Got hit with the marriage ultimatum... deadline coming up soon

At 30, she may be starting to feel the biological clock ticking. In her mind, if you get engaged now, it will take a year to plan and have the wedding, followed by a couple of years before trying to have kids.

By the point that you start trying, she is about 35, and she probably doesn't want to start trying later than that.

If you don't want to have kids in the next 5 years, you need to tell her that.

 

Two problems right away:

Jealousy - huge insecurity issues here this crap never never goes away
Marriage pressure - even bigger insecurity issue

I would seriously give this some thought DO NOT BE PRESSURED!

 

haha.. i lol'ed

 

That ish had me rolling. LOL

 

How about when you propose to her you say "Will you be mine...? Buuuuut, on 2 conditions?" Since ultimatums are okay to use, and ALWAYS adds comfort to marriages..

Or you can tell your girlfriend you're Italian, and in Italy men live with their parents into their 30s and continue to have strong bonds with their mothers throughout life....

If she has a child, if she's close to her family you think she's gonna keep her family distant? It would just be a mom swap, imo...less of your mother being around and more of her's around.

 

I agree with the pre-marriage counseling route. If you love her and are seriously contemplating spending the rest of your life with her, asking her to go to pre-marriage counseling seems reasonable.

See if you can work through your issues. The friction between you, your girlfriend, and your mom sounds like something that really needs to be addressed by all of you. Maybe having a mediator can help the two of you communicate about that and anything else (kids, handling money, etc.). And you'll probably have to discuss stuff and set boundaries with your mother as well. If you can't resolve them in counseling, then maybe you should end the relationship.

I can understand feeling defensive about an ultimatum like that, but you can try to turn that into a positive. Good luck!

 

Why'd you get married if you didn't think it would last?

 

If she does not get along with your mom and you are close with her, it probably will not work out.

Move along little doggie !

DD

 

I've been married almost 10 years and been with my wife for almost 17 years... she's never given me an ultimatum.

I'd say it's not going to work out since she already has ideas of it not working. If you aren't both committed 100% it wont work out.

 

pre-marriage counseling FTW

 

In my opinion, his mom.

 

This.

 

#1. The automatic answer to a marriage ultimatum is no. Full stop. Marriage is too important a decision to allow yourself to be forced or cajoled into.

#2. If you think she has mother-in-law issues now, you have no idea what awaits you on the other side.

#3. You need to find a girl that gets along with your mom and loves her. When you find that girl and if you marry her, make sure you put her first in your life, not your mom. Too many men make that mistake. You can't be a good husband and momma's boy at the same time. Love and respect your mother, but the wife comes first.

 

Dump her...but also stop being such a momma's boy.

 

Besides it all sounding a bit weird (Ultimatums, wanting mom's approval, etc)

A) Sounds like you are maybe making excuses to put it off. If you're not sure, then you don't just do it because you're told to... and telling her stuff like "Well, I have to make sure my parents approve" isn't going to help the relationship, between any of you.

B) if you have to get your parents approval, it sounds, again, like you aren't sure. This is something YOU decide for yourself. She doesn't tell you, and they shouldn't be an approval committee. Input? sure. Approval? sounds like an excuse.
C) if you're not sure, it's not time to get married. Tell her you're not ready.

If this is important to you not to lose her, let her know that, too. The premarital counseling might be win win. At least give you a window that you're comfortable with, that isn't decided solely by her, to decide if it's even something you want.

 

In response to the question by KingCheetah, "Is the sex better with your mom or girlfriend ?"

I'm suprised it took someone that long. The board is slipping.

 

Sounds like TC is giving himself excuses to hold off on marriage for a bit longer.

Then again, sounds like TC's girlfriend has jealousy/insecurity issues..

 

amen.

 

i was thinking the same thing.

women are naturally in competition with other.
its like an unspoken rule no matter what the situation is.
it can be over simple stuff like kitchen appliances to of course shoes
to as in your case... you.
she wants to be with you but she fears that you'll let your mom run your life and thats probably why she has issues with her but loves you enough to try to get along with her also.


sry i had to do it

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Repeat this line. There are always going to be challenges but one that you know about up front and can't get resolved satisfactorily in two years is a red flag. How explicit have you been with her about what you perceive the problem to be?