You are getting two extremes as far as advice goes in this thread. I hope you realize that. I suggest that you watch "Good Will Hunting". Chasing after the girl may not be a bad idea. OTOH your maybe ex-gf may be hooked on match.com and may have to lose a bf to clue in. Dating works this way. You make mistakes; you learn from them; you move on. If it does not work out, don't beat yourself up. There are a million reasons why relationships fail. Don't take it personal. Rent "Swingers" and reload.
Well I was in a situation like this last weekend and I will tell you what I did and not like it has not been said already, but maybe you can see where you went wrong. I have been dating this girl and all the same things that happened to you happened to me. She talked of marriage, kids, moving in together, etc. Everthing was going great and we had the best times together. We never argued and just had the most fun together I have ever had with anyone in my life. Then last saturday we were talking and she tells me she does not want to continue with our relationship. I was absolutely STUNNED. This came completely out of nowhere and I felt like crap. But after she told me that I just said that I respected her feelings and that if that is the way she feels then there is nothing I can do about it and it was cool with me(even though I really didn't feel that way). You should NEVER get angry with a girl for feeling a certain way even if it breaks your heart. And as previously stated I believe the ultimatum was your worst mistake. If she feels that way you trying to pressure her is not going to make her come running back. So I just basically told her I respected everything she felt and that I was sorry it didn't work out. The reason my girl and I am almost sure your girl did this was they started to really think hard about what was going on and got scared. A lot of girls will say they want to get married etc. but then they really start to think about things to the point they scare themselves to death. Most of the time these girls have commitment issues. Maybe they have had a bad relationship in the past that has caused them to get scared when they get out of the "feel good" moment and start to think long and hard about what is going on and what they are saying and feeling. So after acting very nonchalant when she told me we should not see each other anymore I get a call later on that night. She told me then that she was wrong for saying those things and that she has commitment issues and just got a little scared when she started to think about everything that was going on. She then told me she does want to be with me and does not want to screw up the good thing we have going on. She promised me she would not do that again and things have been great ever since that day. I am sure if I had acted like you did we would not be back together right now. Life is full of lessons and I hope you have learned one from this and can use it in the future. Good luck in your future relationships bro.
well I had a hard time in english because of my horrible paragraphing so basically I stopped doing it all together. That is why I usually try to keep my responses to a minimum and I didn't realize my post turned out that long.
Allow me to retort! My Celtic horse: Me, when I am being charming: With the payoff! Yes, I'm a cool, Celtic android:
I am asking that myself every time I hear ONLINE DATING scenarios... right on... I see why the initial poster came to an online forum for help... he started this online... he wants to finish it online... he's in love, too, what a big surprise.
Very nicely done bro. To the original poster... read this post over and over again. This man was presented with almost the exact same situation as you, and he handled it perfectly. He passed her **** test with flying colors, and she ran back to him seeking further validation from a powerful, secure, man.
Okay - ya know what, telling a girl "this is how I feel & if you're not on the same page as me, we're done" is not bad. Fine - maybe it's technically an ultimatum, but it's freaking reality. Is he supposed to "give her space while on a break for her to figure things out?" That's nuts! They would both have to be two healthy, mature individuals to deal with that. That's usually not the case, and in the meantime, he's going to feel like ****. He's going to torture himself over & over thinking about what she's doing during this time. And 99% of the time, if she's asking for a break, it's gone to crap already. He took a stand & told her how he felt - that takes strength. It's not bad FOR HIM! Maybe it's bad for the relationship, but Christ, if she's NOT on the same page as him (sounds like they're not even in the same book) then as bad as it sounds, screw the relationship. I've been through too much of this myself. At the end of the day, you have only yourself to turn to & to answer to. Be honest with yourself & with her. No matter what her answer - you have no regrets man. Time will show you. Six months from now you'll look back and say, "okay, i laid it out there for her & she didn't want me. i have no regrets about leaving anything unsaid. it's her loss." Seriously - you did the right thing. If it was going to hurt you to sit around for God knows how long for her to make up her mind, then your "ultimatum" was the best thing you could have done. Now, if all you want is to continually feel this same pain - to try & get her back or just get laid by her - by all means take DD's or Burzmali's advice.
Oh, and for a girl to come back as in the situation above means that SHE is a healthy, mature woman who can see her own faults as well, and has the capability to grow and work with the man to make the relationship work. That's not exactly common & it has NOTHING to do with the guy. She had strong feelings for him and was mature enough to work through everything. It seems the original poster's girl is not. She hasn't called him back & is playing games again now that she feels validated that he would take her back. She is playing, he is not - he's being honest, open, and himself. Man, life would be so easy if people didn't play these selfish games with each other.
Now as far as dealing with your pain and getting closure I'll repost a response of mine to another thread on the topic from another BBS. Echoes a lot of what has already been said here: "Just my opinion. Closure has to come from within yourself - not from anything she will ever do. I know it sounds like some Zen Buddhist crap, but it's true. It sounds to me like YOU won't get closure as long as you have ANY contact. I think even contacting her just to tell her to stop contacting you will still leave you questioning yourself & regretting it. Maybe do what others have suggested here - don't answer anything & just pretend she is "dead" to you. It seems that there are two real paths to fully getting over it: enough time & distance or falling in love with someone else. You haven't had either, but it will happen. I haven't been the best about taking this kind of advice, but I do know that it works. I've been dealing with a similar situation for about six months - over a broken long-distance relationship. I thought that the way it ended didn't allow for any closure - it ended in a phone conversation about "taking a break." It wasn't until this last week, when I saw her again, that I got closure - and it wasn't from anything she did. I suppose I had been waiting for an apology or some sign that she had changed or wanted to make things work & put an equal effort into it. I got none of that. I finally just got fed up & acted. I made the decision to fully extricate her from any part of my life. Yeah, it still sucks and it hurts. I'm still down & regret some things, but less & less so every day. I realized I could have had "closure" back then if rather than pining for her, I had made the unilateral mental decision to move on and erase her drama & bull**** from my life, rather than wait for some miraculous act from her. So just stick it out, act by not responding to her, and in the meantime, let yourself get angry. It will help. Think about how rude & selfish she is. Think about how little regard she has for your feelings. Think about how she's running around with other men and treating them better than she's treating you. So let yourself get angry, but don't pour that anger & energy into any communication with her or in doing anything detrimental to your own health in the long-run. Pour it into work, working out, go get tanked & chase some women, enjoy your friends' company - whatever else makes you happy outside of her."
Nah, forget all that damn good advice Rocket G...you gotta put your foot down and slap them around a bit. Show 'em who's boss. Boy, I'm gonna go home and punch your momma in the mouth.
why do people keep giving me this stigma for meeting her online? I work 90 hours a week, its kinda hard to meet women in other ways these days. I never liked the bar scene anyway. as for coming to an online forum, I've been talking with everyone I know for advice on this matter in real life, and this is just a small extension of that once I run out of people to talk to.
Before meeting women online, you should consult with moestavern and Jesus. Apparently they know what they are doing.
