It's not typically something I do. Hell when I'm single I don't even chat it up with women. I just happen to be there waiting in line for a smoothie and we both couldn't decide what to get so I started discussing the options. Hardly qualifies as flirting, but of course I guess male ego would make me describe it a bit differently to a buddy as chattin it up.
I see your point. I assume you told her this. It sounds like you explained things to her (several times) well enough. Leave her alone about it for now. I suspect she is going to try to milk this for as long as possible as long as she feels she can get away with it. Ask her if you can take her out tonight (not as a way of saying sorry but because you want to take her out). If she says no then go out with the boys and tell her your not going to sit home on a Friday night.
That sounds more like marriage talk? I can see that working or being acceptable then, as you got a lot more to lose if you walk away, but in a one yr relationship? That's the kind of stuff that will prolong this, possibly piss her off more, and cause her to leave him. It's cool to make a stand, but i dont think he wants to push her out. She already has a legit reason to suspect he's getting tired of her and hitting on other women. To go out with his buddies like that to "not sit at home on a friday night" sounds like he's going out to have fun, which seems harmless enough, but i dont think it's showing he's worried bout the situation enough. Actually staying home, the opposite, may be a better move here. Now i'm not saying he should stay home like a sad puppy face or call her all night, but he should take the going out part easy for now. Just make yourself busy at home, maybe there's something you need to do there you've been putting off...it doesnt put you in a weaker position, yet let's her know you're not in a partying mood because things are bad between y'all.
That's the card you gotta play. I see what you're saying there, so make that the focus of your explanation. If that's the case then youre only guilty of exaggerating a convo with your buddy, not actually chatting up a girl, which still isnt a wise move, but that may be the difference between this leaving a dent in your relationship and her brushing it off. next time you call her/speak to her just explain that part, even if you already did you may not have emphasized it enough. Make sure she understands it never truly happened, except for during the chat.
I just think it sets a bad precedence if he keeps apologizing and she keeps stringing this along. Either get over it or don't but he did his part, explained the situation and reassured her it really is no big deal. At this point, she has her mind made up about what she is or is not going to do but she isn't going to tell him that if she can keep getting apologies and making him feel bad. I say if she can't move past it then he needs to go have some fun and let her know he isn't going to sit around and beg all weekend. It's a gamble but I suspect this is a crucial point in forming how she is going to treat him in the relationship. I've seen too many dudes grovel over stuff like this and spend the next 10 years in the dog house every time they are not perfect. Seize the power!!!!
I learned something very important when I went to counseling w/ my wife a few years ago. You or your s/o should never have to apologize for the way you feel, regardless if the other person intended to make the other person feel that way or not, and no matter how unreasonable you think that person's feelings are. The point is, if you did something that offended/hurt your s/o, apologize for it, explain it (i.e. that it was not your intent and that is just what guys do), etc. Again, this only if you truly love her and what to have a long term relationship with her. If you can't man up and say your sorry, then there isn't much hope for ya'll. Now if she is still mad even after the apology, then reconsider the relationship as forgiveness is another important part of a relationship.
I only read the first page, but ima is right. If she's jealous and insecure enough to get bent out of shape about this, then (again, based on what I read on the 1st page) there's an awful lot of emotional immaturity going on with her. And assuming what you said is true re: the whole thing being silly and innocent....then you might owe an apology for her hurt feelings, but the bottom line is that SHE invaded YOUR privacy, and that lack of trust that proceeded it gives you more of a right to be angry than her.
this is why u dont read just the first page...you didnt read the chat log he later posted from memory...or the part where posters mentioned it's not like she dug up his stuff, it's a comp shared by both and the chat popped up... I think the difference here is it's not about feelings, but actions. For example, you don't apologize for feeling angry within your relationship...because obviously something is causing it and youre not wrong or a bad person for having feelings....in this case it's more about actions and not feelings. He has to apologize for his actions, which caused the confusion.
So if my husband heard me over the phone or read a conversation I had on the computer that went something like this :: Oh, girl! I was at the store today and I saw this hottttt guy. I managed to get next to him on the aisle and we started chatting. Yeah, he was do-able. But I wouldn't, got my man at home. Some guys would be a little upset if their S.O. was saying/typing these kinds of things. BTW, tmac28k, did you talk to her?
On the contrary, I love women. That is why I go out of my way to put them where they belong. They are safe in the kitchen. And if this is your way of hitting on me, you are failing miserably.
Wow she sounds really... um what's the most polite way to put this... Let's just say it sounds like she has self esteem issues. I haven't read the whole thread yet, so before I answer your second question I want to see what the peanut gallery has to say.
i missed the part about her being 29....that affects things as well, she's not umm..over the top as someone suggested, but it's different from being 19 or 20. You don't want to waste your time with someone who's not taking the relationship seriously, since you're likely ready to truly settle down..
yes, just did. Happy to say we came to an understanding. I think she realizes alot of the chat log was more me talking to my buddy and talking up the whole thing and I let her realize what actually happen was just a small chat with a stranger. She said she doesn't want me talk to my friends like i'm single though which i understand. She's cooled off throughout the day, earlier she was still pretty mad, kept asking why i would want to talk to another girl if I have her already and how she is so scared I'm going to hurt her later on. I just had to sit down with her and tell her straight up that i saw her as a long term relationship and i wasnt going to ruin it by chasing some girl at the mall, that the conversation lasted like 30 seconds at most and that was it. I think she still has insecurities for sure about it and it will just take time for her to forget this whole thing but at least she still here and willing to work with me. Thanks for the input from everyone, it really helped me to see things from all different perspectives and not just my own, which is why we put personal stuff like this on discussion forums.
I'm glad you were able to come to an understanding. She'll always have those insecurities though until there's a ring on her finger and her last name matches yours.
Sounds like she's been wanting to break it off with you for some time now and she is using this as an excuse.
