Got hit with the marriage ultimatum... deadline coming up soon

I have a couple of friends who got the ultimatum and it was the kick in the ass they needed. Both said 'yes' and have been happily married for 10 + years. (actually -- one said 'maybe' she dumped him...and then he came crawling back -- smartest thing he ever did because she's an amazing girl).

Somehow...we guys aren't quite as anxious to get married at that age -- especially if she's already moved in .

Had she posted on some women-centered bbs that her boyfriend of a couple of years was OK with mommy dropping in unannounced, and he wasn't getting her a ring -- the advice to her would be to straighten him up with regards to his mom and give him a deadline for a ring if she still wanted him!

So....only the OP knows what to do. Is she the girl for you? Looks like she doesn't want to wait until you feel you have your crap together.

 

Really? Wow....

Why in the world would you be in competition with his mother? Why in the world should he be upset because his parents dropped by? Is there something wrong with them?

This makes absolutely no sense to me.

To the OP: get out, man. I was raised by my grandparents. My parents were divorced. My mom worked full-time to care for me and my dad died when I was in my teens. My grandparents are all dead, too. I am an only child. I am all that my mother has left. Out of the committee of people who raised me, she is all that I have left.

Momz and I are close, and it's going to stay that way.

 

If you come from a traditional family culture, the decision is obvious. A woman who can't respect your mother (she doesn't have to like her) will ultimately force you to choose between them.

 

Bump

We want reports of how it goes this weekend RM.

 

careful dude mom is the most important woman in your life, if a wife is gonna try to compete instead of being co number 1's you gotta forget that, I know from having an older brother who married a lady who doesn't like our mom it got pretty ugly and now we don't even see him on christmas anymore it's pretty bad but when you do get married you can't revert and if the wife and mom clash it's game over unless you have enough money to admit defeat, give up half and start over. Good luck

 

I don't think one should impede the other

Rocket River

 

if her relationship with your mother hasn't made significant improvements over 2 years... it will not get to where you want it to be. this is a deal breaker for me. like you, i was raised by a single mom. any girlfriend who doesn't like her (hasn't happened yet) would be let go.

her clock is ticking, and i'm sorry to say this but you might have let things go on a bit too long. IMO not getting along with immediate family is a deal breaker from the start. for her sake (because women need to find a man and start a family sooner than men to...typically) you need to let her go get on with her life.

 

Any good Mom knows that, once her son marries, she is no longer the most important woman in his life and she lets him go. Doesn't mean they can't get along, but the wife should be #1 and mom #2.

It's what they call being an adult.

 

Going ring shopping with her while you still aren't sure is nuts. It does not sound to me like you are doing this for the right reasons. Be careful.

 

As a Mom, I understand that. BUT, I sure hope my boys marry girls who want to be around me. This one sounds pretty controlling and high maintenance to me.

 

What she said.

You're really not thinking this through, man....imho.

Best of luck to you.

 

This is just plain SAD. So SAD. There is absolutely NO HOPE for HUMANITY.

 

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I agree like 1000000000%

 

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Totally..
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You really really need to think this through long and hard...
Don't rush into something you will later regret because you are mad pressured/stressed

 

Lol, here's my advice for him, blah blah blah nonsense blah blah blah nonsense lah blah blah nonsense blah blah blah nonsense blah blah blah nonsense lah blah blah nonsense blah blah blah nonsense blah blah blah nonsense lah blah blah nonsense blah blah blah nonsense blah blah blah nonsense lah blah blah nonsense

Oh and you're gonna do what you already planned to do anyways.

 

Hi, man, was that something you should really concern ?

You seem to need more time to make up your mind and to reach the break-out point. Choose between your mom and girlfriend. I agree with Invisble Fan 'A woman who can't respect your mother (she doesn't have to like her) will ultimately force you to choose between them.' Giving a thought of your situation, if your girl failed to recognize your relationship with you mom and comply with it, I would not predict a bright future between you and your grilfriend and between you and your mom and between your mom and your grilfriend.

Just give a thought of what would happen if you break up with her? Would you regret for the rest of your life?

If Yes, you might want to devote your life to her and try your best to work on the relationship between her and your mom. Tell your mom how you feel about her and she's the one you want to live with and ask your mom for mercy.

If No, emmmm.....

I just turned to 30 three days ago. Marriage theme just knocked on my door and I was kindly asked by my girlfriend's family, my family and eventually my grilfriend. Though we're not in the same situation, we're similar.

 

BUMP.

Nicely played, sir, but... eh, are you saying that my advice was "blah blah"? Or that your advice and mine don't count at all and he'll end up doing what he wants anyway? I was going to post: "Dude. If you were going to do this all along, what was the F#)*&#$&($*&#@*($&KING point of asking us what to do? " but I didn't.

Anyway, his going "ring searching" with the female with whom he has doubts further lets me know he won't listen to us.

 

Honestly,

Why not talk this over with your mom?

DD

 

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