Getting more comfortable with talking on the phone?

You know what's painful is when your bosses office is next door and he can hear you talk on the phone. I was horrible with the umms ahhhs. I'm much better now...partly cause I'm comfortable I know what I'm talking about.

 

Whatever you do, make sure you have good etiquette..

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/xbMBWWff4Jc&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/xbMBWWff4Jc&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

 

yo i myself am not a fan of phone conversations. that's why i actually enjoyed the school year, because then i could see the person easily if i wanted to have a conversation with them. but during the summer, if you have a romantic interest, you have to talk to them through the phone because im is not "personal enough."

sometimes before i'd dial their number, i'd think of topics of conversation just in case it stagnated. maybe that could help you. last summer, i just gave up on it and told the person that i'd rather talk over im (but then again, i was losing interest in her at the time).

to reassure you, the other person probably has the same anxiety. when you worry about being an uninteresting person because you can't find a talking point, the other person may have the same fear.

 

haha I used to do that as well... I remember an episode of Friends, where Ross was reading nutrition labels in the grocery store just to have something to talk about with his wife.

A relationship is great if you can speak to your friend and chat for hours, it sounds girly, but I seldom have the opportunity to do that, albeit I'm still young and I'm sure I'll eventually find someone who's able to correspond fluently and often.

In all seriousness, just babble.

 

I used to have the same problem. This was back when I was in my youth all the way up till age 23 or so. I would tense up, stammer and get all nervous on the phone for no logical reason. It was due to some sort of anxiety. In person I would do great, but for some reason or another I had a problem with the phone.

I have this therapist friend of mine, and he suggested I do desensitization therapy. Like you suggested, I would make countless practice phone calls to various stores just to get accustomed to talking on the phone. Like literally 20 practice calls in a day or so. After doing this for a year, I had no fear of talking to anybody.

Now, I literally am the most social person in the world. I talk to anybody and everybody. Even random strangers in the street. My life has changed around due to this. I used to be shy, but now my whole life has changed for the better.

Don't let those idiots say you are stupid for doing this. Most of these folks fail to realize that anxiety and social anxiety is an actual problem. These people lack simple courtesy and empathy.

If you are tensing up on the phone, try sending text messages to the girl at first. Once you get comfortable doing that start with simple phone conversations of under 2 minutes, and then build up.

If you are really tense, you can try medications that calm you down like Klonopin, but that usually is for very high pressure situations.

Albert Ellis was a famous psychologist who wrote this in his memoir about getting over his social anxiety

Email or PM if you need any more advice. I know what you are going through. Hang in there, it gets easier with age.

 

I’ve had a phobia of calling strangers on the phone for a long time.

Whether it be at work calling a vendor I’ve never dealt with before (even if I’m returning a call), or at home if I have to call a business to ask a question, inquire about a service, dispute a bill, etc. It just makes me edgy and sometimes I have to literally psyche myself up for a good half hour before I do it.

Whenever I have a task to do, I always hope I can do it via email or internet. Even my work email signature doesn’t have my phone # because I don’t want people calling me back with questions about any of my projects. I’d much rather they just email. I actually dread coming to work in the morning and seeing my little message light on my phone blinking.

I had no idea there was anyone else in the world that had these kinds of anxieties. I always thought it was just me and I was being completely irrational (which I probably am). FYI, I have no such anxieties when dealing with people in person. Quite the opposite, actually. It’s literally just the phone. And just with people I’ve never talked to before.

I think it goes back to when I worked as a Headhunter when I had to spend 8 hours a day cold-calling people at work and having them yell at me and ask me how I got their number etc. It was just miserable and I really think it’s sort of scarred me for life when it comes to calling people out of the blue.

 

I think the key is talking as little as possible. In other words let her talk. Call with a question or something about her that you needed, or wanted to know.

Try and empathize with her when you talk to her. If she says something about her day was great or sucked, or made her mad, just try and pretend like you are in her shoes or think of something that you liked, and tell her you would feel the exact same as she did in that situation. Ask for more details.

That way you aren't really talking so much. She is, and she'll be happy you are thoughtful enough to take an interest. The longer she's talking the more comfortable it should get. Your nerves and awkwardness should melt away after a while.

If you are still super awkward feeling, have a reason ahead of time that you can use to get off the phone. Saying harmless things with undue awkwardness and intensity can make it sound bad.

 

If she's like most women.....she will talk your EAR off, given the chance.

 

Lol sorry if you took it as me being rude I was simply...surprised that people would have to practice calling other places to get used to the phone. And I asked your age because it would be different if you were say 17 as to being like 40. I think I gave you some decent advice but practice makes perfect. Oh and def let her do the talking. If she doesnt want to keep asking her questions. The one thing all women love talking about is themselves.

 

I'm guessing you had a traumatic experience with one of these...



It is not uncommon to develop a repressive anxiety disorder associated with these types of anthropomorphic toys. It's the eerie way in which the eyes move up and down looking you over, while chasing you, ever chasing you, always just 3 feet of string away.

You're going to need years of therapy. Trust me.

 

If she doesn't want to talk, then it might be hard for you not to feel awkward. In that case, say something like well I just wanted to know about(fill in the blank with whatever your excuse for calling.) Sorry if it was a bad time. You can call me later if you want. Have a good day.

Just don't ask anything super personal. It's hard without knowing any specifics about the person, but if you start with something light like I've been meaning to ask you how do you know person x(you said it was a friend of friend thing.) Or you can ask if they also know person y. Just something trivial, then ask about some specific of the meeting, or if they've noticed whatever (funny) character trait about that person. Then just find something in her reply to ask for more information about.

If she doesn't seem like she wants to talk about that, and doesn't bring up any topics, just say, "well I thought you might know. Oh well, no biggy. Take it easy, and have a nice day." Then get off the phone, knowing that you were cool, and the problem for that phone conversation was on the other end.

 

The problem is that you are overthinking it. There is no way in hell you could ever call someone and have a flowing, non-awkward conversation if you are thinking this hard to try and be perfect, not say something dumb. I mean hell, just call and be yourself, crack jokes, banter with the girl a bit, accept awkward pauses THEY HAPPEN TO EVERYONE WHO CARES. You are building yourself up for failure, don't think about it so much just do it.

 

I had a boss that used to do that. She would start interrogating me before I even finished the call. I wanted to subject her to the torture of a thousand paper cuts, instead I just quit.