a one night stand alone is enough to dump the girl. what she did was crappy, no doubt. But you also never made the relationship definitive. Then again, her ability to find loopholes so that she can bang dudes is reason to worry. keep nailing her but feel free to date on the side
I tend to agree with this. Making assumptions about your relationship status is usually a horrible idea. Explicitly laying out your status and boundaries can save a lot of confusion. I would recommend doing this at any time you feel there has been a change in the status of the relationship because your partner may not be on the same timeline as you. In your case, you should've clarified things after you two had sex because that is when you assumed that the relationship changed. However, there are certain times when the exclusivity of a relationship is implied without there ever being an explicit agreement. I find it hard to believe that you two magically became exclusive the moment you said "I love you" at 5 months. I would imagine that the two of you were doing certain things and acting a certain way that implied exclusivity leading up to that point. However, that implied exclusivity may not have come until after the 3 month point when she slept with the other guy. If you can look back on your relationship and know with concrete certainty that it was implied between the two of you that you were exclusive before the time when she slept with the other guy, I would treat it as if she cheated on you. But, if you can see it from her side and understand how it was possible to think you two weren't exclusive at that point, then I would let it go. Also, like others have said in this thread, the only reason she told you was because he was going to run into the two of you. Whether or not that fact matters depends solely on how you answer the above paragraph.
I've usually been on the other side of this. I feel like if you haven't had a "talk" about being exclusive then one is free to date others. The difficulty I have had is that some women think its more romantic when you "just know". I wouldn't think it would be a dealbreaker if she has been faithful from the point where she realized that you two were a monogamous couple.
You got cheated on -- no matter how she spins it. That would not be tolerable to me, but it's your relationship.
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Another thing to consider is whether or not this is really the only guy she's been with since then. Maybe she's been with others but doesn't feel the need to tell you about them...until you're about to meet them, of course.
Thats a deal breaker for me...if you are having sex with a girl...and in the meantime, she has sex with another guy while still having sex with you...doesnt matter what the guidelines for the relationship were. Thats dirty.
This. When Jason and Tyrone show up at the Superbowl party, hopefully the girlfriend does not drop two more bombs on the guy.
Hmm, maybe she decided that she wanted to get some one last time before settling down (or settling?) with you? If that's the case, how does that make you feel? My concern would be if it was really a one-night stand, then she's the type of chick who would do a one-night stand (even while she is somewhat in a relationship). Us old-fashioned guys don't consider that the kind of girl you want to marry (to put it as delicately as possible). On the other hand, if she had a relationship with that guy, and in the end she picked you and your relationship...I think I'd be okay with that. You won, he lost, end of story. (hopefully)
That's what my ex-wife did. We met in August. By early November we were talking about getting married. Relax, my dad married my mom 30 days after meeting her on a blind date! Over Thanksgiving, she went out on a supposedly "casual" date with her sister and her boyfriend. My ex- ended up in the sack with this other guy. On an interesting side not, I went home with a roommate for Thanksgiving and did not sleep a wink that night-- never happened to me before or since. She came home with me over Christmas to meet my family. I found out about it in February or so. What a ****ty month. We were married the next May anyway. Ten years after getting married she cheats on me again. I stay for two more years to try and patch it up (we have two kids). No go. Divorce. I won't say "BIG MISTAKE" because I've got two beautiful children out of it but I spent a year or so of my life really hurting...
If there is no legal contract there's no breach of trust. If you want conditions, you need to at least have vocalized them. You really need to get an oral agreement where she says yes, specifically. Something like," OK lets don't do anybody else, then she blows you. That's why you sign stuff when you get married.
Dam, sry man; glad ur looking at the positive though...i guess what they say is true; once a cheat always a cheat...my way of thinking about it is, if they r willing to risk being with you for a one night stand then they probably don't care about you that much, or they are just really selfish; either case u got to let them go...the tough part is when they tell u it wont happen again, and when u love them u will probably believe any thing they say...love blinds u....
Implied contracts are subjective. She only has to live up to her own interpretation. And this dude better ask himself why she had to do this other guy. She might have thought the risk was worth the thrill. He might be the one's that inadequate.... in some way. If the guy can give her an orgasm and this dude can't, he's looking at a lifetime of temptation for this woman.
Or maybe they really weren't exclusive at that point? Hard to say without knowing more information. The OP is going to have to figure that out for himself. I'd sure like to know what he decides though, for curiosity's sake.
