Getting a divorce.

Try not to argue in front of the kids or, y'know, through them.

 

Absolutely DO NOT do this. Vacating a residence can be a factor the judge takes into account when deciding property distribution.

I STRONGLY recommend speaking with an attorney as soon as possible and begin covering you butt, so to speak. The sad truth is, amicable divorces can turn really ugly in the blink of an eye. And if you're not ready for the twists and turns that come with a divorce, it can have severe consequences for years to come.

A friend of mine gave me some GREAT advice when I filed a few years ago. I pass on his wisdom to you, in three simple parts:

1. Nobody wins in a divorce, so don't try. There's no such thing as winning, there's just different levels of losing. The trick is to minimize your loss. But understand and accept that you WILL lose some things (possessions, friends, trust, etc.)

2. It ain't about fair, it's about balanced. Don't confuse the two. Think of it as a ledger. Her side and your side need to balance out. Remember that assets acquired during the marriage are community property...but so are liabilities, regardless of whose name they were acquired under.

3. You have to re-prioritize. You've decided to divorce her. At this point, as harsh as it sounds, her needs are no longer a priority. The priorities are now:

1. Your child
2. You
3. Your family

She comes in a very distant 4th now.

I'm really sorry you're having to face this, and the next few months are going to be really, really rough. But you CAN and WILL get through it, and be happier in the end.

 

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Hire a good lawyer yet? You should get on that. Now.

 

Do NOT Vacate the house. That will be considered abandonement. You are going to have to stick it out. Here are some harsh truths you are going to have to come to terms with.

As guilty as you feel for whatever you did (and I'm picking up that you did something to cause her to want out of the marriage), the fact is that the marriage is coming to an end and you have to do what's right for the future of not only your child but what's right for you as well. Giving in to your guilt to make things easy on your soon-to-be-ex will lead you to give in to letting her have whatever she wants. She's may very well be playing the part of the victim, and guilting you out of the kitchen sink. I'm speaking from experience here. You have to get a lawyer, and you'll have to set the terms of what you want and let the lawyers hash it out.

This will NOT be amicable. It is going to get ugly, especially when you don't give in to everything she wants. You are not responsible for her well being. You are responsible for you and your child, just as she is responsible for her and her child. If she has a sound job and you just concede to child support, you are going to be paying alimony through child support. Now, I'm not saying not to take care of your child. What I'm saying is you don't have to provide and excellent life for your ex through child support.

If you don't believe me, think about this. Do you think she is going to give a care in the world when you are struggling to make ends meet because of the 20% of your gross income plus paying for your childs insurance and half of all the medical bills, while she gets to lead as close to the same standard of living that she was used to in the marriage. You'll be stuck having to provide for your child at your place AND at your ex'es place. And don't doubt for a second that the Tx Attorney Generals office is going to make sure you pay more in child support every chance they get to raise it. So if you have a great bump in your pay and standard of living, your ex will get a bump in alimony through child support and standard of living as well.

Divorce is going to affect everybody in the family. As ugly as it sounds, DO NOT GIVE HER THE HOUSE! SPLIT EVERYTHING. Since you are both going into a one income household, you're not going to need such a big house. If she can buy you out, that's one thing, but do not just give her the house because you feel like you've already put her through enough.

I guarantee you that as amicable as she sounds, she is doing everything she can to protect herself, with no concern for you.

 

Ask around and look at the laws. If you leave that house for more than six months, she might claim it as hers after that and you'll no longer have it as an asset, if it belonged to you before you left. Make sure you know about common-law marriage laws. Your leaving would mean you're forfeiting things. Just sleep separately, if I could advise something safe.

 

Yes. What NOOK said.

SHE is realizing what a mistake it will be to break up. Allow her to think about it for a while (only you know how long, whether it's hours, days, etc.) and then ask about openly talking about positive things that will rekindle the relationship. HOPE IS STILL THERE, man.

EDIT: I just saw that someone elaborated on the abandonment part better than I could phrase it. Just don't leave. This would mean you're accepting the guilt.

Sorry about the double post.

 

You know, I should have thought a little more about you leaving. Everyone that says don't leave right now is right. You will probably give up rights that you don't want to give up. Hang tight at the house, try not to fight in front of your daughter. I stayed, because I kept my kids. I did not want to give up that right.

Not sure what your money situation is like, but I have an amazing lawyer that's been doing this for 40 years. Well respected. He can walk you through everything you should do. I really believe you should talk to a good lawyer so that you don't make mistakes that you would have no idea you may be making. If you don't want the number of my lawyer, make sure you find one that is on the level. Good luck man

 

He's not getting a lawyer just yet.

 

This is just real talk but if she's scared that she can't find anyone else at the age of 33 then that should tell you she'll only stay with you only as a last resort/safety net. That being said, I hope that's not what you want to be.

 

OP is in for a very rude awakening in the divorce courts. Your wife is going to take you for all you've got. You know how divorce laws are biased towards women. Your savings, your house, custody and alimony. Guilt is useless at this point because there is not turning back time. You have to get into the mentality of vigorously protecting your interests otherwise you can do a lot of damage to yourself here.

 

I've been trying to get him to see that. Unless he gets past the guilt and fights for himself, he's going to get taken to the cleaners. That saying about a woman scorned it absolutely true.

 

Does he work in child custody?

 

Back on topic...I'm sorry your relationship went down the crapper. I just celebrated my 6 month anniversary two days ago. The only thing I can tell you is that my wife would rather die than live without me. She told me so, so I have no other choice but believe her.

It's time to go fishing my friend, and pack some 30lb. Tess! Good luck!

 

1) if you believe that you're a fool.

2) why would you write something like this in this thread? Dick move.

 

Lol that's the spirit !