Funky Wedding Stories

My ex-wife and I married ourselves in an unprogrammed Quaker meeting back in 1977.

For the uniinitiated, an unprogrammed Quaker meeting, all worshippers sit in silence and worship privately. Those who are moved by the spirit may rise and share with the assembled.

In a wedding ceremony, the bride and groom likewise rise and exchange vows. The unprogrammed meeting goes on with appropriate rising and sharing until the Clerk of the meeting senses the worship period has ended and passes a handshake around the room to signal the end of the worship meeting.

My ex-bride and I had worked out a signal. She was going to elbow me when she was ready. I would elbow her back in confirmation.

We entered the meeting and sat worshipfully. One problem-- her entire family was late arriving. Her mom, dad, two brothers and a sister were yet to be seen.

Then she elbows me. She is pissed. I don't elbow her back. A few minutes go by; she elbows me again. Again I ignore her. She is really fidgety by now.

A few moments later, her family arrives finally-- having taken a wrong turn somewhere.

Within minutes I am feeling the elbow again. This time I jab her back and we rise and do our thing-- which lasted 13 years.

 

We went to a wedding once where the mother of the groom wore a black dress and sunglasses and cried throughout the whole service because she thought the girl her son was marrying was not good enough for her little prince.

The reception was equally wierd in that it was like a line had been drawn across the room that that neither the bride's nor groom's families could cross to mingle. Needless to say Mom was a no show at the 'celebration'.

The union as it turned out was not to last.

 

That is just stupid. I hate seeing adults behave like children. If that had been my mom, she would have been escorted out of the place by my groomsmen.

 

My wife and I drove to the Midwest to get married, because our families are from there. My buddies took me out and my wife stayed in a hotel the night before the wedding. At 4am the day of the wedding a tornado dropped a tree on our truck smashing down the passenger side of the cab. On 2 hours sleep I called my wife's hotel to tell her what happened and her mom got on the phone and told me That I couldn't talk to her until after the ceremony.

So we hid the truck from my wife until we were married, (a great ceremony in a gazebo my grandfather built) and the first things I say to her after "I DO" are "Honey - we need to talk about the truck".

We had to attend a reception in a different state so we had to get our truck from where we were to where we had to be, about a 4 hour trip. My wife drove and I rode all hunched over in the passenger side. Apparently around this time there was a farmer killed by a couple driving in a dark truck with white plates - we didn't know about this but apparently every state trooper on our path did. At one point we were pulled over by troopers with their guns drawn until we could explain our story to them.

Reception went off without a hitch and the truck took about two months to get fixed. We had to fly to Houston then fly back later to pick up the truck and drive it and the gifts home.

We figured if we could survive that day - we could survive most anything that came our way. 7 years later still going strong.

 

About 3 years ago I was in a wedding a coupel hours away so 4 of us groomsmen got aroom together. After the rehearsal we took the groom out for a couple drinks and he luckily left early, leaving just us 4 at the bar. One of the guys didn't drink much but decided to indulge (also note he is the one the bride to be despised the most). He gets drunk, kicked out of the bar, pukes on the ride home, pukes on the elevator in the hotel. We finally get him into bed. Middle of teh night the drunk guy wakes up and apparently pissed on/near one of the other guys in the room (also the guy didn't wake up until morning in a pissed on bed). To top everything else off he puked so hard his eyes were totally bloodshot.
morning of the wedding the drunkard wouldn't get up. I went to the tread mill downstairs to sweat off some beer, came back up and got everyone else up to goto breakfast. Breakfast would have definetely helped him (IMO) but he wouldn't go.
We get tot eh weddign and he collapsed on a couch in the church. He made it thru pictures but still didn't look good. Finally as we started to walk out he got sick again. We had to pull one of the ushers as well.

But the funniest thing was the bride knew what was going on (minister and photographer both knew he was in very bad shape) and the guy was suppose to be last in line (right behind me) and she looked down the ranks during th eceremony and you could just see how ticked she was.

After teh ceremony we all get into the limo and the first words oout of her mouth was "What happened to Chris?" not Thanks or it was great.

So I'm sure it slighlty screwed up her day but it was very laughable to everyone else afterwards.

 

One morning, a co-worker called our department together for a meeting in a conference room. We weren't sure what he wanted to talk about, but he was wearing a Hawaiian shirt, shorts, sandals and sunglasses. He announced that he was getting married that day, and he needed us to come and be witnesses.

Our office was located adjacent to the county jail, which also was where the Justice of the Peace's office was. So, about 10 of us made the trip next door to watch the brief ceremony. The guy had lived with his girlfriend so long that they were probably married by common-law anyways, but apparently she had decided it was time to do it officially, and he went along grudgingly.

 

Recently I was asked by a childhood friend to be his best man in which I complied. I had only met his bride once since he is living in Austin and come to find out she was only 18 to his 30. So I make it to his parents house which was the chosen site for the wedding (backyard in Gazebo). Upon arriving I felt like I was completely out of place as the guests are dressed in their punk rock gear. The so called minister was wearing his combat boots and a nice big red mohawk. The whole ceremony was done on the fly as the minister had no idea of what he was doing. Well two months later she has left my friend so that she could go out with her friends and discover what else life has to offer. Both of them are fools and to blame.

 

This isn't a funky wedding story, but it's pretty funky allright.

My dad works for GE there in Houston, and just about everyone in his department got either relocated to Oshkosh, or found a new job. He spends a week each month there in Oshkosh.... Eventually he (and the rest of my family) will have to move there. The only thing open past 10 is the Wendy's, which is open till midnight. I feel sorry for my family.

I, however, am lucky. I get to stay in TX.

 

Best.Wedding.Story.Ever.

 

So true, that story had it all, he did the right thing by kicking his ass and making him leave, then it had a happy ending.

 

Agreed!!

 

I guess it did have a happy ending. It wasn't quite "It's a Wonderful Life", but it was happy none the less.

 

If all my stories ended with me getting a blowjob I would not have any complaints!!

 

If it weren't so sad it would be terrifically funny. Hell it is funny.

 

RMT wins for best worst wedding story.

 

Just be glad no one was strapped!