Yeah, I can't really imagine having to go through it with kids and thank buddha daily that my ex and I didn't have any. Raven, sorry to hear buddy. I feel any advice I would offer would be hollow because I didn't go through it with kids. I'm glad you're getting to keep them.
Not sure how good they are, but there's a lawyer group named Cordell & Cordell who advertise on local sports radio. They claim to specialize in defending men going through a divorce. Sorry about the situation. Divorce is usually 10x harder on the man. Good luck with everything.
Just make the best of a bad situation. Be thankful that you have a child you love out of it. And then come to realize that you now can do things for yourself and your child and you can be indulgent in those two aspects. Meaning you can take a bad ass vacation by your self or with a friend. Come back and throw a party for your kid with a few other kids there and no one can stop you. Life is short in the stages you go through. And you look up and you are in the next one already.
I accidentally watched bye bye love yesterday, it could be a movie for you. Went through it as a child myself. never saw it coming. My parent hid it well. So it was a shocker, but I know both parent were happier in the long run, my mom went from a stay at home mother to a nurse, her dream, and my dad ended up becoming a judge after a long stay in the military. Sounds like you will be happier apart if you've arrived at this point. And that is most important. You can't see it now. But it will get better. I think there are lots of annoying and sad things ahead like in the movie, but overall, you will probably see the rainbow of it.
This ^ Wait until that child support obligation hits you, talking about emotional problems. Stay if you can. The other side is not necessarily greener.
I was in the same boat 2 weeks ago. We were close to getting an uncontested one but thinking about our 7 year old boy, we decided to sit and talk and glad we both decided to use our kid as the new foundation of our marriage. Kids need full time parents. And in my case, I'm not young enough to start a new family. Work it out my friend.
sorry to hear about your marriage. id say to try everything possible to stay together like counseling and taking a short break from one another so you can see what non-marriage is like. also talk to a lawyer (even though i dont like them) so he can explain exactly what a divorce means like money, time, stress. that might motivate you to try more and her too hopefully. most of my buddies who got married when they were 17 or 18 are now divorced. those still together are not happy. i dont understand what happened to this country with so many loveless marriages and divorces. kids with divorced parents usually get hurt. either dont get married, dont get kids, or if you have them then you fight tooth and nail every day to stay together for them.
Happily separated parents can be much better for the child's development than unhappily married parents. My ex and I are awesome at it. It takes time and compromise to work toward "fairness" on all levels. Talk to each other away from the house and away from the child about all issues regarding the split. No matter how "equal" things sound to you during talks with her, hire a lawyer. The retainer alone will be well worth it in the long-run. Make all (or almost all) of the decisions moving forward based on what is best for the child -- not you nor her. Sometimes what's best for the child doesn't feel awesome, but it's the only Real Important Thing. A full 50/50 split is ideal. It can be rewarding for all three parties. You'll be surprised how liberating two days of "freedom" can be (after some adjustment time, of course). Talk to each other often. I was scared of divorce even though I knew it was the right thing for us. We are both happy and our son is living the dream. It takes work even under the best of circumstances, though. Good luck.
Just try to stay on good terms. Be able to spend holidays together. Communication & cooperation will go a long way. Try your best to let go of anger, and take time to get over the sadness. Edit: My parents are divorced (I was 16/17) when the split, so my situation was different, but here is what sucks about being a child of divorced parents: 1) My parents are basically never around each other. Not for Christmas, not for graduations, not for my kids' birthdays, etc. They don't hate each other. My dad just can't get over my mom, and my mom has always tried to avoid anything that might make her uncomfortable. 2) They both had jealousy issues, that made things uncomfortable. My dad in particular is often very insulting of my stepdad. He has almost no filter.
Maybe just live separately for a while to see if it really is what both of you want? The actual experience of living separately may change your mind or hers.
There's still a way y'all both can figure out where y'all went wrong and how y'all can fix it. Someone brought it up FIRST, so I'd start there. This is impossible to know for sure. If this were true, you wouldn't have made a child together. Where there was fire, there are ashes and a bit of firewood left. Even if there's a .0001% chance of saving your marriage, do it. I'm with reply number one... it doesn't seem like you want it. If you try to work it out, that will be your BEST, if you still know what your BEST is. Some people aren't even mature AFTER that age. Why in our western world limits are placed on YEARS LIVED is beyond me; AGE is only a measurement of being alive on earth, not a sign of maturity. How about a test?
Some words of advice and encouragement to you in your own words actually... <iframe width="420" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/xY-hkcm9g7s" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
Divorce screws u up for any future woman/relationship. Do women a favor and dont date until completely healed and ready. I hope you guys can work it out.
I thought you had me on IGNORE... what's the point of that if you're going to be calling me out, man? LOLs. :grin:
Thanks. I'm sure there's new hopes and dream that will eventually come all after this is done, but the anxiety of changing and the future is unrelenting. It's all just a lot to take in at one time. I appreciate your post though, definitely gives me a sigh of relief if only for a bit.
