For those that have been divorced or know someone who has....

fell in love hard at 19 (thanks CF.net!) and got married at 22. I was way too young. I was positive that we were perfect - one of the .0001% of couples that would never have any problems. now I realize how much of it was my youth and naivete. the year i got married, i also lost my faith. somehow the idea of God/a greater power/meaning/purpose had driven me toward the idea of "soul mates" and that was shattered when my belief structure became meaningless. there was just this dark restlessness in my bones that tipped to a boiling point, and I wanted out.

call it too young/selfish/immature/confused to give a spouse what they deserve.

 

You will love again, eventually.

Life is too short to let the past keep you in check.

I realize now some of the ways I would mind-**** you with my mental games and some terrible mistakes I made. The depression, the self-loathing, I'm sure it wasn't easy to deal with at times.

I'm sorry you had to be a guinea pig for all that.

You were always a step ahead of me in the self-actualization front.

When we were kids, we were perfect for each other. When we became adults we were light years apart.

Now that I'm married to a woman who is so right for me its scary and we have a child who blows my mind on a daily basis, I can look back on that time again and remember it wasn't all heartache.

Life goes on.

 

Realized I wasn't "in love". Decided to speak up when my boy was still young (he was only 1 at the time). My decision was either keep my mouth shut till he was out of the house or speak up now. His memories now will not be of us together and fighting, etc. It will be of us separate, but amicable. We don't really ever argue now.

 

Thats a tough decision but admirable.

My best friend married so young (20, wife 18). They had 2 kids almost immediately. He was constantly depressed, it was awful.

He's been a lot better since they called it quits, although he did have to move back to his hometown where the unemployment rate is 16%.

 

I can't be the only one who finds the Moes/Finals posts awkward can I?

 

Thats what happens when you get joint custody of the BBS.

 

It's this. Absolutely positively this. And that divorce rate isn't some new or surprising change in how we view relationships or in how we view marriages (well, for the most part). It's just the logical outcome of removing social barriers to divorce. I would imagine this rate is perfectly consistent with how many folks felt in the 50s, or maybe even earlier. Only there was no good path to divorce or easy life thereafter. So you stuck it out. If anything, the divorce rate now is a fairly good indicator that marriage was always a socially-motivated endeavor.

 

mad props to you moe. now you get to look like the magnanimous one by putting out everything finals coulda said about you. you eminemed her from 8-mile. :grin:

i keed i keed, i'm sure it was just a messed up situation for the both of you. glad to see both of you have moved on and thankfully no kids were involved.

 

I don't think all socially-motivated behavior is bad though. Marriage (without the convenience of a quickie divorce) is something that has helped to build societies imo.

 

We were pushed into marriage quickly by outside pressure.

In a way, that kind of forced certain truths to come to light quicker. Without enduring all of that, I wouldn't be where I am today.

I know its a bit awkward to talk about on a public forum, but our relationship was born here so it doesn't seem entirely uncouth.

 

Were moes and finals married?!?!

 

moes/finals, i don't find it awkward for you two to discuss this. this board is a big dysfunctional family of sorts and your story is part of the whole.

 

Man, I remember seeing those first conversations between the two of them start happening. Finalsbound meanders into our tiny hidden away corner of the internet known as #houstonrockets...love blossoms. We all spent so much damn time in that chat room, good to see that at least a marriage (and life lessons learned) emerged from it!

 

Perhaps.

 

Can I be drunk Uncle RM95 getting drunk in Uncle thegary's bar?

 

no regrets. thanks for the kind words derek.

 

you betcha

 

I agree with the sentiment that things aren't all that different than they were 50 years ago. It's just that the taboo of divorce is gone now, so people can freely decide if they want to call it quits, a lot earlier in their marriages. I'm Indian, and my parents literally knew each other for a month before they got married. This past March, it was their 41st wedding anniversary. However, if you were to talk to my mom, I guarantee you she would tell you if they were married in this day and age, their marriage wouldn't have lasted more than 5. My dad has changed tremendously through the years (for the better), and I feel like they are more in love now than they ever were when me and my brother were growing up.

 

Sorry the first thing I thought of was "Sprockets"
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Unfortunately, the pressure to get married still exists. That's not too say there is anything wrong with it (Costanza!), just that there should not be this weird social impulse associated with what is a very private and serious decision. And if marriage is not for you, there should not be any stigma associated with that, either. My two cents.