Yes, but for the girl to know that you think sexual intimacy means exclusivity, you have to tell her. The girl isn't going to magically know what your values concerning exclusivity are.
I don't disagree but I don't quite agree. I do agree that early communication would have made all this moot. However, the type of person I am and the type of girl I'm looking for... something like this doesn't need to be said. There is nothing magical about it. It's just how we are brought up. Not better or worse... just how it is. If I am intimate with someone and I continue to see them on an ongoing basis... to me that means a relationship... and a relationship means exclusivity.
Well, it's obvious the guys in here sleeping with multiple partners aren't going to change their mind, so I'll stop arguing. I'm not really interested in arguing pezmonger's exact situation since no one here knows it but himself and his girl (and possibly a multitude of other dudes she might be banging...just kidding), but I will say that as a general case, if I'm with a girl for 3 months and there has been sex involved and neither one of you has discussed whether or not it would be cool to sleep with/date other people...well, I think a person owes it to their partner to at least bring it up before they start sleeping around. Assumptions go both ways. You say you can't assume that your partner feels it's an exclusive relationship. I say you can't assume that your partner thinks it ISN'T an exclusive relationship. You talk about it, and go from there. You don't **** some other girl/guy and use the "oh well you didn't ask" defense down the line. That's juvenile. Anyone that does that couldn't possibly feel the relationship they are in has a future anyway so they don't care if it hurts the other person when/if they find out. Anyway, as I mentioned before, neither side will persuade the other in this situation so I will duck out.
I wish I could agree with you on this, but maybe I have been too jaded. I have met one too many quiet, reserved, "good girls" that turned out to undercover freaks when they were comfortable enough with me to share their sexual habits/history. There used to be a time I was naive to it, but I no longer believe you can decipher someone's sexual proclivities based on how they act in every day life. That's just what I've learned from my personal experience.
If you are hanging out and doing other "couples" kind of things other than just hooking up on the weekend and doing biznit - the you are in a relationship unless otherwise stated. Seems pretty straightforward to me.
Being freaky in bed and with the person you love has nothing to do with being sexually promiscuous. Just because you like it like Hathaway doesn't make you a ho. So that's not what I meant. I *want* the good, reserved girl to trust me enough to open up to me and be my dream girl in bed. I just don't want her being the dream girl in someone else's bed.
Yeah, I understand what you meant, and the point I was trying to convey was that some of the promiscuous girls I have gotten to know are the last ones I would have thought would act like that until they told me some of their exploits. Now, I'm not saying that all "good girls", or even the majority of them, are hiding some kinda sordid sexual past or present activity. I'm just saying that I personally have seen this situation enough times to no longer be remotely surprised by it (and believe me, it definitely jarred me the first few times and threw my tender psyche through a loop).
Look, they didnt have the relationship talk, so she was free to go and sleep with a dude. That is perfectly fine. However, the type of girl Id be looking for wouldnt be pounding two rods at the same time. It doesnt matter what kind of talk they had...if the girl I was sleeping with, slept with another dude during that time period, I'd look at her like a slut and treat her the same way. There would be no future.
you do, you don't, you do, you don't...who knows what you're trying to say? Maybe you are open about it, when forced to be, if its part of some agreement, and you willingly want to disclose it. At the end of the day, I'm quite confident that you are sleeping around on women you are in relationships with, not telling them in some, if not most cases, and justifying it as okay to yourself because there wasn't some agreement or talk about it beforehand.
Ok, I'm done holding your hand and trying to gently walk you to the conclusion. You obviously don't understand, and probably never will, and your approval or disapproval means pretty much nothing to me. Plus, quite frankly, your attitude sucks. Quit being such a judgmental, condescending little a-hole when you obviously can't even grasp key concepts on what we're talking about. I get your point, however trite and ill-formed it may be, but at least I respect your right to live your life that way instead of questioning your moral fiber WHEN I DONT EVEN KNOW YOU. Peace out.
Don't give up! You've made some great points. Sex is not the Life & Death sport it was a few years ago, but no one is volunteering to be HIV-positive either.... I find it shocking that people don't assume Fidelity rather than Promiscuity. So call me a Pilgrim.
