TS is wrong, beards are extremely in with indie hipsters. You will be pulling Natalie Portman-type ass in no time, just like devendra banhart.
Not that there's anything wrong with "gayest," but I'm pretty sure you mean awesomest. It is the awesomest thing you have ever read. You will never be the same.
Intrigued by your theory, and wanting to replicate your stated results in laboratory conditions, I did some follow up internet research (which we all know is the best kind) on your claim. This video does indeed lend it credence: hipster doofus + insouciant sacrilege + beard does appear to = Natalie Portman. Further research, however, casts doubt. Not work appropriate (tiny bit of language, terminal awkwardness): <object width="512" height="328" classid="clsid:d27cdb6e-ae6d-11cf-96b8-444553540000" id="ordie_player_5ef1adb57b"><param name="movie" value="http://player.ordienetworks.com/flash/fodplayer.swf" /><param name="flashvars" value="key=5ef1adb57b" /><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed width="512" height="328" flashvars="key=5ef1adb57b" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" quality="high" src="http://player.ordienetworks.com/flash/fodplayer.swf" name="ordie_player_5ef1adb57b" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed></object><div style="text-align:left;font-size:x-small;margin-top:0;width:512px;"><a href="http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/5ef1adb57b/between-two-ferns-with-zach-galifianakis" title="from Comedy Deathray, Between Two Ferns, Natalie Portman, and Zach Galifianakis">Between Two Ferns With Zach Galifianakis</a> from <a href="http://www.funnyordie.com/between_two_ferns">Between Two Ferns</a></div> Revised theory: perhaps a beard is necessary, but not sufficient? Turns out, a hipster beard won't even keep Fiona Apple from getting all angsty again. Growing a beard only ensures Will Oldham-level trim (NSFW: language)? If so, entirely disappointing. I'd already thrown out my razor and everything. Perhaps the sacrilege in the first video is also necessary? Or the Bollywood production levels? I'm still refining the Portman formula; please cc your results as well. G**D*** this thing itches.
If you walk around Williamsburg, Brooklyn..literally every guy on the street has a beard. I'm not referring to the Hasidics who live there either.
Pffft. Unscientific! Tainted sampling: Reading about what works picking up the wee lasses does me no good out here in BFE. A pox on your science: Focus: we're after Natalie Portman-level hoo-ha here. Who cares what 76 random British women care about anything? Seriously, though, wouldn't a study that favors men with stubble [but not the clean-shaven or fully-bearded] just point to mental image correlation with the mornings after one-night stands? Sort of like how most young men find alcohol on the breath to be the most erotic in women, even over the smell of toothpaste, because they most usually encounter it on the drunk girls they skeeved on the night before? I like how this is worded. Dr. Nick personally carried out the study, growing out his stubble each morning until Dr. Shields finally banged him. Now he wants to go global. Now we're talking. I've seen Ms. Portman on Letterman before, so I assume she's familiar with the Brooklyn trendsetters. I must infiltrate this world to further my research. In addition to the beard already growing, I've started a regime of bulimia and non-prescription oversized eyeglasses. Are wallet chains in again?
I've probably had a beard for 30 of my 37 "adult" years. Got the "goatee" thing going for about the last 15 years.
