It can be.... dangerous... I just wasted 10 minutes trying to find the thread where that exchange occurred - failed.
Oh my. Really? Are we really in the day and age where you have to put up a neon sign saying you're bf and gf for someone not to go whoring around? If you're intimate for 3 months and you think it's okay to f*** somebody else then obviously you don't think that person's special. I would guess her #1 guy just got kicked off the team so she's hoping the 2nd option (you) can step up in his absence, probably around the time she started talking about love.
After reading this thread, I feel like I'm one of the only people on here who has ever been sleeping with two girls at one time, then decided to cut it off with one of them and start seriously dating the other. I never thought that scenario was too uncommon. I also never told the girl I started dating who it was specifically that I slept with - doesn't really seem like any of her business. But then again, she knew that we weren't exclusive and that I was seeing other girls at the time, so she always knew there would be the possibility that I was sleeping with someone else.
It isn't, especially from the guy perspective. I suspect we've just got a bunch of BSing high-horse riders in here.
Agreed, any of us dudes, short of being engaged, would seize any opportunity to get laid. I once did a girl who was engaged because she wanted a last strange wang. It didn't mean anything, she went through with her wedding.
Seriously? You rationalize your viewpoint by suggesting that most of the people in here that don't share it are hypocrites? So let me get this straight. You've been dating a girl for 3 months. There has been sex involved. No one has explicitly made the statement that it was an exclusive relationship. And you feel completely justified in sleeping with other girls without even the slightest inclination to ask the girl you have been dating if she considers your relationship exclusive or not? Isn't everyone always preaching about communication in relationships? But as long as it gives you a loophole to sleep with other girls, ignorance is bliss, eh?
There are 2 kinds of people - those that believe intimacy is exclusive and those that don’t. What you have here is the latter. There are girls like that and guys like that – hence why some guys are going 1 way with advice and other the other. But since she kept if from you for so long (not to mention that the reason for confession is not exactly pure), I suspect that she thinks she’s in the former and wants to be in the former but needs a “reason” since her actions put her in the latter. While you on the other hand sound like a former. I would suggest the formers date other formers and leave the latters to the other latters and let the latters create their own rules for what is “right”. Edit: Thank you Fatty!
Exactly. That's precisely the point - both of you knew that the relationship wasn't exclusive. Your terms were clearly defined. There's no argument there. She, however didn't clearly define the relationship. She essentially cuckolded him, to take a liberal sense of the word.
If this bothers you, you two probably are not sharing same value. You need to find someone who looks at these things from the same point of view, or you will run into more frustrating issues.
The tricky thing is, he never clearly defined the relationship either. It sounds like they were both going off of their own definitions. The girl thought sex did not equal exclusivity, whereas the guy did. He's going to have to look back and ask himself if it was reasonable for both parties to assume exclusivity at that point, even though it was never explicitly said. There are definitely situations where that is the case. Or he may have just incorrectly assumed that his belief that sex = exclusivity held true for her too.
if a guy acts like that he is a hoe, too. not all guys act like that, though. it's not that complicated. i'm frankly surprised that there are so many people here that think this kind of behavior is okay because there wasn't a sit down chat about exclusivity. From the sounds of it, they still haven't had that talk...because, should you really have to? They just both know now, right? Clearly, from the way people here think, I guess its common to have to explicitly say to your significant other that you want to be monogomous. I'm on the fence that, if you're in a committed boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with someone, regardless of whether you've had sex or said I love you, that it should be exclusive. What you should sit down and talk about is if it isn't your intention to be so - "I know we're 'dating', but I just want you to know I don't define exclusivity until [x] happens, so I may go out with some other people, or be sleeping with other people...fyi." If you're this person, the only reason you don't have this talk is because you believe the other person might not be okay with that, thus ending your relationship, your ability to bang multiple people at once, etc. I guess the OP's question is were they already boyfriend-girlfriend? Well, he has this timeline where time 0 represents something...I'm assuming the beginning of the dating relationship, no? As has been pointed out by others, there are a number of disturbing factors to consider. First, why she told you. Clearly, in HER mind, it was something to be ashamed of, embarrassed by and could hurt the relationship...which means she knows she was wrong. Second, the one night nature of it. She's with you 3 months before hitting the sack, with this guy just for one night. Is there anything wrong with one night stands? No...unless you are already in a relationship and having sex with someone else. And finally, the obvious sex with you, sex with someone else, sex with you. That is different than expecting every woman you date to be a virgin. That doesn't happen. But you should at least be able to expect, from a health perspective if nothing else, to know your partner's sexual history after you are together isn't continuing to grow. I think a lot of guys think it is okay to do this themselves when they are in a relationship, hence the responses. I don't think it is. If the OP is the type of guy who thinks this is okay to do to someone else himself, than I don't see how he could have a problem with it.
The only ignorant thing is making assumptions in a relationship.... and then holding it against someone later on based on your assumptions. This thread is so weird. I swear some of you are living in the 1950s or something. I've always found that putting expectations, especially unexpressed expectations, on someone can ruin a relationship in a heartbeat.
Why would you not tell the person you are dating that you are also dating/sleeping with other woman? I'm seriously curious, what is the reasoning for not telling them this?
Because clearly the girl would not be okay with it and he wants to be able to rationalize that they never expressed exclusivity.
