and let me go. That afternoon, I got a job at Willie G's on Post Oak and worked there for a year, becoming one of the best waiters they had. It was my last day at my first job at Astroworld. School was starting the next week and I was ready to go back to school after working a **** job in a sno-cone stand for the entire summer. I went to my favorite nacho stand where a friend of mine worked and he insisted on giving me a free plate of nachos. Apparently, a "loss prevention specialist" was in line behind me and I got called out of the sno-cone stand 15 minutes before my shift ended so they could let me go. LOL
I've never been fired, but they just moved a big project from our production site to one of the offices in California, and a lot of people were layed off in the process... It's a pretty scary deal...
Have I ever been fired? twice Once after I got my ear pierced. Was working at a high class restaurant in Huntsville (well as high class as a Huntsville restaurant can get) and the owner didn't want me waiting tables with my ear ring in. Walked off the shift right then and there in front of customers. Some actually applauded. Second time was kind of embarrassing. Got caught buying pot from one of my co-workers on the job. Pretty stupid.
You think that's crazy? When I was in the Marines, one of the guys in my platoon who hated my guts pissed on my doorlocks when we were TAD at NTC Great Lakes. He ran around boasting about to boot, which made me mad as hell. I had to haul out a blowdryer just to defrost my locks enough to drive away... So instead of getting mad, I got even. We were back at Camp LeJeune in the middle of the summer and it was about 100 outside with 100 percent humidity. The same b*stard who peed on my door locks left his windows in his car slightly cracked. So I got a friend to give support by holding me by the belt, and I took a whizz all over the inside of his car. I coated everything with a nice hosing, since I'd just gotten through drinking several pitchers of beer. Moral of the story: I don't get mad, I get even. I got fired from my hotel job when I was in college when they called me to work six straight night audit shifts (11 pm until 7 am in the morning, when the freaks really come out. I kept my scattergun under the counter in case of an all-too-frequent robbery attempt, my Glock .45 in a SOB holster and a large ASP collapsible baton hidden neatly in my pocket) in a row when this absentee b*stard kept making up excuses why he couldn't come into work. I told them that I had to pass my classes and couldn't do it working more than three days a week, as we had agreed when I took the job. They told me to get lost when I told them, no I can't come in, they scheduled me anyway and then I didn't show. I was fired the next day.
